Did you ever stop long enough to think about anger rather than just react with anger? The big questions are:
- What is anger?
- Where does it come from inside us?
- What does it feel like?
- Why does it last so long in some situations and leaves so fast in others?
- Is it worse when it has been stuffed and then comes out all at once?
- What is flooding?
- How can anger be transformed?
- What does anger transform to?
- What does anger do to our physiology?
- How does anger hurt or help our relationships?
- Who has more anger issues, men or women?
- Some of us need to be angry less, and others angry more. When does anger show up most? When we feel threatened. Most often it is about survival and security.
And then we are threatened when we are asked to change, when the specific way we respond to situations is no longer working and we do not yet have the tools to find a better way.
At work anger shows up when we are questioned about our abilities to complete a project or when a co-worker finds us difficult to work with.
What do most of us do? We defend explain, and justify our position and want to turn our upset to make someone else wrong.
It is just easier to look at others rather than look within.
Now, to the question of male and female ways to handle anger.
Much of the research indicates that men can get angry faster and get over their anger more quickly while women will stuff their anger and yet when the situation is discussed and potentially resolved they hang onto their anger over days or weeks or even longer.
What is your sense of anger at work? How do you handle it? Send me a story about a time when you were able to take a sticky situation and transform it to the positive. The best answers will get a copy of my newly revised “Leadership Quotes: Bumper Stickers for The Brain.”