Categories
Conflict Resolutions Growth Patterns

Letting Go of Behavior Patterns That We Developed During Childhood

Hi everyone!

I hope you’re having a glorious day even though everything seems overwhelmed and rushed, and we can’t move fast enough, and we can’t please everybody but nonetheless we just keep persevering, right? Except, sometimes we feel submissive compliant filled with self-doubt, create self-sabotage.

Those days, everybody does it and what happens is, it gets worse and worse during holidays and celebrations, because we have these mental images about the way things should be, and when the moments of life come in, and we can’t get everything done the way we want.

Well, we do a couple of things: one is, many of us go into the victim mode. It’s my fault, I can’t do it right, it’s not good enough, it’s never good enough.

So, what do we do about all this?

If you feel overwhelmed and have a lot of self-doubt, I have three suggestions for you now.

This is only the beginning, because what happens is, a lot of this started when we were kids, and you couldn’t meet your parents expectations or your teachers expectations or even your friends expectations.

So, you began to say something wrong with me. We don’t put it out there. We say, there’s something wrong with me. So, if you were judged as a kid, it shows up in these moments of overwhelm as a grownup.

What to do about it?

Well, number one is, stop complaining but life is unfair. It’s not meant to be fair. It’s not here to coddle you. It’s here to challenge you, and it’s here to help you grow an experience.

So, if life is unfair and you feel you’re judged, stop complaining and look for solutions. It’s interesting because the victim in the patterns that I work with, becomes the bluer and here’s where I learned about this. In the native cultures when you go before the tribe, the tribunal, if you will and you have a problem and you’re upset about something, they will not listen unless you come in with three, one, two, three solutions. Three different solutions to the problem.

So that’s one of the things you can do now. Stop complaining and look for solutions.

Good idea takes a little time. Sit quietly and do it.

The next thing you need to do, whoops… I have to look at my notes for a minute… is, stop saying it’s all my fault. Sure, some of, it’s your fault. That’s fine. Some of, it’s everybody’s fault, but it’s not all your fault. So, what you need to do is, be accountable for your poet in it. Speak it. Say it. Bring it out. Don’t sit with it. Don’t put the pillow over your head and begin to whine and moan.

Simply acknowledge. Yep, this is the part I played. This is what I’m doing and the third thing, which I’ve said over and over is, please remember to prioritize and in prioritizing, know that this
sentence has helped so many people including me.

Remember, no is a complete sentence. You can say no. You don’t have to defend, explain or justify. You simply say no. I can’t do this right now. No, I have to fill in the blank. I have to go take a bath. I have to go get my hair done. I have to go read a book.
I have to go sit quietly and have a cup of tea whatever it is, but if you follow these three rules and really begin to let them sink in, they will begin to change the patterns and the way your brain processes things, and your mindset will begin to change.

So, have beautiful times at all holidays and all celebrations and remember things do escalate them. So, take a deep breath and find a way to have fun with it and have a beautiful rest of the day.

Thank you so much.

Oh wait a minute. Before I go, one more thing as a gift to yourself for this holiday time, why don’t you consider getting. Don’t bring it to work. I have all the 13 patterns in there that you can look at in detail to see where each one came from. We’re talking about the victim right now, but there’s also the martyr. There’s also the bully, the procrastinator.

They’re all these patterns that we’ve developed, that we need to let go of. So, a gift to yourself or someone else. Don’t bring it to work.

Thank you so much. Happy days.

Categories
Change Coaching Patterns

From Mad to Glad

So, let me ask you? What do you do when you get so foot-stomping angry, that were pounding your handle in a desk, that you just say: ‘They’re driving me crazy! He’s driving me crazy! She’s driving me crazy! They’re driving me crazy! What do you do? Well, let me tell you, there is an ark that you have to go to get to glad.

So, you can start with mad, and what you, do is take a deep five second breath, take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds let it out and say, ‘Where else have I had this feeling in my life?’ Just check it it’s somewhere else. Someone else and then you can begin to look at the relationship that you have in front of you. Usually, when we get really angry and here’s the clue. If it lasts more than five seconds, you better look back. Look elsewhere to find out what’s going on.

Now, from mad, you can go to side and inside. You can begin to look at how you and the other person or people are relating. Jot it down.

We know that journaling makes a difference. We know it’s good for a healthy heart. We know that already there’s research about it. So, go and jot down all the things that make you sad, not mad.

The mad is going to get in the way. What makes you sad? What I can’t the relationship work? Why aren’t they listening to me? What’s in the way of success in this? Why can’t my four-year-old just go to bed and be quiet? Why can’t my teenagers stop eating all the sugar stuff? Even though, I keep telling her it’s poison, poison, poison? Why doesn’t my husband ever do the dishes? You know it all. Why does my boss always ask me for things at the last minute? Why does my colleague always beg me to come over and help with her computer mess? Why?

You can go to side and what you do is look at the other person and begin to construct a sentence. Two sentences, three sentences and I’ve been giving you this in little clues over the weeks, but the words I wonder and I’m curious. They’re magic words. They take us back to our childhood where we were wondering, where we were curious. Are you still wondering and curious the minute you ask that of someone else? It kind of connects you at a different level. Oh! They don’t want to yell and scream at me. They just want to know something and the relationship can begin to develop now.

That’s just a beginning in my program, ‘The Gutsy Women’, women program. You’re going to get all the tools you need to be able to learn communication skills, but what I’m doing now? I have a pre-christmas gift for you. So, going from mad, take a breath, go to sad. Begin to look at the other person. Ask questions and then you can go to glad because you’ll be able to resolve conflicts that much easier.

Now, back to my gift for today. I would like to send to those of you who really would like it. The gift of my ebook, ’79 Power Sentences’ It’s really a great way to give you kind of a product. Have these words in your mind when you begin to speak. When you’re ready to have a conversation. When you can get from mad to sad to glad. It’s a great process to learn, so that you don’t waste all that energy.

We know that anger. We know that anger has impact on us physically. We know sadness does. I’m giving you some tools here, so that we can bypass some of these stages of upsets and not have to depend on something else outside of us, pills or not talking to somebody for the rest of your life.

All of that stuff doesn’t work. What works is to figure out where it comes from. Why the other person is involved with you. What to do about it and then have a conversation. Yes, a conversation. I promise it will make a difference. You will begin to see people differently. So, that’s it for today.

My gift, ’79 Power Sentences’.

I did a lot of research on it it’s kind of an interesting short ebook, but I believe it will help you. So, if you are interested, email me. Let me know. I’d love to send it as a pre-christmas gift, pre-Hanukkah gift, pre-happy gift, free everything gift to all of you out there.

Thanks ladies. Talk soon.