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Business, Growth, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles

What Does Integrity Really Mean?

Sylvia Lafair
August 28, 2019

Did you know that integrity is the most mentioned business value in the world? In almost all cultures the concept of integrity comes at the top of the list which also includes collaboration, creativity, and communication.

Integrity is such a BIG word. Question is “What does it really mean?”

Traditional ways of thinking about integrity include what I call ‘The 5 B’s’:

Be honest
Be respectful
Be courageous
Be balanced
Be consistent

Sounds good. They all fit as part of the definition of integrity. And yet…

Be honest: have you ever told any little white lies or a big one?
Be respectful: Have you ever judged someone as soon as you met them?
Be courageous: Have you ever held back to play it safe?
Be balanced: Have you ever exaggerated to make points for yourself?
Be consistent: Have you ever over-promised and under-delivered?

Here I would like to offer another perspective about integrity. It’s about shining the light on the consequences of your behavior. I suggest that integrity must include taking the time to think through the results of our actions and the impact they can have over time.

The 1967 film “The Graduate” had a striking moment when Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) a recent college graduate is back at home with his parents as he tries to avoid the one question everyone keeps asking him about what he wants to do with his life.

A very helpful man pulls Benjamin aside to offer him career advice and says to him with a sure and smug attitude… “There’s just one thing I want to say” to which the college grad asks “What” and the man replies, “Plastic.”

By the early ’70s, the idea of everything plastic was where the winners would make their fortunes. Selling water (selling water?) in plastic bottles was becoming the rage.

Needless to say, there is more to the story, including Mrs. Robinson. It’s a fascinating film directed by Mike Nichols and a good one to re-see or see for the first time.

In any case, who would have thought that something so simple and useful like plastic could become the worst possible thing for our planet 50 years later?

Thinking through the consequences of our actions and how people and situations and things impact each other is at the core of integrity. We MUST start asking different questions and making a longer timeline for our actions and the reactions that will occur.

And that is the essence of integrity: to integrate all aspects of a situation and as best as we can, and do no harm.

Business icon, Warren Buffett says it perfectly, “In looking for people to hire, look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don’t have the first one, the other two will kill you.”

In all of our leadership programs we teach that “We’re all connected, and no one wins unless we all do.”

And that, my friends, is the core of long term, sustainable integrity.

Want to know more about where you fit with leadership values? Go to www.ceoptions.com, take the leadership quiz and contact us to go over the results.

Also, for all the female professionals please join our private women leaders Facebook group. Here is the link to the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenleadersinnercircle

Business, Confidence, Growth, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

What happens when you put yourself first?

Sylvia Lafair
August 14, 2019

What happens when you put yourself first?

Are you seen as selfish, or even worse, as a narcissist?

And if you constantly put yourself at the end of the line, does that make you a good, caring person or a
whining martyr?

In times past…it was the protocol to be humble, smile, and not take much credit. That was polite and proper.
And in those olden days, if a child proudly said they did a great job of painting a picture, skating down
the street without falling, or baking chocolate chip cookies to die for, they were told to stop patting
themselves on the back and being self-serving.

Now, in this present era, there is a contest in all areas of life for people to puff up their achievements
and there is constant competition to be THE BEST.

How healthy are lots of bragging and the need to be better than everyone else? Even more to the point,
how possible is it to really become and stay in THE BEST spot?

One of my clients emailed me recently:

Dear Sylvia,

I took a nosedive for a few weeks feeling frustrated and depressed. I’m just about over that
ugly time and thought you would appreciate where I am now. As you know, I have always been the top
salesperson in my company and lately, there are a few young titans who are working 24-7 to take the
title away from me.

I learned from the coaching I’ve had with you to look at life in a more balanced way.

I really got that work-life balance is a big myth. You can’t cut your daily life into perfect pieces, like an apple pie.

Here is where I am now, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. I finally decided I will let these younger
people become the top sales gurus. I must admit, it took me a bit of time to look at my own ego needs
before I could let go of the B.S. of having to be THE BEST.

