Today I’m discussing:
Gravity Statements (A New Way Of Thinking) Saves Leaders Aggravation.
Here is what you will learn when you listen in:
* How Gravity Impacts your conversations.
* The key to a great Gravity statement.
* Let Gravity help you get past overwhelm.
Are you ready to explore this powerful concept deeper? Sign up for a breakthrough session with me here: https://ceoptions.com/apply/
I’m sharing how YOUR self-doubt can and does destroy YOUR relationships.
In this video I share with you:
+ Self doubt is a learned behavior and where it often get started in your life.
+ What happens when your abilities clash with your beliefs.
+ How mirror neurons (huh, what are they?) help or hinder your relationships.
Let me help you learn to challenge your negative self-talk and move to next level success.
Are you ready to cast aside your self-doubt? Sign up for a strategy session and I’ll share the strategy and the steps you need to take in order to yourself move forward.
Click this link and add yourself to my calendar: https://ceoptions.com/apply/
I love this video I cover:
+ + Why modesty is an over-rated virtue.
How self-doubt sets up sabotage.
+
How to “toot your own horn” without being obnoxious.
The world has changed and women can no longer be shushed or denied their time to speak out.
Using the tips, I will give you for effective communication can boost your personal brand as you you self-promote.
Let me help you find the balance point between overwhelming others with your prowess and undervaluing your accomplishments.
It’s easier than you think and will help you get your next promotion or the plum assignment you’ve been yearning for.
It’s’ time to Go Bigger>>> Go Bolder>>> GO GUTSY
When I was researching my book “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” I came across some fascinating, frustrating, and vital information that made me want to stand up and yell “Hey everyone. It’s about time. Time to break away from past cultural fears that still create so much self-doubt and hold us back from playing full out.”
Let me explain.
Has anybody been to Salem Massachusetts? On Halloween? It’s a “madhouse” (pardon the pun) of psychics everywhere ready to do readings. It’s also a great place to explore some of those cultural fears that still have a hold on us.
Halloween is a special time in Salem. However, all year round great information is there for us to learn about the witch trials of 1692. Women, bona fide healers who worked with herbs and their own intuition, were considered well, witches. That was a time when any GUTSY woman knew to keep her intuitive abilities undercover or suffer an ugly death.
Interesting that modern brain research indicates that women have an advantage in the ability to sense when something is about to happen. And yet, most of us ignore this internal warning system probably because we just want to fit in and stay safe. Could it also be subtle memories about ancestors who did not shut up and were burned at the stake that makes us wary?
Who knows?
Let’s go back even further and check out Greek legends. Anybody reading this named Sandra or Cassandra, pay super strict attention. Here’s the love story: the god Apollo fell in love with the princess Cassandra. He gave her a gift; so far a typical story. The gift, however, was more than a gorgeous bracelet or trip to a lavish island; it was the gift of prophecy.
Now, this gift was non-refundable… Yet, when Cassandra did not get all mushy about Apollo, he became a scorned lover and wanted revenge. Yup, happens all the time. So, the only thing this mad man could do was put a curse on her; make it so no one would listen. Thus, when she warned that her beloved homeland, Troy would be destroyed no one would believe her.
Hummmm. Ancient Greece, witch trials, women getting brushed aside when they see where things are heading; told to mind their own business.
Look, we all know the speed of change is constantly escalating and yes, we do need to speak out. No more letting fear and self-doubt win.
Remember Sherron Watkins? She was a former Vice President of Corporate Development at Enron. She helped uncover that ugly scandal. As a whistleblower, she, to this day, discusses the isolation that comes from talking truth to power and how important it is to speak out. Ask yourself, are you Gutsy or Bold?
It is only through talking truth to power and being brave that we can continue to transform the patterns from the past. Karen Mangia is a great example of a Gutsy Woman and you can read all about her here.
That’s why I started my private Facebook Group “Women Leaders Inner Circle” to have a safe place to discuss how to erase self-doubt, stop listening to the inner critic that can paralyze even the most talented people, and find the confidence to go bigger, go bolder, go GUTSY.
