Summary: Here’s the uncomfortable truth—we’re biologically wired to seek change and biologically wired to resist it when it suddenly appears in front of us. It’s not personal. It’s human. That’s why a new idea can feel exciting at 9 a.m. and feel like an itchy rash by 4 p.m.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Our company is changing its reporting structure, meaning our teams are being reconfigured across multiple states. Some regions will now be grouped together with neighboring states.
For example, Northern California will partner with Oregon, while Southern California will remain independent. Most team members are unsure about the changes, with the exception of senior management, who are enthusiastic about the new structure.
As the Director of the newly emerging NorCal-Oregon team, I need some ideas on how to make everyone happy. If not happy, then at least curious and willing to give the new arrangement a chance.
Signed,
Need Help
Why New Ideas Feel Exciting at First
Dear Need Help,
I’m glad senior management is excited about the change. Hopefully, as directors, you can help the rest of the organization become more optimistic about what lies ahead.
The executive team understands something important about human nature. Our brains are wired to celebrate novelty. New experiences activate the reward circuitry and release dopamine, which explains why a fresh strategy, a rebrand, or even a different office layout can initially feel energizing.
Think back to your first day on the job or the excitement of finally meeting a blind date in person. Neuroscience shows that novelty and reward travel along the same pathways. The brain sees something new and says, “Ooh, shiny!” and off we go.
Why Change Suddenly Feels Uncomfortable
Unfortunately, the excitement phase doesn’t last forever.
The brain loves novelty, but it dislikes uncertainty. When we don’t know what to expect, anxiety increases and we instinctively seek predictability. That often means returning to old habits and familiar routines.
This isn’t weakness. It’s wiring.
A deeper process called allostasis, which means “stability through change,” constantly helps the body adapt to new conditions. However, those adjustments come at a cost. When change becomes relentless, people start conserving energy and avoiding unnecessary risks. They become tired, irritable, and surprisingly comfortable with postponing decisions. Suddenly, “Let’s circle back next quarter” sounds perfectly reasonable.
Why People Resist Change at Work
Even when the data clearly supports moving forward, our minds often whisper, “Not so fast.”
I worked with a team facing a similar transition. Half the group was enthusiastic, while the other half wanted nothing to do with the new arrangement. Curious about the differences, I asked who had spent their childhood in the same home and who had moved frequently.
Not surprisingly, the people who struggled most with change had lived in one place for seventeen years or more. Those who adapted most easily had often moved several times, usually because they grew up in military families.
Before we could move the team forward, we had to understand the roots beneath the resistance.
The Hidden Biases That Make Change Feel Dangerous
Human beings are influenced by several powerful biases. One of the strongest is loss aversion. Losses hurt more than gains feel good, which means even positive changes can feel threatening because people focus on what they might lose rather than what they could gain.
Status quo bias also comes into play. We naturally favor the current state simply because it is familiar. The old saying, “Better the devil you know,” reflects this tendency perfectly.
Then there is the mere exposure effect. Familiar things feel safe because we’ve experienced them repeatedly. New experiences require more mental energy, which causes hesitation.
People also tend to justify existing systems, even flawed ones, because belonging to something stable feels safer than disrupting it. That’s why organizations often spend more energy explaining why the old system worked than imagining how the new system could work better.
Add habit formation to the mix, and the brain repeatedly presses the “are you sure?” button whenever something unfamiliar appears.
How Family Patterns Shape Workplace Behavior
This is where my work really lands.
Our first organization is the family. Long before we learned about budgets, board meetings, or performance reviews, we learned about trust, power, conflict, and safety at home.
Those early lessons become invisible operating systems that influence how we lead and how we respond to change.
If speaking up brought criticism when you were young, you may hesitate to challenge authority at work. If conflict was avoided in your family, you may avoid difficult conversations with your team. These patterns don’t disappear just because you earn a title.
Bowen Family Systems Theory and Change
Bowen Family Systems Theory teaches that patterns are transmitted across generations. Families that managed anxiety through over-control often produce leaders who over-engineer change. Families that avoid tension often produce leaders who postpone difficult conversations.
As I often say, you either complete the pattern or repeat it.
Understanding these inherited responses helps leaders stop blaming personalities and start recognizing patterns.
Why Some Teams Thrive During Change
Some teams make change terrifying, while others make it manageable.
The difference often comes down to psychological safety. Teams that punish disagreement create fear and defensiveness. Teams that welcome questions and honest feedback create environments where learning and innovation can flourish.
Another challenge comes from what researchers call “immunity to change.” Leaders may sincerely desire innovation while simultaneously holding hidden commitments that pull them back toward the status quo. They want to innovate, but they also want to avoid looking incompetent.
Without addressing those competing commitments, organizations end up pressing the gas pedal and the brake at the same time.
How Leaders Can Help Teams Embrace Change
The best leaders focus on patterns rather than personalities. Instead of labeling someone as resistant, they recognize how the entire team responds under stress. Patterns are coachable. Personal attacks are not.
Successful leaders also understand that change feels safer when people experience certainty, autonomy, fairness, and connection. Small adjustments in those areas can dramatically reduce resistance without compromising the larger goal.
Rather than introducing massive transformations all at once, effective leaders create smaller experiments. Short-term wins provide evidence that the new approach works and help the brain associate change with reward instead of danger.
Leaders must also uncover hidden commitments. Sometimes what people say they want and what they unconsciously fear are completely different. One courageous conversation can dissolve months of resistance.
Most importantly, leaders intentionally create psychological safety. They encourage constructive disagreement, welcome alternative viewpoints, and treat mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than occasions for blame.
When leaders publicly discuss what worked, what didn’t, and what comes next, uncertainty becomes less frightening. Over time, change stops feeling like a threat and starts feeling like growth.
We Aren’t Fickle—We’re Human
Human beings are built to pursue rewards, avoid losses, conserve energy, and repeat whatever once helped us feel safe.
When leaders understand that biology and become aware of the family patterns influencing behavior, change stops feeling like a cliff and starts feeling like a climb with handholds.
Organizations become more resilient when teams recognize the old patterns that no longer serve their growth.
Let’s give change a chance.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Want a copy of my webinar, Give Change a Chance? Send an email to sylvia@ceoptions.com, and it’s yours.
