Summary: There are many books about how to survive a toxic workplace. The big question is: Who makes the work setting toxic? Most of the books point the finger of blame at the boss or supervisor. Many books and sites about office politics are about what he, she, or they did that was insulting and negative. What about your role?
Dear Dr Sylvia,
I am so tired of all the complaining at work.
As CHRO, Chief Human Resources Officer, or as I like to be called, The Head of People Development, I am determined to help make our organization more inclusive and less defensive.
However, at this time, everyone has a beef about something.
There is so much dissension now.
I think it is because people are not taking responsibility. They feel disconnected.
Sadly, they are either not being heard, appreciated, or left out of the ‘inner circle’ of favorites.
Work complaints are like those always heard in the US Congress.
Finger-pointing and lack of responsibility are the name of the game. The big question is: Whose fault is it when things go wrong at work?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
I ask because I know you always talk about Systems Thinking. You have stayed steady in your thinking. In my mind, I hear you saying:
“We are all connected,
And no one wins unless we all do”
—Sylvia Lafair
I respect your point, but I can’t entirely agree with it.
However, I would appreciate it if you could show me another way.
Signed,
Avid Student
Systems Thinking shows connections and patterns rather than only right or wrong perspective
Dear Avid Student,
Thank you for at least considering there is another, perhaps even better way.
When I was in training as a family therapist I too resisted the idea that we are all connected.
In fact, it was so much easier to blame a parent, teen, aunt, or uncle for making everything go topsy-turvy.
I remember a client saying, “I know my grandfather is almost 95 years old with dementia. However, I still think he should pay for our family sessions since our dysfunction is all his fault.”
NOT!
It’s more complicated than that.
I have seen the same thing since I morphed to being an executive leadership coach from a family therapist.
We all have a part to play in making our lives better or worse
Today, the air fills with blaming rather than looking for new, more creative solutions.
I read about leadership requirements that sound like the route to sainthood. At all times, leaders must be kind, inclusive, and available, making them close to perfect.
Ultimately, that’s a recipe for disaster.
For example, bosses are widely criticized as the culprits—they either micro-manage, harass, or are absent and avoid difficult situations.
Leaders are only one part of the equation for success
In my leadership development program, Total Leadership Connections, we discuss the YABBUT REACTION, which occurs when the complainer points the finger of blame at others.
For example, someone in the TLC Program complained that she felt her job was not secure.
She whined that her boss was upset with her low sales numbers. She was furious, saying, “I don’t feel safe, so how can I do a good job?”
I reminded her that her job was to bring in sales, and she could ask for help if things were tough. She could also spend time finding new sources by being creative.
The YABBUT REACTION is an avoidance technique
She had the “YABBUT REACTION” and responded, “YABBUT, I need to feel safe and secure.”
I suggested she take a deep breath and look around; no one feels safe and secure all the time.
We are all sorting out our work lives to find new ways to get what we need done.
Think of it this way: security is for babies in their cribs.
Once we grow up, the Yabbut Reaction should disappear. Then, we can stop blaming others if there is no job fulfillment.
It’s not about blame; it’s about personal responsibility. We all have a role to play in creating a positive work environment.
It is time for you to speak out when you need help. It is better to tell the truth (without spilling your guts) and make decisions to leave organizations when you have done all you can to right the wrongs.
YABBUT REACTIONS keep individuals, teams, and entire organizations stuck in pattern repetition
Do you work with YABBUT PEOPLE?
Or, if I dare ask, are you a YABBUT Person?
In conclusion, I encourage you to look inside and see how you either contribute to a better work environment or keep it stuck. Promote self-reflection and growth and build a community of individuals committed to personal responsibility in the workplace.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS Thank you for appreciating the Systems Perspective to keep going and keep growing. Read more in my award-winning book “Don’t Bring It To Work.”
