Hi, everybody. Sylvia Lafair here. And I just finished reading Mary Trump’s new book, ‘Too Much and Never Enough.’ And what I’d like to say is change the president’s name, take Donald out and put in Larry or Chip or your brother, whatever it is. If you have one and don’t think about it as a book about politics or about the White House or about a very wealthy family, it is about all of us.
All of us. And it’s very interesting. I brought this out in my show and tell for it today. I wrote a book back in 2009 called ‘Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success.’
And it it’s it plays out in in Mary’s book all over the place. You know, she’s talking about a lot of dysfunction and I’ve worked with families and then made the leap to work with people in the business world. But we always had to go back and look at where their family legacies and their family stories were. So it’s really important to understand that every family has dysfunction, not just the Trumps, not just my family. Your family, too, please remember that.
But we also have powerful positives. Somewhere underneath there was someone with courage. There was someone who broke the pattern. There was someone who created something new. We have all of that inside of us. So what I want you to think about, which is really important, is what patterns were there as you were growing up and then what were the ones that you took into the workplace?
And I have a quote from page forty nine in the book where I say, ‘Because of our family experiences and the roles we used to play and seeing our relatives all behave in certain ways, we come into new situations at work with unconscious expectations of how the person we are meeting is supposed to look, sound and act. We think about those of us who have bosses. We think about it, those of us who have direct reports. We think about it with our colleagues, with our coworkers.’
‘And if you’re a boss and you have somebody who is either. Overpolicing you or really challenging you with everything you need to think? I wonder what it was like for him or her as a child.’ Now, Mary does a really good job and some people feel that she was there to hurt the family. She was there to make a lot of money. I see it. All of that probably maybe is true. I don’t know her personally.
But what I do know is once you begin that journey to look at your family, things can begin to shift. And I hope from this they will begin to shift for her in her family also because she has a very powerful, very necessary last name at this time in the world history. And what is she going to do with it? She became a psychologist to understand her own family. There is a thing that we use a thing. There is a process that we use called Sankofa Mapping.
Sankofa is a word from Ghana. That means clear the past to free the future or clear the past to free the present, which frees the future. And in it. What you learn to do when it’s in the don’t bring it to work book. Show it to you one more time in the. Don’t bring it to work book. There is the model in there for how to create your Sankofa map and find out what are the patterns that you have, that you grew up with, that you work with now?
And there are those that have limited your success in those. There are those that will increase your success. But knowing them on a conscious level really will help. So I’d love to hear from you. I’d love you to read the book and get back to me with comments. Whether you agree, don’t agree. Whatever. I love the idea of dialoguing. And what Mary has done is she has sparked a new way of thinking about our behavior at work based on our family of origin.
Thank you so much. This is to your success. Have a beautiful day. To be continued.