Summary: Here’s the uncomfortable truth: we’re biologically wired to chase change and biologically wired to slam the brakes. It’s not personal. It’s human. And it’s why a new idea can feel good at 9 am and like a nasty rash by 4 pm.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Our company is changing our reporting structure. That means our teams are being reconfigured across states. Some states will now band together with their neighbors.
For example, Northern California will now team with Oregon, and Southern California will be on its own.
Most of the teams are ambivalent about the changes.
That is, except senior management, who love the new map of who works where.
As the Director of the newly emerging NorCal Oregon team, I need some ideas on how to make everyone happy.
If not happy, at least curious and willing to give the newer way their best shot.
Signed,
Need Help
Dear Need Help,
I’m glad senior management is happy with the change. Let’s hope you, Directors, can get the rest of the country smiling and ready to win.
Let’s start with some information that may help you help your team.
The Executive Team knows a thing or two. For instance, our brains are wired to celebrate novelty.
The “Shiny Object Syndrome” is Alive and Well
Newness lights up the reward circuitry (that dopamine “lean forward” system), which is why a fresh strategy, a rebrand, or even a different office layout can feel energizing, at first.
Think about the first day at work or meeting your blind date in person.
Neuroscience reveals that novelty and reward share a common pathway; the anticipation of something new can recruit the same midbrain systems that respond to rewards. Translation: the brain says “ooh, shiny!” and we go exploring. PMC
Then the hangover hits: uncertainty. The brain does not like not-knowing. Uncertain threats crank up anxiety circuitry and push us to regain predictability fast, which often means defaulting to old habits. This isn’t weakness; it’s wiring. PMC
Add a deeper regulator: allostasis, meaning “stability through change.”
The body constantly adjusts to maintain functionality, but these adjustments come at a cost (allostatic load).
If change feels nonstop, the system starts hoarding energy and avoiding risk. You feel tired, touchy, and suddenly, “Let’s circle back next quarter” sounds very reasonable. NaturePMC
The Behavioral Traps That Make Change Feel Dangerous
Even when the data scream “go,” our decision biases whisper “no.”
One of the teams I worked with that was going through a similar change was split between the “let’s go, yay” group and the “No, yikes, not now, we’re fine” group.”
Out of curiosity, I asked each member of the team who had grown up staying in the same house till they went to college, and then asked who had moved and how many times in childhood.
Not surprisingly, those who hated change the most stayed in the same house for at least 17 years.
Those who moved the most, often with a parent in the military, moved from three to seven times during their childhood.
Thus, we had to go back to the roots before we could move the whole team forward with enthusiasm.
The Reasons Change is Complex
Loss aversion: losses hurt more than equivalent gains feel good. So even an attractive change can feel like a probable loss. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Status quo bias: we exaggerate the current state simply because it’s current. “Better the devil you know” isn’t wisdom; it’s a bias. Harvard Scholar
Mere exposure effect: the more we see something, the more we like it. Familiar = fluent = safe. New = “hmm.” cdn.isr.umich.edu
System justification: we defend existing systems (even flawed ones) because belonging to a stable order feels safer than disrupting it. Cue defensive meetings that “explain” why the old way is still fine. Arts & Science at NYU
Now fold in habit circuitry. Repetition sunk into the basal ganglia turns yesterday’s workaround into today’s autopilot. Try to change it, and your brain hits the “are you sure?” button repeatedly. Annual Reviews
Why Your “First Family” Shows Up at Work and Jams the Gears
Here’s where my work lands the punch: your original organization, the family, writes early “operating codes” for safety, trust, conflict, and power.
Those internal working models become the template for how you read bosses, boards, and budgets. Did speaking up at home get you connected or in trouble? That script doesn’t vanish when you get a badge and a title. PMC
Bowen’s Family Systems Theory
Patterns are transmitted across generations. If your lineage managed anxiety by over-control, you’ll likely over-engineer change. If it managed anxiety by avoidance, you’ll nod in meetings and ghost the execution. You either complete it or repeat it. thebowencenter.org
Why Some Teams Surf Change And Others Drown In It
Teams that treat dissent as disloyalty make change terrifying. Teams that treat candor as fuel make change doable.
That’s psychological safety, the shared belief that I can question, experiment, and err without being punished. Decades of research have tied psychological safety to learning and improved performance, exactly what change needs. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Also, beware the “immunity to change.” Kegan and Lahey demonstrate how hidden, competing commitments (e.g., “innovate and never look incompetent”) subtly draw us back to the status quo. Until you surface those commitments, you’re riding the gas and the brake. PMCvdc.edu.au
So What To Do? Let’s Make Change Safer and More Rewarding
Here’s a practical, pattern-savvy playbook I use with leaders and teams:
- Name the pattern, not the person.
Swap “Tom resists change” for “Our team defaults to control when timelines compress.” Patterns are coachable; character assassination is not. - This is where my book, Don’t Bring It To Work, shines.
- Run a “threat-to-reward” scan using SCARF.
Ask how the change hits people’s Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness. - Then design offsets: more apparent timelines (certainty), real choice points (autonomy), public credit (status), honest stakeholder maps (fairness), and peer pods (relatedness). It lowers perceived threat without watering down the goal. Casel Schoolguide
- De-risk with micro-bets.
Big-bang change spikes allostatic load. Instead, create experiments that last 2–4 weeks with visible win conditions. Success = a dopamine hit that teaches the brain “this new thing pays.” Yes, we’re deliberately exploiting novelty/reward coupling. PMC - Surface competing commitments.
Use a simple four-column immunity map with your exec team: (a) What we say we want, (b) What we do instead, (c) Our hidden commitments, (d) Big assumptions to test. Do not skip (d). One brave test can dissolve months of resistance. ruralcenter.org - Institutionalize psychological safety rituals.
Examples: “Red Team Round” (5 minutes of welcomed pushback), “Decision Pre-Mortem,” and “One Safe Failure per Sprint.” Safety isn’t a vibe; it’s a set of behaviors enforced by the leader in the room. Massachusetts Institute of Technology - Close the loop in public.
The brain learns by prediction error: “We expected X, got Y, here’s what we’ll do.” Make that learning visible and routine. It turns uncertainty from a monster into a lab partner. PMC
We’re not fickle. We’re human
We are built to pursue rewards, avoid losses, maintain our energy, and repeat what once kept us safe at home.
When leaders respect that biology and rewrite the family-sourced scripts that show up at work, change stops feeling like a cliff and starts feeling like a climb with handholds.
Leaders can help those in their organizations become more adept at change when the teams are aware of the ingrained family patterns that no longer serve their growth.
Let’s give change a chance.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Want a copy of my webinar “Give Change a Chance?” Please send me an email at sylvia@ceoptions.com and it’s yours.
