Business, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

What Do Women and Men Want?

Sylvia Lafair
October 2, 2018

Here is an excellent response to my question, “What do women want” and “What do men want.”

Please read this thoughtful comment and then my answer. We are all living in such interesting times and need to keep talking and getting to the core. That’s where change really happens.

Dear Sylvia,

Nice one about men and women. I can really feel your internal struggle with what is going on in the world.

Your question though, I think it is a trap. “What do women want, and what do men want?” This puts us in a place where we are forced to assign the same belief systems to all “men” and “women” and make assumptions that they want fundamentally different things. This continues to promote us vs them.

Now, of course, men and women are different, just as black and white are different, as Hindu and Baptist are different, as Mexicans and Americans are different, etc, but each of these differences is but one part of the equation. People all want fairness and justice, but they differ wildly on what constitutes fair or just. These differences are of course driven by the same things that drive all our other behaviors, family, culture and crisis. For me, gender is a piece of culture, but for argument’s sake, let’s add a fourth element “biology” to the mix of family, culture, and crisis. When it comes to Sex, biology is probably a stronger driver than in just about any other area.

So, do men and women want different things? No and Yes. What does humanity want, and how are those wants more aligned than they are misaligned?

Miss you guys. Life is pretty good right now, I have health and love. Everything else is just fluff.

Warmest,

A Man Who Cares

Dear AMWC,

You are so right about the differences that make us all unique. I have gotten many comments that have simply taken sides. It’s so often the same old men vs. women story.

One even reminded me of the “joke” about men… “You can’t just love em and leave em by the side of the-road, cause, they’ll always find their way home and you’ll still be stuck taking care of them forever.”

Here is my thought about the common denominator regarding the “battle of the sexes.”

What we all want is simply to be heard, to be acknowledged, and to be accepted.

My question is, “Why is this so hard to do?”

I’d love your comments.

Warmly,

Sylvia

Business, Change, Confidence

How to make positive change happen

Sylvia Lafair
September 18, 2018

How do we make positive change happen?

I want to start by thanking all of you who responded to my post last week about Taking a New View of Leadership where I talked about my personal reaction to the Auschwitz Exhibition in Madrid Spain.

Watching, with renewed anger, the human inhumanity of so many decades ago that still persists today, and wondering if we can really make positive change happen has me thinking…

What is the way OUT?

In my book, Don’t Bring It To Work I talk about ingrained, outdated behavior patterns that get in the way of success by Observing, Understanding and Transforming what we learned as kids and what no longer works for us as adults.

As is often the case with negative behavior, fear is the root.

We keep repeating what we did as children that kept us safe, after all, we are still here, right? Therefore, making change is threatening.

Often, we smile and nod and say, “Sure, I’ll give that a try” and then we keep on doing the same old thing over and over. That’s not a good way to make positive change happen.

When offered new communication skill training most will do it for a bit, and then slide back to what is familiar and comfortable.

Here is from my experience the best way to make positive change happen:

PEP TALK: That stands for Pattern Encounter Process.

It means doing some role play to practice new ways of communicating with those who push your buttons, set off your triggers. Before you talk for real with that annoyingly irritating person find a friend and practice what you want to say. Notice when you feel the fear start to enter the conversation. Go ahead, push past the desire to back off, be polite, be superficial. After all, remember, this is only a practice session. And then practice a few more times.

In my book Don’t Bring it To Work, on pages 157-160 are the communication skill methods that have helped so many leaders over the years. There is no substitute for practice when it comes to real and lasting change. You simply can’t “think your way” into change. You need to do something to get muscle memory into your body.

When you feel yourself saying, “This is boring” or “I’m fine the way I am” or “Nothing will change no matter what I say” keep practicing. The thousands who have learned to do a PEP TALK, to get beyond resistance, have moved to new levels of success personally as well as professionally.

You all know that joke that is really a basic truth “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” And the answer is Practice, damn it, practice. That is the best way to make positive change happen.

Business, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles

Take a different view of leadership

Sylvia Lafair
September 12, 2018

Today, I’d like to take a different view of leadership. It’s about you and you and you and me. It’s about how to bring our voices into the conversation and how we each can play an important role, no matter what.

My husband Herb and I recently returned from Madrid and Bilbao Spain. This trip gave us an extra whack on the side of the head and I want to extend this whack to you and you and you.

Join us, if you will on a sunny end of summer day in beautiful Madrid. Not a care in the world. All business matters have been put aside. Just time for fun and food and entertainment.

Until…..