I know, I know, you kept hammering home that striving to be THE BEST and striving to stay there is just
plain stupid and can lead to exhaustion and overwhelm.

And thank you for constantly focusing on well- being as a top priority.

So now, I can put myself first by making sure I have all the physical, mental, and emotional nourishment I
need to support myself and also have the delight in knowing I am really good at my job and I can now be
of help to the younger ones and still, have a great career and good financial returns.

So many who have been THE BEST have to make way for others and how they do that shows how strong
they are internally.

I just read that tennis champion, Serena Williams had back spasms and had to leave the Rogers Cup Final
in Toronto. She is a great player and a positive person and rather than make excuses she handled herself
with elegance. No bragging, no defending, no explaining or justifying herself.

And just like me with my young titan sales folks who make me feel like an elder, the gal Serena played
against, Bianca Andreescu is only 19 years old.

Being THE BEST has taken on a whole new meaning that I want to share here. It means not competing
with others the way I used to, it means keeping myself strong enough to handle life’s challenges with dignity.

Like Serena, I want to continue to handle life’s challenges without needing to brag that I am THE BEST.

And I’m glad you have the tools to help people get out of the trap of our cultural obsession with needing
to be THE BEST.

Business, Communication, Conflict Resolutions, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Being Able to Communicate for Clarity is Necessary

Sylvia Lafair
August 6, 2019

Being able to communicate for clarity is an art…even if we are speaking in the same language it’s often hard to get clear with another person.

My dear client Kellie called me, and I could tell she was choking back tears. I waited to see what the dilemma was. It was a big one. She was ready to quit the job because of an argument with her boss, that she said was ‘the last straw.’

I have also coached her boss, a gentleman who was almost always gracious and positive. So, I wondered, what could have set her over the edge.

Bottom line, it was a misunderstanding of choice of words and it really shook her to the core…and if she had just been able to communicate for clarity the drama could have been avoided.

Her boss was frustrated because she took time off without checking with him and no one knew where she was and could not get her on her cell phone.

He challenged Kellie and told her he thought she was being irresponsible and yes, he was angry. It became a ‘he said, she said,’ since she had told HR she was leaving to take a sick friend to the emergency room.

HR simply noted this, assumed she had told her boss and thought the matter was closed.

Kellie did the right thing and yet, was reprimanded. It was when her boss said she had been irresponsible that she flew off the handle. It was a word that had followed her throughout her teen years when she was caring for a sick mother and yet told no one when she left school early.

So, here she was, helping a friend and getting a sucker punch from her boss.

What could have been done differently? Could have either one of them effectively communicate for clarity and avoid this mess?

Mr. Boss could have asked what happened before he launched his attack. He didn’t take the time to get clear. And Kellie could have stopped him right at the start of his angry outburst and clearly told him what course she had taken.

Why do we hold back?

Why do so many of us crumble rather than go for deeper clarity? Why is there so much confusion when even just two people talk to each other, and often these are two people who want to get along?

More questions and less finger-pointing would work. AND sometimes we need to ask a question, listen to the answer and then…. Clarify that we are on the same page.

Kinda like the man who was stopped for driving a bit too fast:

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said “Why are there penguins in your truck?
The man replied, “These are my penguins, they belong to me.”
The policeman said, “You need to take them to the zoo.”
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again since he saw the penguins were still in the back of the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time.
“I thought I told you to take the penguins to the zoo.” The officer said.
“I did” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Clarity! Just one or two extra questions can save a lot of grief.

And Kellie with her boss? They have a new practice when they meet to make sure they are clear with each other by asking each other to repeat back what needs to be done, state their intentions, and offer responses that are short, to the point and yup.. very clear.

