Leadership Archives

Conflict Resolutions, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Success

Is being a leader a good idea?

Sylvia Lafair
June 12, 2019

Have you ever wondered if being a leader is such a good idea? Or, if you are in a strong leadership position, have you ever wondered if you made the right choice.

Leadership sounds so great. However, it’s not the ‘piece of cake’ so many people think it is.

Recently I got an email from one of the graduates from our Total Leadership Connections Program who had a seemingly perfect promotion as the COO of a major company. All was good during the honeymoon phase and recently all hell has broken out.

“Sylvia, I made a dreadful mistake…

This job is high profile and pays well. However, I am now learning it’s like living in a hornet’s nest. There is more in-fighting going on and office politics than I ever expected.

Damn!

Instead of being able to step into the role of a leader, my life has morphed into simply being both the fire marshal and the fireman.

Every day there is scorched earth because of the backstabbing and nastiness. I didn’t know the person I replaced had left so much negativity and nastiness behind for me to clean up.

I don’t know if I can handle this crap.

My wife said I am sullen and introspective all the time and even the kids are asking why daddy is always in a bad mood.

I know we learned a ton about how teams operate when I was in TLC and that has helped. However, it’s the day in and day out fires that have me annoyed and frustrated. Question: How long will it take till I have a team of people who can collaborate and create together without the turmoil.

HELP!!!.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Dan

Here was my reply to this very capable and competent leader:

Dear Dan,

You are expressing the thoughts of so many leaders who must use the ‘ROTO-ROOTER’ method to clean out the ‘stuck plumbing.’

We can go into the details of office politics later.

For now, I really want you to take a really deep breath and think about the core of what it means to be a leader. You can’t address the specifics until you rethink your personal mission statement and why you were so excited about taking this job in the first place, money, and prestige aside.

I hope you find this helpful.

Leading is not for the faint of heart. Leaders live dangerously, all the time. Frankly, it’s something you just need to get used to. Yes, it’s romantic and dramatic and exciting to be a leader. You are looked up to at work, in the community and hopefully at home also.

Leading can be inspirational and you can have a major impact on the lives of those who work with and for you. You can help to build fortunes and increase the bottom line.

Now, onto risk assessment.

You can and will take risks that may even jeopardize your career and impact your personal life. This is a tough place to be when most of us have been taught not to rock the boat.

Leaders need to learn how to meet resistance while disrupting the status quo. For, I promise you, there will be resistance to change. And when the resistance comes most leaders will revert to playing it safe and the old way.

I can tell you that as you sort through the office politics mess and decide you are ready to take the risk to plunge in and make the changes, you may get burned while attempting to put out the fires.

I want to suggest that there are ways to make a difference, strategies that can help with the turnaround.

You learned many of them when we talked about the 13 behavior patterns that come with us from our first organization, the family and into our present organization at work.

Now, you are ready for the advanced session of how to get your team to be more accountable, more productive and well….. just plain nicer with each other.

Please review Chapter 7 in Don’t Bring It To Work.

The title of the chapter is Talking Together. After reading we can reconnect. You just need a bit of a refresher on how to help your team surface the hidden conflict that has them so riled up.

Leadership is complex, challenging and creative. I know you have the core strength to make your job and your team spectacular.

Keep going and keep growing,

Sylvia.

Communication, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

Be a positive force in the workplace

Sylvia Lafair
May 29, 2019

What does it take to be a positive force in the workplace? I’ve been getting so many calls about conflict at work and even in communities that got me wondering.

Are we becoming a more argumentative society or are we simply bringing to the surface what has been hidden way deep down and now is the time for more truth?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this.

Did you ever wonder why some people are extremely emotionally accident prone? They come to work with a dark cloud over their head dripping rain and constantly frowning while others are standing in the sunshine right next to them.

In my research about what makes some individuals so happy and positive and others so sullen and nasty I found that repetition of the positive has tons of merit. And yes, practice makes perfect.

I’ve made a checklist of 7 ways to make sure at least you can be a positive force in the workplace and not succumb to the negativity that is another pollutant in the world.