Please join me and add your voice here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenleadersinnercircle/
It’s about you, it’s about me and it’s about time.
Use these 5 steps to get yourself out of overwhelm…
In this broadcast I cover:
What you, as a leader, can do to get more energy, confidence, focus, and ease by making some simple changes.
I share the specific, time tested tips on how to move past frustration and anger when demands on you seem impossible.
My work with individuals and groups over the years has helped me to uncover 3 key ways to win at work when you’re feeling frazzled and ready to throw in the towel.
Have you found that at one time or another you wanted to stuff a sock in someone’s mouth rather than listen to them wail or rail?
Think about the gal on your team that never stops complaining, or the big shot who is always bragging, or the bully who steamrolls over others with their point of view and never listens to others.
You go home exhausted from the tension and lack of cooperation.
“It’s just business,” you say to yourself with a shrug.
Hey there, pay attention. That’s just traditional wisdom playing with you.
And it’s simply NOT true.
There are businesses with great leaders who get along, have fun at work, enjoy solving challenges together, and make great profits.
You belong in that setting. Here’s what many leaders have done to create workplaces that work.
Let’s look at the three main ways of changing what’s not working, for you or those on your team (Hint for leaders: you need to start with yourself before you can be of help to others).
Here is the way OUT:
Observe your own behavior: If you have a problem and you solve it, that’s great. That’s what business is all about. However, if the same problem keeps showing up time after time, well then, you have a pattern to deal with.
Once you declare a problem to be repetitive, then you can make change happen.
Understand the root issues: Close the door or go sit in your car. No distractions. Write out what is keeping you stuck. Not a dissertation, just a short paragraph. Now, answer this question “When else did you have the same feelings of frustration and upset?”
Connect the dots from past upsets to the present problem. My bet is that you will see quickly how the past and present are related.
Transform by taking action: This is where you commit to change. Take an honest look at the part you play in the on-going situation (yes, you do play a role, so don’t try to wiggle out of this by pointing your finger at others). Changing behavior beyond a superficial way requires discipline, experimentation, and practice.
There are 13 major patterns that get in the way of positive relationships at work. You can find out which one/s have you name on them by taking the Leadership Quiz at www.ceoptions.com.
Take the quiz. It’s eye-opening.
Cause if you don’t, you’ll stay stuck in pattern repetition, like the guy in the movie Groundhog Day.
Once you learn to harness your own power by transforming the negative patterns into healthy ones you get amazing rewards. There is more honest communication, better relationships, optimized team collaboration, and greater financial success.
Become a pattern buster and watch your leadership abilities soar.
I want to share a story from one of my coaching clients that I’m sure will resonate with you if you’ve ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated…
One of my coaching clients sent the following, “I had a fender bender on the way to work. Then, because I was late and rushing, I tripped going on the up escalator. (Who the heck ever trips on a UP escalator?). Then, I spilled coffee on my new shirt.
They say bad things come in 3’s.
It’s not true. Bad things can be like an avalanche and keep happening. I will tell you what happened later after I ask for some HELP. Yes, I really need some help to quash the loud, unforgiving voice in my head saying, “You really are a total jerk.”
My self-doubt has me glued to my office chair. I’m afraid to get up for fear that I will start the next wave of 3 more terrible things happening to prove what a jerk I really am.
What I need is a way to turn off the noise in my head and get some work done. So, please give me something to smile about.
That said, back to my bad luck day.
My assistant stood at the doorway of my office with a look of “How can I tell him this?”
The “this” was that one of our best clients is taking business elsewhere. AND, informed us in a very sanitized email with little explanation.
At that point, I thought I should poke a pen in my eye.
That would be “bad thing 5” and then maybe be proactive and cancel my massage (where I figured I would get my back out of whack) to stave off “bad thing 6” when I got a message that my massage was canceled.
Now I must worry about what next awful thing will happen.
What do you suggest when a bad day is really, really, a bad day?
Here is my response.
When stress is high, and energy is low you need some of my Bumper Stickers For The Brain. You gotta remember the following:
Change is constant: Become like a flowing river by constantly adapting and improvising and keep moving.