I will be covering, in detail, how to communicate for clarity in my on-line GUTSY WOMEN LEADERS program. This may be a good time to set up a call with me for further details.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Gutsy, Leadership Styles, Managing Stress

How do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Sylvia Lafair
July 30, 2019

When the heat index goes way into the red zone how do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Here is a composite of the types of emails I have been getting the past month, mostly from the east coast of the U.S. and from much of Europe.

It goes something like this:

“It’s too hot to think. It’s too hot to talk. It’s too hot for anything except sitting in an air-conditioned room and checking Facebook. Can’t even concentrate to watch my favorite rerun of Suits.”

And then there are many who write: “The planet is in real trouble and we are not doing enough. We have done ourselves in and maybe the only place to go is to Mars. What about the little ones who will inhabit a flat, hot, and maybe even unlivable piece of real estate.”

The big ‘ask’ has been “What do we do during these times of stress that are certainly not in our personal realm to change. Can’t change the murky, miserable weather, can’t single-handedly stop the polar ice caps from melting, and refusing plastic straws in a restaurant feels like a helpful, yet meaningless act.”

The weather will change (and maybe end up too cold with tons of snow) and there will still be those who complain about the cold and those who will wring their hands and talk about climate change.

I was thinking about the bridge that needs to be considered between these two perspectives and I flashed to a time when we had invited the esteemed Ram Dass to teach at Creative Energy Options many years ago.

He was asked a variation of the question: “What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart. When it seems like Armageddon is around the corner.”

His answer has stayed with me all these years and it is so relevant during these hot, steamy, combative, and confusing times we are living through. I give you his words here, and if you don’t know who Ram Dass is, please look him up and when the weather cools a bit read his classic book Be Here Now or his newest Changing Lenses.

What Ram Dass said was that if Armageddon is arriving you need to “center yourself, breathe deeply, acknowledge what is happening, and …. Read this in his own words,

“I’ve been asked many times if this is the Aquarian age and it’s all just beginning or is this Armageddon and it’s the end, and I have to admit I don’t know.

The way I’ve usually copped out in dealing with this is saying, “Whichever way it goes, my work is the same: to quiet the mind and open my heart and relieve suffering wherever I find it.”

The more I do inner work, the more my awareness breaks down the boundaries between myself and other people, and the more that happens, the more there’s only “us” instead of “them.” And then the more there’s only “us,” the more the suffering of everyone, and the joy of everyone, becomes my suffering and my joy.”

For everyone living where it is too hot, and those living where it will be too cold and for all of us living with the threats of floods and fires and winds that blow too strongly, now is the time, as Ram Dass suggests, to do the inner work, confront personal history, and make decisions based on your inner wisdom rather than your inner critic.

That is the core of my new 8- week program specifically for GUTSY WOMEN LEADERS who want to kick overwhelm to the curb.

Please consider joining my Facebook group, Women Leaders Inner Circle where there will be lots of tips as well as more information about the soon to be released GUTSY program.

Business, Change, Growth, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

My Radical Sabbatical Update

Sylvia Lafair
July 17, 2019

Several months ago, I took a ‘radical sabbatical’ to recalibrate and decide on the next steps for my career. I must admit, that one month now seems like several years ago.

Why?

Because I wanted to do something new and different and I wasn’t sure what that was. I found myself floundering and I couldn’t decide. I was stalled. My mind was like an old gerbil wheel and it kept going faster with no real insights about what road to take.

I was in analysis paralysis.

I took that month of no writing and minimal coaching and absolutely no new projects. Until…

I finally decided it was time to put all my long-term programs online and offer them to a larger audience around the world.

I am delighted with the decision. It took till the end of the second week of my radical sabbatical to find my new path and I couldn’t be happier.

I have been learning so much about best practices for marketing material and in doing so, I am also learning to see my work in a new and different way.

I also learned a faster and simpler way to new ways of thinking that I want to share with you here.

Stay with me, please….

Imagine sitting at the edge of a lake with your feet dangling in the water. It’s sunset and the sky is filled with pink, fluffy clouds. It is quiet.

You are alone. Just you, bullfrogs, the butterflies, and the breeze.