- Use positive language: Words have energy. Use those that inspire rather than ones that can cause unnecessary fireworks. Words like hope, appreciate and care get situations moving past the log jam of words like impossible, alone and pessimistic.
- Expect respect: Give what you want to get. The simple rule is to always say please, thank you and call people by their given names. These basic rules make a world of difference in talking with each other.
- Don’t take the bait: Stay with facts, not personalities. If someone wants to derail a conversation and starts to gossip ask them “ What do you want me to do with this information” rather than adding to the mix.
- Fly above the clouds: Hold yourself accountable and make sure you say what you mean and do what you say. Be clear and clean in your communication and use a sentence like “Here I what I commit to do.” And then DO IT.
- Be authentic: Admit your vulnerability if you are not sure about a situation or what is being discussed. One moment of “Help me understand” will trump hours of clean up work.
- Check your assumptions: Always ask questions to make sure you and others are on the same page. Simply say, “I would rather not assume, is this what you meant” and then ask for clarity. It will save a lot of grief.
- Create change: You know you can’t change another person. However, you can change the direction of a conversation or change your perspective. You know its working if you or someone else says “Wow, I never thought of it that way before.”

Have a morning ritual of appreciation.

Think of it this way…

Life is too short to spend your time in negative, destructive or wasteful ways of reacting. It is far better to be a positive force in the workplace instead of being a destructive force.

Even if things start out badly you can turn your behavior to the positive by remembering the guidelines above to shape your responses.

Growth, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

I’m back from my radical sabbatical

Sylvia Lafair
April 3, 2019

I’m back. Yup, back from my radical sabbatical and raring to go.

Now, I know that most of us can’t just say “Gone fishing” or “Gone camping” or “Gone shopping” for a month. That is unless some difficult illness or family issue rears its ugly head. And that is certainly not a fun way to take a break.

I took the month off because I was starting to go in circles, and I was losing my mojo. Yup, it happens.

While I have always been known as the energizer bunny, what I used to do to keep on keeping on was no longer working. So, I took a deep breath to recalibrate.

Here is what I learned.

What worked in the past may no longer work in the present. Times change, priorities change, energies change, and those of us who have been successful using a certain formula may become oblivious to the need to find a different path. That is called “stuck.”
Patterns are meant to be transformed: You know the saying “If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.” The fun in life is finding new and unique ways to keep your mind sharp and your body healthy. Transforming patterns is fun and fulfilling.
Ask and you shall receive: That’s right. Once you ask for new and creative solutions and you stand still long enough for the new to show up, magic can happen. That’s when the synchronicities come into life and every day becomes like a happy holiday.
You are worth it: Often we stay stuck because so many people depend on us. We wear the same type of clothes, we eat the same type of food, we watch the same series on television, we call the same friends and colleagues. We often saying the same things over and over without realizing we are in the rinse and repeat model of life. Taking even a short time to re-evaluate says you care about yourself.
Having an “aha” moment builds new excitement: Taking a different path to work, talking to people you might ordinarily ignore, reading a book that has been gathering dust on the shelf, these may all lead to opening the door to the next level of the new you that you have been yearning for.
You can be in charge of change: If you stay stuck too long something usually forces you out of the rut. It often comes in the form of disappointment at work, dissolving of relationships, or even having to deal with the challenge of floods or fires. If you have no real understanding of how to manage change you are at the mercy of others and often that is when fear runs rampant. When you learn to handle change, even what is difficult can be mastered more effectively.
Creative options can become the new norm: Once you clear your mind and have the luxury of looking at what is working and what is not working you can find the best path that has heart and meaning. Then joy shows up and its time for you to make your next best contributions.

In the past month, I have met some amazing people, often by accident that have helped me clarify what I want to be doing for the next period in my life.

I have hired some top-notch people to help with the webinars and e-learning programs that I want to replace most of the retreats I have done for so many years. I needed fresh ideas and they are arriving like beautiful spring flowers.

Once the programs are finished my focus will be on writing another book.

This one about some of the fascinating adventures that my husband Herb and I have had around the world. I want to write about what it was like to hike the Inca Trail into Machu Picchu in Peru, spend time in the Amazon rain forest in Brazil, Trek the Milford Track in New Zealand, walk the labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral in France, and meditate with the venerable Buddhist monk Thick Nhat Hanh in China.

This will not be a travel story, it will be about how each radical sabbatical changed me from the inside out. It is about the power of experiences over material goods. It is about moving from fear to you may have guessed it, from fear to love.

My recent radical sabbatical made me even more sure that this type of break from work is a great idea for all of us and should be part of a wellness program in all companies. It can be for a day, a week or longer. The number of days is less important than the intention. Like, taking a break and being adamant about no work during that time.

I hope all of you reading this will look at the opportunity to take some time to reinvent yourself. If you want some ideas on how to do this to find what you are looking for, give me a call.

I’m back in business.