An advertisement on the side of a bus caught my attention. It showed a rickety old railroad car and barbed wire. And the last word I expected on a bus in modern Spain. The word was Auschwitz.

It sent a chill down my spine and at first, I just wanted to ignore it. Then I felt myself becoming angry. I didn’t want this vacation peppered with ugly memories from the past. So, I said nothing.

Other buses carried the same ad. And I finally said something.

“Maybe we should go?” I questioned, with little enthusiasm. And those of you who have had the delight of meeting and knowing Herb would have guessed his response. “We keep seeing that ad no matter where we turn. There is a reason it’s not being ignored by us. I think we should go.”

The Auschwitz Exhibition will be on a world tour for the next 7 years. Pay attention when it comes to your area.

Upon entering you are greeted with a quote in Spanish and English by philosopher George Santayana:

“Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it”

Then, in the dim light, you go from room to room travelling through time. A vivid history lesson takes you from pre-war Europe to the end of World War l, through World War ll and beyond.

Most of us know the history. Yet, with today’s life moving so fast, it felt almost ancient, from long, long ago. It is as modern as today’s world refugees being beaten for no reason, as modern as the finger pointing making journalists the enemy, as modern as the level of disrespect and division we see everyday everywhere.

We left feeling diminished, depressed, disgusted.

And yet…….

The last poster on the wall had glimmers of hope and resilience. It is about another view of leadership, about something for each of us, for each of us that goes past education, skills or talents. It is the legacy of one Holocaust survivor for all of us. It is about living life fully, no matter what.

The poster said: You who are passing by

I beg you

Do something

Learn a dance step

Something to justify your existence

Something that gives you the right

To be dressed in your skin in your body

Learn to walk and to laugh

Because it would be too senseless

After all

For so many to have died

While you live

Doing nothing with your life

—–Auschwitz survivor

And that evening…….

We went to have dinner and watch a marvellous Flamenco show. And as the beautiful men and women strutted and stamped their feet and danced to the music I kept wiping tears from my eyes. We are all so amazing and so full of magic to create and delight in each other’s talents.

If only…….

We learned to stand on the shoulders of the past rather than repeat it.

My pledge is to keep knocking down the roadblocks and help everyone I can breakthrough the outdated, ingrained behavior patterns that keep us stuck in the past, stuck from being the best we can be.

I invite you all to take a bold step forward and take a different view of leadership.

What about you and you and you? What is your dance, your song, your ‘raison d’etre,’ your reason for being? I’d love to hear from you.

Business, Leadership Strategies, Success

Do You Know The 3 Fatal Flaws of Success?

Sylvia Lafair
August 28, 2018

What comes to your mind when you utter the word SUCCESS?

Right now, before you read on, just say the word. Taste it, hear it, see it. Does it come out of your mouth with strength and determination or does it make you queasy, afraid, confused?

For most, that power word is filled with glamour and promises of untold riches. Yet, we don’t often take the time to dissect this word and all the subtleties and innuendoes that come with it.

Here is a conversation I had recently with a very successful man who retired a year ago as head of his own global manufacturing company.

I start in the middle of the discussion where it got very fascinating:

He: You know, Sylvia that I am worth a very lot of money now and I don’t have to lift a finger to work hard anymore. I have the American Dream in my back pocket.

Me: I’ve known you for a long time and watched you grow your organization. I’ve seen the ups and downs and I’m glad we have this time to talk about what matters now that you are on the other side of working 24-7.

He: I only wish I had taken some of your advice when you were coaching me through the time of growing my business. I must apologize for firing you when you got too close to the core issue of what was really driving me.

Me: It’s amazing we were able to remain friends, well, not really friends, at least cordial, after we parted ways. I felt like I had let you down, Yet, here you are, a major success, at least that’s how the world sees you. I think the straw that broke the camel’s back with us was when I simply couldn’t jump up and down about the fact you had just purchased your 6th Corvette and wanted to talk about that over and over.

He: Look, I love cars. I love to drive them and polish them and smile when I see others look at me in my many-colored cars with envy.

Me: Was the way you gained your success worth it? I really want to understand your deeper motivation and how you see yourself now that you are no longer in the daily race to win.

And here is where he talked at length about that mysterious word, success. Yes, he said it was worth it to have so much money he could buy whatever at the drop of a hat. He also loved being asked to join boards and continue to have money roll in quickly and easily. He liked being applauded and “bowed to” when he would speak at meetings.

