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Can’t We Just Be Friends

The following Time article is a great example of what happens when patterns we learned as children are not transformed as we grow into adulthood. There are many ways to look at our patterned behavior and be accountable for our part in all relationships. Female-female relating is becoming more and more polarized as we look at the housewives series on reality TV and the large number of women taken the reins in leadership roles in the workplace. We need to dig deeper to look at what it means to initiate a girl into becoming a woman; it’s more than physical changes, it’s more than becoming emotional pleasers, it’s about finding the unique combination of power and compassion that belongs to the female species and makes us capable of being great friends to each other. Why Women are their own Worst Enemyby: Kayla Webley In 2007, Kelly Valen wrote a personal essay for the New York Times‘ Modern Love column titled, “My Sorority Pledge? I Swore Off Sisterhood.” In the column, Valen detailed how the cruelty she experienced in her college sorority caused her to avoid friendships with other women. But despite her own trauma, or perhaps because of it, Valen remained fascinated by women and the ways in which they relate to each other. So instead of giving up on her side of the species altogether, she drafted a survey that was completed by more than 3,000 women across the U.S. from different socioeconomic backgrounds. The results of that survey project are detailed in her book Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships. She talked to TIME...

3 Rules for the “I Hate to Sell” Mind Set

Geoffrey James is a wealth of information. His blogs are fun to read and amazingly informative. When I interviewed him I had enough information to blog for many years. One of the areas we covered was the traditional “hate to sell”: mentality that so many of us, including me, have. Where did it come from? Why is it so hard to break a pattern that was locked in the brains decades ago? Mostly I think there was, and still is, an image many of us have about not trusting a used car salesman. You know the drill; he or she will tell you whatever you want to hear. You fall in love with a car because it has minimal mileage, was only driven by an elderly woman to go to the super market that was three blocks from her house, and she is now being driven around by her nephew since her eyesight is not too good any more. And, just for you, the price is being dropped hundreds of dollars. When it starts to clink and clank the sales person is nowhere to be found.  It’s hard to erase these thoughts from the mind. Yet, as Geoffrey points out, we all sell something all the time. Let’s face it, business is selling, and selling is business. So, it’s best to bite the bullet and learn how to sell, whether you are a dentist selling your skill in smiles or, why not, a used car salesperson out to empty the lot of older cars. Here are some simple ideas to help you know when to show your wares to...

A Halloween Gift

This blog is on the personal level and I hope you find what I am about to share helpful. My mother died on Halloween years ago. Hard to forget the exact situation when it is not just an ordinary day, one usually filled with fun and costumes and candy and parties.   Those years ago I was in the middle of the worst time in my life. I was separating from my husband, finances were tight, my daughters were in the tick of being teen agers who wanted to do everything their way, and my mother was in the end point from ovarian cancer.   Yet, when she died it was as if she opened a door for me to see a new way to live life and brush fear away with the sweep of my hand.   She was in the hospital. It was around 7pm as I entered her darkened room. The sights and smells of hospitals were never my thing. My brother is a physician, that’s where he feels right at home. I would always get a bit dizzy every time the elevator doors would open to the floor filled with ill people.   My brother has arrived before me. He gave me the information we knew was due any time. “She has maybe another 24 hours”. He gave me the medical rundown. I nodded even though I had not really listened to the numbers.   I went to the hall phone (pre cell phones) and called my daughters. One was going to a party, the other would stand sentry and dole out the candy to...