You breathe in the clean country air. At first, your mind is still on the latest frustration at work, the conflicts and tensions of getting things done. You are aware of the stress in your shoulders as you reenact the ‘shoulds, coulds, and didn’ts ‘ that put your stomach in a knot.

You are ready for, if not a radical sabbatical, at least for a time to unplug and relax.

Here are some tips to help you take a short holiday from your everyday trials and tribulations. And the good news is, you can do this every day to refuel and revision what you need to do next.

You can take your mind for a walk in the park, a moment at the lake, a day at the beach and yes, you can do this without leaving your desk.

How to take a mini radical sabbatical

Twenty minutes: This is the time science has shown it takes for you to calm your thoughts. You can call it meditation or simply being silent. All you need to do is focus on your breath; in through your nose and out through your mouth. Simply say “in” as you inhale and “out” when you exhale. You will begin to relax and very shortly the tension will melt from your body. Then you magically make space for new ideas to appear and old issues become easier to solve.
Ten minutes: Get up on your feet. Now it’s time to walk. Anywhere is fine. Just focus on your feet. Notice how you put each foot on the earth. Start with your heel and then slide to your toe. Notice if you put different pressure on your right or left foot. Go slowly and simply say “right “and then “left.” You will soon get into a comfortable rhythm and for 10 minutes you can simply be anywhere on the planet you prefer. AND, if possible, walk barefoot in the grass. This has been shown to really help with health and well-being.
Five minutes: Hummmmm. Yup, keep your mouth closed and start to hum. Play with different octaves. Start low and go high or vice versa. You may even get a bit dizzy, enjoy the feeling. You are really giving yourself an oxygen boost. When you stop, you’ll feel energized.

You don’t need six months or even a week to feel different. You need just a bit over half an hour to be by yourself and get centered. Most of us don’t take the time to readjust our nervous systems.

See this as your radical sabbatical and let me know how you feel.

3 habits that may be keeping you labeled as mega stupid

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

These 3 habits may be keeping you labeled as mega-stupid

Sylvia Lafair
July 8, 2019

Who do you work with you think is a dumb ass?

Someone who you will never ask for advice. Did you ever take the time to sort out the different levels of stupid? Here is a thought to ponder: Ignorance can be educated, crazy can be medicated. But what is the cure for stupid?

There have been dopey leaders since the beginning of time. Some will own their mistakes while others just get a glazed look and say “huh?”

Here’s what Cicero, the Roman politician, and lawyer had to say way back in the day “Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.”

Check these 3 habits that can keep you labeled as mega-stupid.

And you know the old saying if the shoe fits …. It must belong to you.

Habit #1: Pattern repetition:

It’s so true that “if you also do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got.” Henry Ford, Mark Twain, Tony Robbins, and many others have been credited with the quote. Take your pick, each is a super creative innovator and the opposite of a stupid leader.

Stupid means you hide under the covers when change is in the air. It means you are willing to end up with what worked in the past and is no longer relevant. That means stagnation and yes, pattern repetition.

Think about work this way for a minute…

The passion for being a leader or an entrepreneur is to be a creative problem solver. Once you solve a problem you get to the next problem and the creative juices keep flowing. It’s fun and challenging.

However, if you keep facing the same problems over and over and the responses are always the same, it’s no longer a problem. It’s a pattern.

Pay attention: when the tendency is to repeat ineffective, and often self-destructive behavior, you are in the realm of stupid.

Habit #2: Avoidance:

What do you do when a situation is uncomfortable? Do you find an excuse to leave or just pick yourself up to get out of the tension that conflict arouses? Here is a good quote to memorize from American philosopher Elbert Hubbard about being an avoider, “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.”

Don’t take an avoider’s excuse at face value. They know what is going on and simply let others tackle the tough stuff. They usually only want to come back to talk when they think there will be a happy outcome.

Please remember that becoming self -aware is disruptive and inevitably requires change. And many times the change is embarrassing an even exhausting.