And yet….. his home life had suffered. After his second divorce, he swore never to marry again. And there were still hurts and distance with his three grown children. That is why he had contacted me after so many years. He wanted to relook at what had made him so angry with me those many years ago when he fired me as his coach.

I am now back as a coach with Mr Successful. Here is what he has asked me to write about for all of you to mull over as you continue your path to higher level success.

It’s relationships over “stuff”: Real feelings can’t be bought. He told me that when I mentioned the King Midas story to him ages ago he knew he had to run and hide from me. King Midas wanted to be the richest person in the world. He made a pact with the devil that whatever he touched would turn to gold. And yes, that is what happened. Then one day his daughter, the lovely princess, ran to him and before he could stop her she gave him a hug, and you guessed it, she turned to a golden statue.
Stress and fear don’t go away so fast: No matter how much you have in the bank it cannot make the doubts go away. You really must dig deep and uncover the core reasons why you behave the way you do. The tendency is to pretend happiness while always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the fear is always there that some big bad wolf will huff and puff and blow your house (or houses) down till you have nothing.
Life is about searching for meaning: Unless you spend the time searching inside yourself for real meaning, real values about why you are in this world, you miss the whole point. Grab a coach, a mentor who will help by asking the important questions, so you can bring to light the invisible forces you need to harness and refine. That is the way to build real success and leave a powerful positive legacy.

He and I suggest you get a copy of The Chemistry of Coaching webinar to look at what you need in your career and relationships, so success is neither fleeting nor disappointing. Get a coach to help you uncover the blind spots and stay on course for a well-lived life of meaning.

Best,

Sylvia

Tips for effective workplace communication

Business, Communication, Leadership Strategies

My Top 4 Secrets for Effective Workplace Communication

Sylvia Lafair
August 22, 2018

Did you know that Gallop reports that 74 percent of employees feel disconnected and missing out on important company information and news?

Better yet, did you know most employees are ready to dig in and be amazing employees, at least for the first three months, and then they start to slack off and finally get to “who cares anyway.”

How do you keep communication fresh and lively and keep those you lead and work with delighted and engaged?

4 top secrets for effective workplace communication

You can use these at home or with friends. I have more secrets for effective workplace communication and you can find them in my webinar “Communicate to Captivate” which will help you stay at the top of your game for years to come.

Secret #1: Stay positive

Even if you want to tell someone they are not doing a great job, there are ways to talk with them, so they don’t lose a sense of self.

Example: If someone is talking way too much about trivial things in meetings and even in hallway encounters and others are getting frustrated, you can say “I think you have so many interesting and useful things to say and I’d like you to consider a goal to be to curtail your messages so they are shorter and therefore will be heard more effectively.

In this day and age, shorter is smarter and since I already know you are smart, how about giving shorter a shot.”

Secret #2: Think learning styles

One size does not fit all. There are those of you who are visual learners, those who are auditory learners and those who are kinesthetic learners.

Use all 3 ways of getting your points across. Example: For visuals paint what you say with colors. Talk about the bright rainbow of delight that the successful project will bring. Use images that spark the imagination and visual learners will love it. For auditory learners, use words like “listen to the praise that comes with a successful project.”

And for the kinesthetic who love the hands-on approach, talk about the wonderful feeling of warmth that comes from knowing you have helped clients get to the next level of success.

Secret #3: Less is more

Attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. You can’t fight this trend.

Thus, being brief is a winner in the communication game. Make your messages easy to follow.

One great piece of advice I give leaders is to write down in detail what they want to say to an individual or a group, and then give what they are writing a title. Yes, like the title of a play or book. That is what you want to use as your entree and end with it also. Think about this for a minute. Think about your life story to date. What title would you give your life play (it can always be changed).

Example: The title of my play right now is “Keep Going, Keep Growing.” What would you say about your life story?

Secret #4: Have an action plan

Everyone wants and yes, needs some help with direction.

No, you don’t take them by the hand and lead, however, you do suggest where to go for more information (offer some books or articles) and give options to help them decide what to do with the information at hand.

Example: Use a story about how others have made great strides in finishing a complex project. Give hope and show folks that everyone comes to a fork in the road and with some good examples they can get over seemingly impossible barriers. Example: Talk about someone (Steve jobs comes to mind) and how he was drummed out f his own company only to return to make it a major success. Then ask whoever you are talking with what would be the first step in their own plan.

HINT: all you need is the beginning of an action plan, not a major page-turner of what to do.

Practicing and perfecting effective workplace communication is vital to how you will be received.

