Vengeance Is Not a Strategy; Here’s What Makes a Difference

Summary: In the annals of history, countless tales of vengeance and retribution have captured our imagination. From ancient feuds to epic battles and cinematic showdowns, the desire for payback has always been a compelling human narrative. Here is what makes the real difference.

Dear Dr. Sylvia,

I was thinking about you today.

I was thinking about what I learned regarding generational family disputes and how they keep coming back into play.

When my company offered the option to participate in the Total Leadership Connections (TLC) Program, I was curious. Then, we were all asked to do our Sankofa Map about our family history.

Initially, I thought it was a waste of time.

That is until I uncovered so much about my famous relatives. I was amazed to learn how their feud from long ago still impacted me—my ability to handle conflict.

Do you remember when I handed you a book about The Hatfields and the McCoys?

You were also curious to find the link between my relatives and their impact on me.

I look at the horrors in the Middle East and wish that all of us could do our Sankofa Maps. We need to learn with and from each other.

Sankofa means “Heal the past to free the present.” It is such a powerful concept, and doing the generational map is informative and healing.

Here is my question. How do we go past “an eye for an eye” and stop playing “genocidal whack-a-mole.”

I wonder what we can do to move beyond the either/or win/lose world we live in. How can we see, hear, and reach out to touch each other more productively?


Born a Hatfield

Moving beyond either/or thinking is vital in our polarized world.

Dear Born a Hatfield,

I remember how fascinated I was when you presented your family chart. Many generations later, I wondered how the old feud would appear in your life.

You didn’t disappoint.

We were all fascinated when you had a “light bulb moment.”

That was when you learned you are a conflict denier. It is better to be passive than be like your ancestors, who were happier fighting always to win.

We had some excellent discussions about the price of winning at all costs.

I want to use an even older story than the Hatfields and McCoys. This famous story looks at how family feuds can hang around for generations unless the patterns of power are changed.

Vengeance cannot heal; it creates a deeper systemic toxic situation.

What if I told you vengeance is not a strategy, but forgiveness and redemption can transform lives?

Let’s explore this profound theme in a story that intertwines history, personal growth, and the universal truth that forgiveness can heal even the deepest wounds.

Ancient Feuds can destroy modern lives.

We begin in a small village nestled in the hills. Two families, the Montagues, and the Capulets, were embroiled in a bitter feud.

The reasons behind this hatred had long been forgotten, yet the anger and hostility remained.

The village had seen generations of grudges, conflicts, and vendettas with no end. It was a never-ending cycle of pain and suffering.

One fateful day, a young Montague named Romeo met a Capulet named Juliet at a masquerade ball. Against all odds, they fell deeply in love. Despite their families’ vehement opposition, Romeo and Juliet chose love over vengeance.

Their story became an enduring symbol of the power of love, forgiveness, and redemption.

The Modern Parable is as old as time.

Our story doesn’t end in a quaint village; it’s relevant even in the fast-paced, interconnected world we live in today.

Consider the tale of Sarah and David, two coworkers who started their careers at the same company. Initially, they were close friends, but competition and envy drove a wedge between them over time. What began as a friendly rivalry soon escalated into a heated conflict. Both were determined to outdo the other at any cost.

Their colleagues witnessed the emotional toll this rivalry took on Sarah and David and the impact on their work.

They unknowingly sabotaged their careers in their pursuit of vengeance against each other.

It wasn’t until a wise mentor intervened. The “warring” business associates participated in a program called “New Perspectives.” Here, they learned more about each other. Soon, they began to let go of their grudges. Eventually, they could focus on collaboration, and they realized the power of forgiveness.

Here’s what forgiveness looks like, sounds like, and feels like.

The concept of forgiveness and redemption is not limited to personal relationships.

In international diplomacy, a powerful story of transformation unfolded between Nelson Mandela and F.W. de Klerk. Mandela was a former political prisoner, and de Klerk was a former apartheid leader. They united to dismantle apartheid and build a new, inclusive South Africa.

They were willing to forgive and reconcile with their enemies for the greater good of their nation. This showed that vengeance was not their strategy. Instead, they chose to build a better future for their people.

In a world often driven by anger, revenge, and conflict, the stories of Romeo and Juliet, Sarah and David, and Mandela and de Klerk remind us of the profound truth that “vengeance is not a strategy.”

In conclusion, true power lies in the ability to forgive, to let go of grudges, and to seek redemption. These stories serve as timeless lessons that we can apply in our lives. This is true whether in personal relationships or on a global scale.

So, let us all take a moment to reflect on our conflicts and ask ourselves, “Is vengeance truly the path to resolution?”

In most cases, the answer will be a resounding no. Instead, let us choose the path of forgiveness and redemption, for it is this path that has the power to heal, unite, and transform our lives and our world for the better.

To a more joyful world,

Sylvia Lafair

Creative Energy Options

Sylvia Lafair

Creative Energy Options