Best,

Sylvia

TOTAL LEADERSHIP CONNECTIONS™ LEVEL 1 People in office sitting working in group

Coaching, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

In the leadership business, what are we really selling?

Sylvia Lafair
February 13, 2019

What do you think you are buying when you buy perfume, or a car, or a vacation package to Hawaii?

I asked the question: In the leadership business, what are we really selling?

Recent discussions with our CEO coaches, led to some fascinating ideas. The conversations were about what different types of brands really sell besides the products they are advertising. Ultimately, we were exploring what our Total Leadership Connections program is selling beside executive leadership development

We started with easy ones like perfume. Besides the good smell of roses, vanilla, or sandalwood, what are you buying when you put a touch of perfume behind your ears?

The fragrance house is selling emotions and memories. Research shows that there is a real physical connection between scent and memory. Smells are biological linked to our emotions. In our brains, the limbic system is where our emotional life plays out and is crucial for long term memories.

With perfume, clothing, cars, cosmetics, all the stuff to make us look and feel good what is being sold is an emotional connection to a dream. The possibility of romance, love, and conquest.

In the leadership business what are we really selling?

Frank Walsh, a CEO leadership coach and consultant talked about those who join our Total Leadership Connections Program from various parts of an organization. He came up with the idea that those in marketing are really selling empathy. Makes sense.

Then Jodi Klugman-Robb added that those who are strategists may say they sell tactics, yet they are really selling the ability to deal with constant conflict when change is in the air.

Herb Kaufman, the CEO of CEO added that for team leaders, we are really selling the ability to question effectively, listen intently, and learn about personal power and how it differs from positional power.

After a week of looking at what is underneath the specifics of selling our TLC program there was a consensus, that what we are really selling is freedom.

FREEDOM.

The freedom to breakthrough the patterns from the past that can trigger you and your team (and yes, even your family) to stay stuck in outdated ways of responding.

Remember what I said earlier about perfume and the limbic system. That’s what I’m talking about. Our TLC Program helps you find the ‘nots’ that become ‘knots’ and release them. We call it the Pattern Breakthrough Process.

We are hardwired to remember, and we must work hard to transform what no longer is healthy and helpful. And then, freedom is around the corner.

Remember, in the leadership business, what are we really selling…is FREEDOM.

Here’s to a fun and free life,

Sylvia

gutsy or bold are you ready to take action

Business and Life Patterns, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Styles

Gutsy or Bold, Are You Ready to Take a Step Forward?

Sylvia Lafair
January 23, 2019

What does it take to make the leap? Whether you’re gutsy or bold, are you ready to take a step forward?

I was reflecting on the physical or emotional cost when you take a GUTSY or BOLD step out of the old ‘this is the way it is meant to be’ mentality.

I was thinking about Karen who called off her wedding the day before. I was thinking about Stan who quit his very lucrative position rather than stay with a company that promised and rarely delivered.

And then I was thinking about my personal moment of being GUTSY or BOLD. I was a young employee, back in the day. The popular wisdom was to look the other way, keep your head down, do your job and stay silent. I didn’t.

When did you take a stand? Make a dramatic change? Follow your dream even if a crazy one?

AND then what happened?

Karen found her voice (and a great boyfriend), Stan started his own company (and sold it for big bucks.) And I wrote my book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change (that won some awards.)

Now, between Karen and her voice, Stan and his company, me and my book, there was lots of territory to traverse. Lots of stories of highs and lows, glee and tears, fear and courage.

If, as you read this, you can feel yourself revisiting your moment of GUTSY or BOLD, I have a proposition for you.

I have been asked to add a sequel to GUTSY. Men as well as women are looking for stories of inspiration and they want it from us. That means you and you and you and me. You know, ordinary people who have had an extraordinary experience.

The stories will be gathered in a book about what happens when you take a stand and then, what happens afterward.

In my research over the years I constantly found that making the right move in any situation is 20% strategy and 80% psychology. Thus, we can learn from each other and what better way than through hearing each other’s stories. We can give each other courage to leap rather than tip-toe, tell the truth rather than smooth it over, stand steady rather than walk away.

If you would like to be featured in the new book, GUTSY and BOLD: Stories from Women and Men that Make a Difference please fill out the form below and let’s get going.

Helping each other grow and become the best we can be is nourishing. Tell your story. I know you will be a great guide for so many whose names you may never know, yet, they will know yours and will thank you for helping them take the next GUTSY and BOLD step.