Victims become victors: Find at least three options to each situation by asking yourself what else you can do to feel the fear and do it anyway.
Winners never whine: Winning is an attitude that includes grace under pressure to not judge, blame or attack yourself or anyone else.
Obstacles are opportunities: You’ve hit a bump, or several, that are merely detours to your final success; know that hope is not a plan, you need to act, not just react.
Stay the course: Keep your eyes on your goals and don’t let feat, self -doubt or imposter syndrome drag you down.
When was the last time you practiced gratitude? This post is all about the power of gratitude and my invitation to join me on a gratitude intervention challenge.
“Yesterday was a soggy day, with non- stop rain and draining humidity” began an email I received with the subject title of “What a happy day.”
It didn’t make sense…
It was a long, detailed email about work difficulties and disappointments. Until the end. And then I thought, “OKAY, I get it now.”
I’ll skip all the complaints and go right to the punch line.
“So, Sylvia, I was standing at the bottom of the Macy’s escalator waiting for my husband who was taking forever to get a new pair of jeans. I was frustrated and miserable. I hated work, I hated me. As I leaned on the jewelry counter thinking every negative thing I could about me, my life, the state of the world, the amount of time I was wasting waiting here, when a kid walked over, he must have been about eleven years old.
His smile was infectious.
He leaned toward me and said ‘You really look great today. I mean, you really look great!’ And with that he did a perfect pivot and before I could even say ‘huh?’ he was gone.
My husband descended the escalator and greeted me with ‘Well, you sure look happy now. Did you buy something special?”
I was still processing that moment of unexpected appreciation and all I could muster was ‘Didn’t buy anything special. I was given something special.”
Here is my response to my client:
“I’m glad you are working through all the messy issues at work. And hooray for that mysterious little boy. He gave you, now, all of us, a precious gift.
I call this a GRATITUDE INTERVENTION CHALLENGE and I suggest we all lift our gratitude quotient by doing what that little boy did. Reach out and touch someone.
Give gratitude, acknowledgment, appreciation, thanks to someone who doesn’t expect it.
What will that do for you? What will that do for the other person? What will that do for our very contentious world that needs more positive, creative energy?
It will make you feel better and hopefully the other person also.
Acknowledge someone who annoys you or you feel betrayed you at work. Maybe it’s someone who is the office gossip, or the bully who made you look stupid on purpose or, the over the top pleaser who stepped in with a smile to get the plum assignment meant for you.
Think about that person for a moment…They may:
Now, find something you can acknowledge them for.
Come one, you can find at least one thing. Then ask if they can meet for a few minutes and ask them where they would like to meet. Ask them, don’t tell them. Giving gratitude and learning to understand each other is at the core of great leadership.
I’d love to hear the results. Do what scares the crap out of you and strengthen your gratitude muscle.
Remember, the tiniest effort can have a huge impact.
Giving thanks can transform your life, so let me start by expressing some gratitude and share some bits of wisdom that can help you feel more gratitude and appreciation for all that you have in this post.
First, let me say “Thank You” to all of you who are part of my newsletter network.
Secondly, let me invite all the women here to join my Women Leaders Inner Circle Group on Facebook. It would mean a lot to me to have you as part of the membership there. (Sorry men, I will have more for you when the Total Leadership Connections Program goes on-line in the fall).
Thirdly, I would like to say how much I appreciate my Pattern Breakthrough Coaches who make a difference for so many. You can see who they are here.
Fourthly, I’d like to talk about the role of gratitude in our world of “stuff and nonsense.”
I recently did a Facebook Live where I talked about 3 mental/emotional strength training exercises to help you go from overwhelmed to energized.
Several people messaged me to say that they had forgotten how important it is to appreciate even the smallest things in life that seem so insignificant until that is, you really look at what matters.
That led me to remember what renowned Vietnamese Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said many years ago at a meditation retreat I attended at the Plum Village Monastery in France. It is a big/small story about gratitude and the small/big stuff of life.
During the dark days of the Viet Nam War, there was little to appreciate.
Life was about just getting through, moment by moment.