Stupid leaders let their fears keep them from engaging.

Habit #3: Denial:

This is a group of stupid leaders we could call the “NOTSEES.” (Say this fast and shudder!) They pretend the world is great and they are part of the truly best and the brightest. They always praise themselves, rarely do any research to see if what they are thinking has any true merit (flat earthers, anyone?), and they never have backup plans in case a dose of reality hits them on the head.

Denying what is going on will not make it go away (climate change, anyone?). It makes it tough for any real change to happen.

These stupid leaders will always point the finger at others while they defend their position, justify their thinking and attack those who disagree.

What can you do to help a stupid leader smarten up?

Your job is to speak up, stay centered and offer suggestions. You can talk about a book that will help your stupid leader take off the foggy glasses, even for just a brief time.

One great book is Whiplash: How to Survive our Faster Future by Joi Ito and Jeff Howe.

The cure for stupid is communication and compassion. You need to disrupt the traditional way of holding back what you are thinking and become a leader with your stupid boss or supervisor regardless of where you fit in the pecking order.

And, if you are the boss, maybe it’s a good time to ask HR to have a 360 assessment so you can see your weak spots in back and white.

I have a great assessment tool that has helped so many become better bosses and eliminate the 3 habits may be keeping you labeled as mega-stupid because it is focused on behavior patterns that are no longer effective. Send me an email and I give you the info.

Business, Leadership, Success

This Is A Good Time To Check Out Your Freedom Quotient

Sylvia Lafair
July 3, 2019

When is the last time you did a check-in about your freedom quotient?

Like your IQ and your EQ, your FQ is vital for your health and well-being.

On Independence Day, if you live in America, you have a great time to stop, spend a half hour and ask yourself some questions. Find out how free you really are, personally and professionally.

And, no matter where you live on this complex and beautiful planet this is a perfect time to check your FQ.

Question 1: What do you do when your ‘inner critic’ chirps in with “You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Who do you think you are, offering your advice? You don’t have the skills for what you are doing.”

Yes, we’ve all been there.

(a)Do you tell that noisy, bossy voice to ‘zip it?’

(b)Or do you apologize to the world and stay quiet?

Question 2: What do you do when you are talking with a colleague and they want to prove you are wrong about your comments?

(a)Do you smile, shrug and respond with “Thanks for the feedback” and ignore what they have said?

(b)Do you ask open-ended questions (who what where when or why) to gather more information?

Question 3: What do you do when you are ready to take a big risk to challenge conventional wisdom and your family and friends say, “That’s not how we do things here.”

(a)Do you apologize and say you were just thinking out loud and change your decision?

(b)Do you turn on your heel and tell them to mind their own business?

(c) Do you stand firm and let them know that change is difficult, and you understand their concern, yet you will move forward anyway?

Question 4: What do you do when a great opportunity comes your way and you know you are still in the middle of a steep learning curve and not sure you are right for the project?

(a) Do you ask for help to fill in the missing pieces of your education?

(b)Do you back away gracefully, only to mourn the missed opportunity?

(c)Do you take a deep breath and take the leap into the new anyway?

OKAY, what do you do now?

The correct answers are Q1:C; Q2:B; Q3:C Q4:A.

Here is the way to real freedom.

The inner you and the outer you must match. That is called being congruent and it is the direct path to being able to live a free and fully integrated life.

This is a lifetime course, to be free, in the true sense of the word.

It’s deep and often difficult work. Yet, it’s worth it. It’s what everyone wants, free to be you and me. No more closets to hide in, no more secrets to bury, no more feelings of inadequacy to carry.

My staff and I are getting our key programs that have helped thousands find freedom online soon. They are guaranteed to help you move into your real superpower, being free to make your best contributions and have relationships that are creative and rewarding.

Then, let the fireworks begin.

Business, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Success

3 Habits You Want to Avoid at All Costs

Sylvia Lafair
June 26, 2019

Which do you want to be labeled as smart or dumb? I this article I cover the 3 habits you want to avoid at all costs.

