Summary: Effective leadership development requires us to read the signs of the times and lead people to a better, more positive place. How do we move from pistols to peace-tools? Key questions are below.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
We are living in a world of extremes. That shows up at my organization all the time.
Those who are “woke” look at those who are “asleep” to what is happening in the world as “idiots.”
The other way round, the more conservative look at others as “radical” individuals who want to change what has been, till now, a very peaceful world.
Both sides are finger pointing and causing tension at work.
To your point, how to we turn pistols into peace-tools?
Signed,
In Between
Understanding is NOT Excusing
Dear In Between,
When some choose to “Not See” any point of view but their own, condemning and disparaging others, the natural tendency is to go to the other extreme. The desire is to prove how wrong they are, trapping us in the realm of right and wrong, good and bad, yes and no.
Before you get upset and stop reading, please hear me: understanding is NOT excusing.
In the age of social media, where information leaps around the world in minutes, we need a better way to communicate with each other.
This quote from Russian author Dostoevsky gives us pause:
“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing more difficult than understanding him.”
Isn’t it easier to put someone in jail, or fire them at work, and simply move on?
The Challenge: Paradigm Shift
What other ways can we look at difficult situations and develop methods of discussion that include those we see as “the enemy” at work, in our communities, on our planet? What’s in the way of retooling our thinking to go upstream for more effective answers?
It’s called a paradigm shift.
Another way to look at today’s issues is through the lens of systems thinking. Considering how situations and people connect takes more effort. In the long run, it is worth the time.
For example, when we consider looking from the balcony rather than ground floor, we see more and have a better perspective.
Sadly, the temptation is to attack the symptoms rather than create change at a more fundamental level.
A Story: Saving Drowning Kids
At the river’s edge, fishermen heard a little boy calling for help in the rushing water. Someone jumped in to save him. A few minutes later, there were two more children calling for help. And soon, there were more youngsters. One man left the group and was taunted for leaving when they could save the children.
An hour later, he returned and, when the anger finally abated, he said, “Someone had to find out why the children were in the river in the first place. Yes, we saved a dozen, but who knows if this would have continued day after day?”
“So, I went upstream and found the kids crossing an old rickety bridge with rotting planks that were falling out. I stopped the children and had someone from town come to replace the planks.”
Going upriver means looking at pre-existing conditions and leading in a way that inspires rather than inflames.
A Story: The Starfish Thrower
A young girl was walking along a beach where thousands of starfish had been washed up by the tide. As she walked, she would pick up one starfish at a time and throw it back into the ocean. An older man approached her and asked, “Why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “I made a difference to that one.”
This story teaches us that even small acts of leadership and kindness can have a significant impact. It’s about focusing on what you can change and making a difference where you can.
Historical Context
There has been extensive research on the rise of the Nazi movement in Germany, involving many factors.
One that has always haunted me is that many of the thugs who brutalized others came from families where they were either physically or verbally abused as children, or there was a trauma such as a suicide or other type of abandonment by parents.
What would make someone hate others “just because?”
The Boy In The Woods
THE BOY IN THE WOODS (2023) follows the true story of Maxwell Smart, a Jewish boy escaping Nazi persecution in Eastern Europe. After he is separated from his family, Max finds refuge with a Christian peasant Jasko, who hides him in plain site until a tense stand – off with Nazi police. Afraid for his own family’s life, Jasko sends Max to live in the woods where he learns to survive alone.
Here you experience the haters, Nazis who killed Jews for sport, and those, like Jasko, who know there is a better way and do what they can to help.
Note your emotional barometer as you watch the story of lives intertwined.
Going Upriver
Research what you can about the naysayers in your midst. Learn about their lives, their stories, and then begin to help find better ways of resolving tough issues.
Key Questions for Effective Leadership
As you take the reins of leadership to help solve difficult work and community problems, consider these important questions:
- Who said it? Is it someone you know, a person in authority, or some amorphous “he said, they said”?
- What did they say? What are the facts, or is it just a string of slogans and empty rhetoric?
- Where did they say it? Was this a public or private meeting? Who else was in the room?
- When did they say it? Was the discussion with you before, during, or after a difficult meeting?
- Why did they say it? Was this said to provoke you, make them look good, or become your ally?
- How did they say it? What was the tonality? Was it friendly, argumentative, secretive? Loud or quiet?
In my experience and in my book “UNIQUE: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion, and Engagement”, I give examples of what can happen to teams and individuals when they take the time to ask these questions and learn about each other.
Effective leadership development requires all of us to reframe the way we think and take that trip upriver.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. How have you changed your perspective and released ingrained, outdated behavior patterns to have a larger view from the balcony?