Business and Life Patterns, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Gutsy Woman Profile: Karen Mangia

Sylvia Lafair
January 16, 2019

I want to share the story of Karen Mangina who I recently met and to me is the epitome of a GUTSY woman.

What would you do if you were in a situation you knew, yes knew, deep inside would be a vast mistake to follow through? Would you take a deep breath and say, “I’m outa here” or “I changed my mind” or “This doesn’t work for me?”

I’ve asked this question to tons of people, male and female and the answers sort into only two real options.

Suck it up and remember that you made the bed, now you will have to sleep in it.
Get out and don’t look back.

Can you guess which answer was voted on more by the men and which by the women. Or, in your mind, were the answers just about 50-50?

From my study the women were more prone to suck it up and the men were more willing to get the heck out and not look back.

Thus, the pleaser personality stood out for the gals and the avoider personality was more prevalent for the guys.

Obviously, neither way is the best. Best would be to buy some ‘wiggle room’ and find possibilities to either make the difficult situation more appealing or, at least, if you need to leave, to make sure you do so without leaving disaster behind.

Okay, so much for being philosophical.

I’d like to introduce you to Karen. She is the epitome of a GUTSY woman. And, in a minute I will tell you her YIKES story and what she is here to tell others who get stuck between that rock and a hard place where it seems there is no winning.

I was lucky enough to have Karen introduce me at The Indiana Women’s Conference.

She did her homework and rather than just talk about my credentials, she told a story about what I learned watching my mother navigate the months after my father’s untimely death in his early 50’s when I was only 14 years old. That introduction was so much more powerful than just listing degrees or awards. It made me real to everyone in the room.

I was intrigued with her insightfulness.

Yet, it wasn’t till we had coffee after the presentation that I realized I was with a real powerhouse, a woman who could stand tall and not be tossed to the side of a road when a situation becomes sticky or impossible.

Karen Mangia is VP of Customer and Market Insights at Salesforce. She is a bright light, with a smile that says “Let’s connect. Let’s communicate. Let’s learn.” She is also an author, and I want to recommend her book to all of you, Success with Less: Releasing Obligations and Discovering Joy.

Here is where I put my latte down and just listened with my mouth half opened in awe. She was telling me about the time that she had to use all the GUTSY chips she had gathered to get through the next few days of her life.

In her own words from her book, “My mom parked the car and started to pop the trunk so we could carry the gifts inside. As we walked around to the back of the car, I started to cry. I couldn’t stop the sentence that was going to change my life. “Mom, I can’t go through with the wedding.” Followed by “Don’t unload the gifts.” (I was upset, but I was also practical.)”

It’s now many moons later and Karen talked about how she had been running on empty until that crisis rocked her world.

She talked about how she began a search for wholeness. The non-wedding was the starter, plus some very difficult health issues, led Karen to search for meaning in her life.

In her book she has tips and tools for understanding the deeper meaning of ‘less.’ It’s about overcoming obstacles and taking steps to evaluate what is true and right for you. Let me say it another way, choose what really matters and let the rest go. It’s an internal decision, and no one, let me say that another way, no relative, friend, or colleague can choose for you.

If you, like Karen, are ready to change from a pleaser to a truth teller take her advice and sit quietly till you become clear about what really matters. Then read her book to help you take the next steps. It made a difference for me.

Being GUTSY is a practice, not just a wish. And the more that GUTSY Women and BOLD Men stay the course and tell the truth the better our world will be.

Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Gutsy & Bold: The New Paradigm of Relationships

Sylvia Lafair
January 9, 2019

Are we on the cusp of new ways of relating to each other? If so, it’s going to take all of us, GUTSY women and BOLD men to continue to clear the path. The old way is about power, prestige and prominence. The new way? It’s still being designed.

The new and better way certainly includes cooperation, caring, and compassion.

My question is, “What else needs to be in the mix?”

Here are a few thoughts of mine. I’d love to hear what all of you, men and women, think the new paradigm of relationships should include.

For me, observing and understanding the invisible links from the long ago past to the present make the best starting point.

Why? So that we can learn which patterns of behavior were meant for survival and may have outlived their usefulness. First, we need to know, before we can make appropriate changes.

Let me explain: Has anybody been to Salem Massachusetts on Halloween? It’s a “madhouse” (pardon the pun) of psychics on every corner ready to do a reading. In fact, all year round in Salem there is great information to learn about the witch trials of 1692.

Women, bona fide healers, who worked with herbs and their own intuition, were considered, you guessed it, witches. Thus, women learned to “shut up,” to keep their knowledge undercover or suffer an ugly death.