Let me ask you a question: Who do you work with you think is a dumb ass?

There have been dopey leaders since the beginning of time. Some will own their mistakes while others just get a glazed look and say “huh?”

Here’s what Cicero, the Roman politician, and lawyer had to say way back in the day “Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.”

Here are 3 habits you want to avoid and will label you as mega-stupid

And you know the old saying if the shoe fits …. It must belong to you

Habit #1: Pattern repetition

Think about work this way for a minute. The passion of being a leader or an entrepreneur is to be a creative problem solver. Once you solve a problem you get to the next problem and the creative juices keep flowing. It’s fun and challenging.

However, if you keep facing the same problems over and over and the responses are always the same, it’s no longer a problem. It’s a pattern.

Pay attention: when the tendency is to repeat ineffective, and often self-destructive behavior, you are in the realm of stupid.

Habit #2: Avoidance

Please remember that becoming self -aware is disruptive and inevitably requires change. And many times the change is embarrassing an even exhausting.

Stupid leaders let their fears keep them from engaging.

Habit #3: Denial

Denying what is going on will not make it go away (climate change, anyone?). It makes it tough for any real change to happen.

These stupid leaders will always point the finger at others while they defend their position, justify their thinking and attack those who disagree.

What can you do to help a stupid leader smarten up?

Your job is to speak up, stay centered and offer suggestions. You can talk about a book that will help your stupid leader take off the foggy glasses, even for just a brief time.

One great book is Whiplash: How to Survive our Faster Future by Joi Ito and Jeff Howe.

And, if you are the boss, maybe it’s a good time to ask HR to have a 360 assessment so you can see your weak spots in back and white.

I have a great assessment tool that has helped so many become better bosses because it is focused on behavior patterns that are no longer effective. Send me an email sylvia@ceoptions.com and I give you the info.

Business, Communication, Conflict Resolutions, Stress

Coping with stress and frustrations in the workplace

Sylvia Lafair
May 15, 2019

What do you do when you’ve had enough, and you just can’t look at one more project or help one more person solve an angry dispute at work? Here’s 4 tips to coping with stress and frustrations in the workplace.

Some of us go outside to puff on a cigarette (you betcha there are lots of people still smoking). Maybe you call a friend and vent to them about the difficult folks you work with. Another coping mechanism can be found in comping down a chocolate bar or some other sugar-laden candy. And of course, there is beer or wine or vodka or scotch.

If you can’t talk about your frustrations maybe you stuff your emotions and just keep going, no matter how rotten you feel.

You know, the mantra that goes on and on in your head, “Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.” In the end, you then end up taking your annoyance home. That’s when you get extra pissy with your partner or feel the need to blame the kids for being too loud, too flippant, to disrespectful.

Look, not all stress is bad. Good stress can make you excel, pumping you with extra adrenaline before the speech or before the race.

However, stress that has no end in sight, stress that keeps the anger burning, stress that makes you feel worthless, stress that gives you brain fog, this stress can only lead from bad to worse to some form of disaster.

In an article by Jeffrey Pfeffer in The Wall Street Journal, March 2, 2019, he talks about the hidden costs of stressed out workers. One of the most important issues he addresses is the need for greater autonomy for workers.

The world is changing and as individuals develop, there is a yearning, a strong desire to make decisions for oneself. No longer do people want to punch a clock when they walk into work in the morning and punch out when they leave.

As Pfeffer states, “Decades of research show that worker who have more control over their jobs and are subject to less micromanagement, are more motivated and engaged in their work.” And that amazing outdoor apparel company, Patagonia, uses a flat organizational structure to ensure that each manager has too many people to oversee to micromanage them.

They call this “management by absence.”

I suggest that well- being at work comes about when everyone learns the core methods of healthy accountability and understands how they fit into the larger system.