Chang Kung, one of the Buddhist nuns came to Thay (which means teacher) and
expressed her weariness and despair at the pain and suffering she saw around her.
Thay suggested she give gratitude. Chan Khong was so overwhelmed and exhausted
she could not think of even one thing for which to be grateful.
Thay said to pay attention and something would reveal itself.
Later that day she was walking near a river wondering how much more she could do to
help the hurting and frightened people in the midst of war.
She looked down at the mud under her feet, wanting to be careful not to slip.
And then it happened.
Let me stop for just a moment to underline the power of living in the moment. It’s not easy since our minds will make up so many stories based on fear, revenge, guilt, anger, and righteousness. However, the more we practice living in the moment, the more that can be revealed to us. Here’s what happened for Chan Khong.
In the midst of the muddy mess, she looked over and saw a tiny red flower growing from
the side of a small rock.
That’s it!
No big deal, just a tiny red flower growing from the side of a small rock. Yet, What Chan Khong said to Thay about this moment is so special, it’s about the power of gratitude that we can all learn from.
She said that at that moment, hope returned inside her, thinking that if a tiny flower
can bloom so beautifully in the muck of war, so too could she continue to bloom
and help those around her.
She was able to look at the tiny red flower and show gratitude for its courage to
live and bloom.
She knew, in that moment, she too could live and bloom.
Gratitude can be exchanged for self-pity. It can make you feel better physically, emotionally and mentally. I suggest you spend the first 5 minutes, before you get out of bed in the morning, and give gratitude each day to three people or situations that make a difference for you.
Giving thanks can transform your life.
What happens when you put yourself first?
Are you seen as selfish, or even worse, as a narcissist?
And if you constantly put yourself at the end of the line, does that make you a good, caring person or a
whining martyr?
In times past…it was the protocol to be humble, smile, and not take much credit. That was polite and proper.
And in those olden days, if a child proudly said they did a great job of painting a picture, skating down
the street without falling, or baking chocolate chip cookies to die for, they were told to stop patting
themselves on the back and being self-serving.
Now, in this present era, there is a contest in all areas of life for people to puff up their achievements
and there is constant competition to be THE BEST.
How healthy are lots of bragging and the need to be better than everyone else? Even more to the point,
how possible is it to really become and stay in THE BEST spot?
One of my clients emailed me recently:
Dear Sylvia,
I took a nosedive for a few weeks feeling frustrated and depressed. I’m just about over that
ugly time and thought you would appreciate where I am now. As you know, I have always been the top
salesperson in my company and lately, there are a few young titans who are working 24-7 to take the
title away from me.
I learned from the coaching I’ve had with you to look at life in a more balanced way.
I really got that work-life balance is a big myth. You can’t cut your daily life into perfect pieces, like an apple pie.
Here is where I am now, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. I finally decided I will let these younger
people become the top sales gurus. I must admit, it took me a bit of time to look at my own ego needs
before I could let go of the B.S. of having to be THE BEST.
I know, I know, you kept hammering home that striving to be THE BEST and striving to stay there is just
plain stupid and can lead to exhaustion and overwhelm.
And thank you for constantly focusing on well- being as a top priority.
So now, I can put myself first by making sure I have all the physical, mental, and emotional nourishment I
need to support myself and also have the delight in knowing I am really good at my job and I can now be
of help to the younger ones and still, have a great career and good financial returns.
So many who have been THE BEST have to make way for others and how they do that shows how strong
they are internally.
I just read that tennis champion, Serena Williams had back spasms and had to leave the Rogers Cup Final
in Toronto. She is a great player and a positive person and rather than make excuses she handled herself
with elegance. No bragging, no defending, no explaining or justifying herself.
And just like me with my young titan sales folks who make me feel like an elder, the gal Serena played
against, Bianca Andreescu is only 19 years old.
Being THE BEST has taken on a whole new meaning that I want to share here. It means not competing
with others the way I used to, it means keeping myself strong enough to handle life’s challenges with dignity.
Like Serena, I want to continue to handle life’s challenges without needing to brag that I am THE BEST.
And I’m glad you have the tools to help people get out of the trap of our cultural obsession with needing
to be THE BEST.