No tiny baby girl was ever born who woke from a nap and said, “I can’t wait to grow up and be a pleaser and only say ‘yes’ to everyone.” This knack of being a pleaser, or a rescuer, or a victim came from some basic desire to survive.

Question: Could the subtle memories about ancestors who did not shut up and were burned at the stake make present day women wary? Hummmm, interesting thought.

Let’s take a moment and go back even further. A visit to Greek legends. If your name is Sandra or Cassandra, or even Sandy you may want to pay strict attention. And if your name is Apollo, you too should pay strict attention. Here’s a typical love story: The god Apollo fell in love with the princess Cassandra. He gave her a great gift, more than a gorgeous bracelet or trip to The Four Seasons; it was the gift of prophecy. So far, so good.

The story continues. Now, the good news is this gift was non-refundable. Yet, when Cassandra did not get all mushy about Apollo, he was a scorned lover and wanted revenge. Yup, happens all the time.

So, the only thing that mad as hell Apollo could do, what any self-respecting Greek god would do, was to put a curse on Cassandra; make it so no one would listen. Thus, when she warned that her beloved homeland, Troy would be destroyed, no one would believe her.

Ancient Greece, witch trials, women so often getting brushed aside when they see where things are heading. Maybe no more. Thank you #metoo.

Each of us has a story about a time we were told to ‘shut up’ and be a pleaser. Each of us also has a story about a time where it was important to take a risk and ‘speak up.’ And now is the time for stories about how each of us can ‘own up’ to our personal part in resisting necessary positive change.

Stay tuned. Next week I have a super good story about a woman executive at a great company who learned to move from pleaser to truth teller and what that as done to up her happiness quotient.

And, anyone who wants a beginning of year strategy session with one of our breakthrough coaches please let me know.

Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

The core issues gutsy girls face

Sylvia Lafair
December 5, 2018

I want to address a topic that I feel is very important. Specifically, what issues do gutsy girls (and women) face in today’s world plus the 3 major mistakes females make and how to make changes that are both healthy and positive.

Let me start by sharing a story…

Yesterday my 13-year-old granddaughter asked me if I thought she was too outspoken in her opinions. She was sharing an ‘incident’ that occurred in school when one of her friends was being ‘bullied’ by some of the boys.

The girl had been teased about her long very curly hair and told how ugly she was.

Arielle stepped in and told the boys to stop. She then spoke up, simply asking them how they would feel if someone said they were gruesome looking. She was told to “mind her own business” and with that, she was on a roll.

“How we treat each other affects everyone around, not just the person being attacked. And I am not willing to stand here and pretend what you did was fine and just for fun. You hurt my friend’s feelings and it makes me mad.”

Arielle was strong when telling me about the encounter. However, toward the end, I could hear her voice weaken, and she said to me “Grandmom, you wrote the book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change. That’s for the adults. What we teens need is our own manual on how to operate in this very toxic world. Was it like this when you grew up? Can you help?”

I heard the call to action and am starting to put a teen book together and will let you know when it’s done after the new year.

Here are my beginning thoughts about the core issues GUTSY GIRLS face in our very toxic world and what to do about it. It’s about the three major mistakes females make, have made for generations, and how to make changes that are healthy and positive.

In many ways, it’s about all females, regardless of age:

NOT Speaking Up: Fear of being rejected if you say what you really mean. The need to be part of the ‘in crowd’ or at least not be talked about, becomes more important than telling the truth. Stuffing feelings, smiling, and being a pleaser are the core patterns here.
NOT Shutting Up: Fear of being ridiculed if you take a strong stand. The need to get louder and louder to make a point and never, ever, back down is more important than thinking about the right timing. Flooding feelings, anger, and being a drama queen are core patterns here.
NOT Owning Up: The fear of being abandoned if you say something was your fault. The need to look smart and capable is more important than asking for help. Deflecting feelings, blaming, and being a victim are core patterns here.

I have helped lots of women transform these outdated patterns to live richer, more fulfilling lives and now its time to take it to today’s teens who are looking for ways to live richer, more fulfilling lives.

If you or the teens in your life have questions or comments that can go into the new book, please get in touch with me. The world is changing and we need to make positive changes that will make a difference.

Thanksgiving Celebration Tradition Family Dinner Concept

Business and Life Patterns, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Patterns

Have a heartwarming and growth-inducing Thanksgiving

Sylvia Lafair
November 20, 2018

I am writing a heartfelt message to hopefully help make your Thanksgiving time as positive and fruitful as possible.