In “Communicate to Captivate” you get many excellent ideas on how to engage those around you to do more than they (and you) ever thought possible.

With Deep Appreciation,

Sylvia

Business, Change

New…A Carwash for Your Brain

Sylvia Lafair
August 7, 2018
Business, Change

Do you go through an internal battle when it’s time for a change? Do others resist your new attitudes and behaviors? Do you just want to go back to the good old days and stay in your zone of comfort?

Here is what I received from a colleague who was promoted to a senior leadership role talking about his discomfort as he navigates new territory.

Dear Sylvia,

Hope all is good with your move to California full time. I would like some help. What I really want is a pacifier and a baby blanket. However, I’ll settle for some words of wisdom.

You know how amazingly happy I was to get the promotion to senior VP. I knew it was time and I knew I would do a great job. However, now that I’m in that bigger boss place for several months it’s not all sunshine and roses.

It seems I’m not getting the support I thought I would get. I even hear that damn gossip grapevine loudly whispering that I’m not as good as they all thought I would be. I feel alone and yes, abandoned by folks who I thought were my friends.

Not sure which way to turn.

Signed,

Life Not Beautiful

Here is my response to Life Not Beautiful

Sounds like you’re stuck in the past. Yes, you were super successful and now it’s time for some major changes. I think you will find my webinar “Give Change a Chance” very eye-opening. You see, we all have the battle to fight to get to the next level of personal and professional development.

Think what it was like going from middle school to high school or high school to college, or college to work. You get what I mean.

I think when change is in the air we all need a “car wash for the brain!” Time to get the old, encrusted ways of thinking and responding washed away.

As you develop your leadership skills you need to find new and more effective ways to communicate. Many of your colleagues may have loved your ability to tell lively stories (you do have a way with words) and now, you just don’t have the same amount of time. Even more important, you have to change how you relate to those who now report to you. The quality of the relationships will change and you need to be ready for this.

Here’s how crazy hard it is to implement change even when you know it’s time for a change.

A study was done years ago about the quality of care received in hospitals in the middle of the night by tired interns and residents. It was not good. Many mistakes happened some life-threatening. Yet, it wasn’t until 2003 that congressional legislation required the interns and residents to work an 80- hour week rather than the insane 120 hours most had been clocking.

Pushback came from older physicians who were annoyed with the legislation saying “If it was good enough for me, it’s good enough for them.”

Change is tough and it is natural to go through a battle internally when it’s time for a change. Yet, looking at what is going on and doing it differently is the only real way for ultimate success. So, get a copy of the webinar and give me a call for a strategy session to help you find the best route to navigate your new leadership position.

Business, Leadership

Building Trustworthy Relationships at Work

Sylvia Lafair
August 1, 2018

I recently worked with a client and the questions he had were around building trustworthy relationships at work which got me thinking…

Who do you trust?

And more importantly, why do you trust one person and not another? Like love, trust is amorphous. You can’t touch it, smell it or see it. Yet, most of the time you know by your feelings if someone is playing you for a fool or acting in your best interests.

A large component of leadership development and effective team building has to do with building trustworthy relationships at work.

Here is a recent email I received asking for a strategy session around this complex area of trust and I might add telling the truth.

Here is a bird’s eye view of my conversation with a very smart and successful CEO who was just told his team felt that trust was lacking in the organization.

The story:

David was confused and disgusted when we talked. He thought that by having a compelling vision, innovative insights, and a solid work strategy his team was rocking it.

However, when they finally told him (at a recent off-site) the only way to please him and have solid job assurance was to show their happy faces and never argue. They didn’t really trust each other, it was all about performance and saying the right thing at the right time.

It took some deep digging for them to tell him that, yes, they were, in fact, afraid of him. They respect him and yet, much of their behavior was for show and they tended to internalize their feelings rather than be open and honest.

David wondered as we talked if it is even possible to be open and honest when salaries and a bonus are at stake.

Here is his new strategy after we talked and dissected his concerns:

Trust must be earned over time and it takes time. The bedfellow with trust is the truth. It is only by telling your clear and concise truth that trust develops.

Here is what David learned in our time together: Telling the truth is NOT spilling your guts. Let me say this once more, telling the truth is not spilling your guts.

Trust can also be pushed aside if real feelings are shoved aside so everyone can look happy and no deep conflicts are ever addressed.

David, began to see that underneath the best-laid plans, underneath the most comprehensive numbers, there is always, always an emotional component that must be considered.