In my book “Don’t Bring It To Work” I underline these key ways to keep stress from ruining your days and work and make sure they do not end up ruing your nights at home:

Tell the truth without spilling your guts
Say what you mean and do what you say
Create healthy boundaries on when to say NO
Ask for what you need before deciding “they won’t listen to you”

In every off-site I have facilitated around the world, there are certain basic similarities. There is a desire for more trust with colleagues, more authenticity, more creativity, and especially for more autonomy.

Finding new ways to communicate, search for truth, express healthy caring, finding new ways to see each other, hear each other, understand each other – these are what sets us free.

Then the heaviness of stress that leads to anxiety, depression, and physical illness can be alleviated. It’s costing us billions of dollars in absenteeism, lawsuits, ad lower productivity.

The companies that give more room for employee input and offer programs for better communication and conflict resolution will be the ones that lower the stress and have longer term, happier employees.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Patterns

Are you a maximizer or a satisfier…take this simple test

Sylvia Lafair
April 24, 2019

How do you decide what to decide? There is a great line in the play Into the Woods that we have used in our Total Leadership connections program that shows how so many of us wait to let others make decisions while we stand on the sidelines waiting for a signal for our next move.

Picture Cinderella all dressed attending the fashionable royal ball and having a wonderful time with the handsome and charming Prince.

She is not used to making decisions and so leaves the ball to catch her pumpkin home before the clock strikes midnight. Talking later she says she was not sure how to tell the Prince she wanted to see him again. Her comment was “I left him a clue, my shoe and now he has to decide what to do.” (Yup it rhymes.)

In any case, she is so proud of herself because her decision was not to decide.

Any out there relate to this?

How many time have you held back waiting for someone else to make a decision so you can’t either be blamed or regret?

Do you, like Cinderella bide for time or do you have a clear idea of what you want and need and simply state your preference?

There are two main ways to decide. You can either be a maximizer or a satisfier.

Here are some questions to answer to find out which style you prefer:

Answers are from 1 which is strongly agree to 5 which is strongly disagree. Please answer quickly since your first thought is usually coming from your subconscious and will tell you more about yourself than you realize.

Are you happy with your life right now? Remember 1 strongly agree, 2 is agree, 3 is neutral, 4 is disagree, and 5 strongly disagree.
I like to learn from my decisions rather than get angry if things don’t turn out well.
I always live up to the highest standards I set for myself.
I have trouble deciding what I want to eat at a restaurant, especially if I am with other people.
I pivot to blame others if my decision leads to a poor outcome.
I don’t like to expect a positive outcome; I just don’t want to be disappointed.
I love to look back and constantly revise my history with lots of ‘if only’ or ‘it was not the right time’.
I aim low so I won’t be disappointed.
I am more right than wrong when making important decisions.
I tend to delay (like Cinderella) and prefer others to make the choices.
I am proud of myself for being strong and standing for what I believe.
I do lots of research before making decisions.
I ask at least a dozen people their opinion to be sure of what I decide.
No one in my family ever taught me how to make effective decisions.
I was a rebel and would make snap decisions rather than listen to others.

Add up all the strongly agrees.

If you have at least 6 or more, good for you, you tend to be a maximizer and have a positive and healthy way to look at life decisions.

Add up the strongly disagrees and know that if you have more than 5 you need to practice making decisions on a daily basis.

Start with something small in the morning, like choosing what you really want to eat for breakfast and keep going through the day. Notice what happens to your breathing each time you make a decision. Those who are Minimizers often feel a tightness in your gut, almost as if you are waiting for something awful to happen or that you will be judged or get yelled at.

The rest of you can be considered Compromisers and pleasing others is a major priority for you. Yet, while you may take more time to make a decision, often it turns out well for all parties involved.

My theory is that each of the three ways to decide is right in different situations.

We are all complex human beings and deciding what and how to decide the next steps is both exciting and curious. The fun is to go where you have not gone before and keep learning and growing.

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Check these 3 habits that can keep you labeled as mega-stupid.

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