First, here is a quote from retired Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Conner:

The Family unit plays a critical role in our society

And in the generations to come.

In all the work I have done as a therapist and leadership coach, those words ring true for everyone both at home and at work.

Interestingly, many wish this were not the case, that annoying family members could just be forgotten.

Not possible.

Some of my best advice in “Don’t Bring It To Work” and “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” is about how to transform outdated behavior patterns we learned in our original organization the family that we bring into work and all other relationships.

Take the Leadership or GUTSY quiz to see where you are in terms of pattern repetition.

Today, I want to give you two tips that may well lead to a new understanding of those around you.

“TELL ME MORE”: Most of the time we stay at the superficial and safe level of talking with each other. To get underneath the obvious where the gold of truth lies, all you need to do is say “TELL ME MORE” to invite a richer discussion.

In my experience, most people want to heal past rifts and want to love and be loved in return. While this may sound too soft and fuzzy, it’s the opposite. Being open and searching for truth is the true hero and heroine’s journey.

It takes GUTSY women and BOLD men to be open and not defensive.

Your experiment is to simply deepen your discussion with at least one person over the Thanksgiving holiday.

“IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME”: Being vulnerable takes strength and determination. Easier to defend, explain and justify, to judge, blame and attack. That is the way most of us were taught to protect ourselves as kids and yes, we bring this with us into adulthood.

The words “It would mean a lot to me” are very carefully chosen. Saying what you ‘want’ or ‘need’ often creates a push back. It sounds like you are weak or demanding.

Simply telling someone what would really matter to you without putting a burden on them to fulfill a want or need is more honest and also more possible.

It would mean a lot to me to hear from those of you who use these two communication tools during the holiday season.

Also, it would mean a lot to me if you would take a minute and vote for me as a global guru for the 4th year in a row.

Thanks for all the support and comments over this past year.

Have a heartwarming and growth-inducing Thanksgiving.

Warmly,

Sylvia

Business, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

What Does Equality Look Like?

Sylvia Lafair
November 13, 2018

What does EQUALITY look like? And what I am talking about here is FULL equality?

That was one of the main questions I was asked at the Indianapolis Conference for Women where I presented last week.

I was pushing for women to embrace the concept of FULL EQUALITY in my presentation “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change.”

I have received so many emails thanking me for “the formula” that I decided to share it here, with all of you.

First, let’s take a journey back to the long-ago past where men were hunters (the daring ones) and women were gatherers (the caring ones).

Or brains still react as if we were still back in that day. I will explain in a moment.

In tribal times men went out with spears or a bow and arrows to make sure they could track and kill the deer or buffalo that would be dinner for many nights. They were trained from childhood to be uni-focused, speak less, and go out alone.

Women, on the other hand, were multi-trackers. They would watch the kids, keep the tent clean, go out to get the herbs and berries to make the food tasty.

Research shows that male brains utilize nearly seven times more gray matter for activity while female brains utilize nearly ten times more white matter. And therein lie some of the issues we are grappling with today.

Gray matter represents information processing centers in the brain, and white matter represents the network of connections between these processing centers. Men often do best with focused tasks while women excel at integrating and assimilating information.

Human evolution has created two different types of brains designed for equally intelligent behavior. However, what was needed long ago is not what is needed now. The roles of men and women are changing rapidly and who knows, maybe the brain will change how it looks in years to come.

The new formula:

Daring + Caring = Sharing

As women become more daring it gives men the chance to become more caring. And the good news is that this leads to a more powerful way of sharing. It leads to FULL EQUALITY.

For all of us to thrive and become the best we can be it is time to step out of all the recent negativity and really understand that each one of us has a part to play in creating a good balance between the sexes.

I applaud all the daring women and caring men who are figuring out how this formula can be part of today’s life, at home and at work.

If you have a story about the new balance in your relationship, I’d love to hear about it. With your permission, it could be in the new book I am working on about, guess what…. FULL EQUALITY.

Best,

Sylvia

1 2 3 … 10 Next

Is being a leader a good idea?

Be a positive force in the workplace

I’m back from my radical sabbatical

In the leadership business, what are we really selling?

Gutsy or Bold, Are You Ready to Take a Step Forward?

Gutsy Woman Profile: Karen Mangia

Gutsy & Bold: The New Paradigm of Relationships

The core issues gutsy girls face

Have a heartwarming and growth-inducing Thanksgiving

What Does Equality Look Like?

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