Being a leader and inspiring trust means giving up control. It means searching for meaning that is above and beyond the mistakes and disappointments that come with the territory of relationships at work. It means listening and interacting with others using the tools of communication to find solutions.

Among other action items, I suggested two books for David: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together by William Isaacs.

These are amazing books I think all of you would love. And if you have an issue with building trustworthy relationships at work (or want to my help with seeing new possibilities for yourself) and want a strategy session this summer is a great time to connect.

Business, Communication, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership Strategies

Is your work environment toxic with lots of “staff infections”?

Kristen Poborsky
July 25, 2018

Here is what many people have emailed me regarding toxic work environments, and they all sound like they work in the same company.

The only difference is the geographic location, the same toxic work environment seems to pop up everywhere.

These companies are scattered around the U.S., actually around the world from Pittsburgh to Paris, Long Island to London, and Milwaukee to Madrid.

Yet they are all infected with the same “staff infection”.

I will respond to all. Here is one of the ways a frustrated senior leader wrote to me:

Hi Dr Sylvia,

I am ready to quit!

Now, this is a big deal because I’m making good money, have great benefits, and I am even in line to be sent to your Total Leadership Connections program in the fall.

However, there is so much backbiting at my company I just don’t know if I can stay.

The toxicity is making it hard to breathe. My nemesis, a woman named Deb is the worst. She sits at her desk and moans so loudly it’s like a bomb going off right in front of us. She complains about everyone and everything.

Nothing satisfies her.

I really think she wants to be fired so she can claim a hostile work environment lawsuit. While we each report to the same Senior VP, he just brushes it off as “Well, that’s Downer Deb at it again.” He says this to himself, although once, he did admit me she is a pain in the butt.

This has been going on for so long I think he has normalized the abnormal.

Do you have any helpful suggestions before I call it quits and look for another job?

Signed,

Disgusted with Downer Deb

Here is my answer to all who have a Deb or Don or David or a Belinda, or whoever at work that can never be happy no matter what.

In an office, just like in a family, everyone learns to deals with conflict and disappointments in their own way. At some point someone needs to find the courage to stand up to the craziness with decency and dignity.

Guess all of you who have written to me about the “staff infections” are the ones who can make the changes, or at least, give it your best shot before you decide to leave for greener pastures.

Leadership development is important for everyone and it’s up to YOU to help change the dynamics at work.

It’s not that different than speaking up about a difficult family situation. You can learn more about how why most people will bury their heads in the sand rather than speak out at work in my book Don’t Bring It To Work.

For starters, please take a few minutes and look at who you went to as a kid when there were troubles and unfairness at home (yes, we all experienced some form of negativity). Then look at how the issues were resolved.

If you were in a family that avoided or denied the tough stuff you will be more prone to walk away rather than find the courage to face the Debbie Downers.

Look, this situation is impacting YOU or you would not be writing to me.

Therefore, you need to talk to your boss and share your concerns. This will, I promise you, raise your self- esteem and give you the opportunity to be part of the change you want to see.

For all of you living with toxic co-workers.

The courage to dare is the beginning. Please contact me directly so I can help you before you decide to leave a company that is giving you so many perks and possibilities.

Thinking about getting to the next level of development

Business, Leadership Strategies, Success

Leadership Strategies: Getting to the next level of development

Sylvia Lafair
June 13, 2018

I am always struck by the battle each of us must go through as we open the door to the next level of development. It’s time to see things with new eyes, yet, there is a lurking sense that if we stray too far from what we know, well, we might fall an shatter.

I have not found this it to true, yet, the fear is always there hiding in the background. So, I’m thinking of starting a new company. A car wash for brains.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could sit and let water and suds wash away our misconceptions and concerns about how to get to the next level of success without the pain and discomfort usually there?

Until my clean brain wash is ready, how about a webinar? I have a place for you to join me to get rid of the ingrained, outdated thoughts and behaviours that get in the way of effective living.

Think about new perspectives for a minute and these are designed to give you a new way of looking at the next level of development in your life.

Would you really keep wearing the same clothes and underwear day after day? Of course not.

And would you only eat potato chips and drink diet soda and nothing else for days on end?

Here’s a question to ponder: Do you always take the same route to work each day and, if there’s a traffic jam do you simply sit there and complain or make a quick turn around to find an alternative way to work?

A study was done years ago about the quality of care received in hospitals in the middle of the night by tired interns and residents. There were negative issues and poor decisions made based on the extreme levels of exhaustion of these young doctors.

Yet, it wasn’t until 2003 that there was congressional legislation requiring residents to work an 80 hour week rather than the insane 120 hours most had been clocking.

Surprisingly, pushback came from older physicians who said: “ If it was good enough for me, it’s good enough for them.”

Think of it this way, if you suffered in some way in your life, do you want others to also have to learn in the school of hard knocks?

I believe that those of who learned the hard way can be great mentors for those still climbing the ladder of life and help them find new and better, faster and smarter ways to get work done.

I know I want to be a cheerleader, an advisor, a helper, to find more effective ways than the “damn, I did it again and it didn’t work” mentality.

I’m here to help you get to the next level of development by learning to develop new emotional muscles and forge new paths in your life, at work and at home. My webinar about the 3 C’s of effective leadership will help you get out of a rut and find new solutions to old problems.

So, here is some advice right this moment to help you get to the next level of development…

Please remember to change your underwear, change what you eat, and especially change what you are thinking when behaviour patterns repeat and repeat and repeat without success.

Best,

Sylvia

Business, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Here’s How to Avoid the 5 Basic Mistakes That Create Job Stress

Sylvia Lafair
May 31, 2018
Business, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Do you ever just wish that you could have a moratorium on change? That maybe, just for a month you could count on things staying the same? That you could depend on your work colleagues to show up and do their jobs so you could do yours? That sales would percolate and products get shipped on time? And yet, that’s not the way it is.

We all seem to be overdosed on change.

Change is the bedfellow of stress. Each day there is something new, exciting or challenging to keep us on our toes. And many of us are sick and tired of the ambiguity and uncertainty that makes us go home tired, burned out, defeated.

High daily outside pressure can lead to high daily internal pressure and voila, stress enters uninvited.

A study in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine indicates that job burnout is a strong predictor of coronary heart disease and high stress leads to wear and tear and eventually weakens the body.

Stress, due to constant change, is the hot word in today’s work world.

To stay healthy and meet today’s business challenges with poise and power you need to look at the following check list and make sure you have the basic areas covered.

Mistakes lead to hypertension, poor sleep patterns and lousy relationships. So, pay attention.

Escape from reality: Your body wants to use old, outdated tactics of fight, flight or freeze to battle change. Won’t work. You can duke it out, and change will still win, leaving you exhausted. You can run but there’s nowhere to hide. You can stay put and change will happen all around you anyway.

Blame someone else: Upper management asking too much of you or direct reports slacking off. Maybe so. Are you looking for protection from the heavy load or blaming those who are not paying attention to your burden? The more you “should” on others as the culprits the longer it takes to get the results you want.

Time is the enemy: You are willing to change and get the work done. That’s the spirit. Except you want to do it on your personal schedule. You think you will feel less stress when you can spread out the project so you have more time to prepare. Won’t happen. When you resist the pace, you fight the impossible. Time is the constant, it won’t change. It’s up to you to move faster and resist less.

Work harder not smarter: Shifting your mindset is the monumental task. That’s where the real work is. Once you look around you and begin to create new patterns of reacting you can reduce stress and increase efficiency. Adapting to the newest technology or even asking for help when you never did in the past is the way. If you think adapting is tough, not adapting is tougher. Just ask a dinosaur.

No tolerance for course correction: Just in the middle of the project, when all seems to be going well, change changes its mind. This is the time to pivot, to improvise, to laugh at the impossibility of it all, to bounce and create a mid-course correction. The more you balk at the inevitable the more stress will sabotage success.

Making stress work for you takes personal initiative.

Over the top stress won’t go away. You need to be the master of your fate and make sure you are the stress master of your own destiny. It’s okay to get angry, rail your fist against the situation, however, only for a minute. Then admit you need to surrender to change and find new ways of responding.

Resistance to change is the biggest enemy of success.

Start to observe and manage your own behavior more effectively. Look at what triggers your upset and stop. Stop, breathe, pivot.

Yes, stop, decide to be the master of your reactivity not the servant of your old, outdated behavior. Then you and change become colleagues rather than adversaries. That’s the foundation of successful stress management.

1 2 3 … 8 Next

What Do Women and Men Want?

How to make positive change happen

Take a different view of leadership

Do You Know The 3 Fatal Flaws of Success?

My Top 4 Secrets for Effective Workplace Communication

4 top secrets for effective workplace communication

New…A Carwash for Your Brain

Building Trustworthy Relationships at Work

Is your work environment toxic with lots of “staff infections”?

Leadership Strategies: Getting to the next level of development

Here’s How to Avoid the 5 Basic Mistakes That Create Job Stress

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