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How Leadership Styles Can Help Or Hinder Messy Situations
Leadership, Leadership Styles

How Leadership Styles Can Help Or Hinder Messy Situations

These days stress can come with a change in the weather. Hurricanes, fires, tornadoes, no place is safe anymore. What was business as usual yesterday could be taking a heroic stance to save a life today.

This is a great time to evaluate your leadership style and see what you can do to elevate to a next level of success. So, let’s start with basics.

How do you handle stress?

Do you face forward or hideaway? Do you look for scapegoats or leave the blaming behind? Do you wait for agreement or make decisions on your own?

My M.O. is calm and collected until someone starts to make the situation sound impossible. You know, the Chicken Little types who are sure (does anyone under the age of 40 even know who Chicken Little is?), the ones who are sure the sky is falling.

When those fear mongers show up I become the autocratic leader who takes charge and bosses people around. And then, I must admit, I start to second guess myself and think I should have taken more time to get others to accept what I think is the right way. It can be crazy making and that pleaser part of me creates even more stress. UG! Think dog chasing its tail.

Is there a better way?

That’s part of why I’m writing this post today.

Instead of behaving in ways that actually creates more stress I want to see what else is new in the world of leadership development that I may have missed.

First word that seems to get a lot of play is adapting. Not new, yet good to remember: If you can’t change the situation, at least make big changes in the way you handle it.

I’ll call this the Zen Leadership Style.

Instead of seeing the change that is causing the stress as an adversary, align with it. See whatever is happening as a test, a time to strengthen and learn.  Even if you don’t believe it wholeheartedly, repeat to yourself that you can get through this and things will get better. Most of the time they will. Just Zen it for now.

Next is what I call the Grown-Up Leadership Style.

Stop looking for someone else to come up with the best ways to handle things. Get the word “should” and put it in the box with your little kid toys. No one should protect you. No mom, dad or auntie to figure it out.  It’s up to you to use all your creative energy and find the next steps. You don’t have to be bossy, you just must be clear.

Now, let’s look at the Stubborn Leadership Style.

This is where you desperately hang onto old habits. It’s when you say, “This has always worked in the past and it will be fine now.” When those younger than you have new ideas on what to do, they are dismissed as idiots (oh, you never say it, just smile and ignore their suggestions). You stay with the old ways and hope the difficulties will pass and no one will judge your lack of initiative.

The “It’s Not Fair” Leadership Style

Do you ever feel helpless during change? Can’t see your way out of the forest? Spend time wringing your hands and shouting at the gods who rain down injustice from high above? Leaders who use this tactic are masters at blaming someone out there. Good move, if you are helpless and turn the attention outward, well, you then shift accountability away and are not a target for doing anything wrong. Leadership? Not really.

I am going to take the first two and be more Zen and grown up in my approach to change and stress. What about you?

Let me know what you envision as great leadership and what you think are the best ways to handle the stress of change that sure seems to be a constant in our fast moving world.

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The Best Leadership Style that Enhances Team Effectiveness
Leadership, Leadership Styles

The Best Leadership Style that Enhances Team Effectiveness (And Some That Don’t)

The main thing that all leaders shudder about is conflict at work.

There is a silent hope that conflict will simply resolve itself and teams can get their projects done quickly and easily.

Problems seldom simply just disappear…

There are four leadership styles that can be used when conflict rears its ugly head. However, there is only one that will take you and your team through the whirlpool and be ready when the next hurricane or tornado is ready to pounce.

Here are the four leadership styles in order of helpfulness:

1. Servant leadership: This is the kindest method.

It takes skill to listen and offer feedback in a positive way. It means putting your own anxiety aside and really tracking what is going on with your staff.

Those who have done some personal self-development are able to use this method effectively. However, the downside is that often work is secondary to the emotional wants and needs of staff and a choke hold is created on productivity.

Please remember my very strong conclusion from years of working with servant leaders: WORK IS NOT A REHAB FACILITY!

2. Charismatic leadership: Part of your job as a leader is to inspire and motivate.

It’s so helpful when you can paint a picture of the future, of the way out of conflict, of the was to better, more cohesive work relationships and help your team see new possibilities.

Often the fear and discounting that goes with conflict at work can be traversed more effectively when there is a rainbow to be assured will come after the rain of discontent.

The down side of charismatic leadership is that the feeling of being invincible can rear its head and as a leader you begin to think you can do no wrong.

3. Deliberate leadership: This is a way to barrel through the conflict and make quick decisions and meet tight deadlines.

It is reminiscent of Benjamin Franklin’s statement that “a stitch in time saves nine.” And that’s true.

However, if decisions are made without getting the inclusion of the team there may well be hard feelings left behind and while the decision looks bright and shiny in the moment the after effects are dissention and feelings of not being included.

This often leads to work slow-downs, absenteeism, and constant gossip.

4. Bureaucratic: This is oldest of the styles and the one that is deeply embedded in generations of leaders.

It’s about being attached to policies and procedures with the demand they are followed rigorously.

While many policies are important for legal considerations, there is a new way to approach the check off list of what needs to be done in today’s workplace. The downfall here is lack of flexibility and constricted ways of thinking through conflict.

Times have changed and when the comment is “that’s the way we’ve always done things around here” you better take a deep breath and reevaluate.

The best leadership style is Transformational leadership.

This is when you have a long- range plan attached to short range goals.

This is when you ask and listen, when you paint a picture of the future with a roadmap on how to get there and when you have developed enough courage and inner strength to know when to make deliberate decisions and when to let the team grapple with the issues at hand, capable to stand by and intervene as needed.

The same principles apply to transformational leadership as they do for parents guiding children to become competent autonomous adults.

This is when you have a long- range plan attached to short range goals.

This is when you ask and listen, when you paint a picture of the future with a roadmap on how to get there and when you have developed enough courage and inner strength to know when to make deliberate decisions and when to let the team grapple with the issues at hand, capable to stand by and intervene as needed.

The same principles apply to transformational leadership as they do for parents guiding children to become competent autonomous adults.

Which of the four leadership styles best reflect current your style?

 

 

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Effective leader at meeting
Business, Leadership

The 3 “C’s” of Effective Leaders

What do you look for in your leaders? What are the most compelling attributes that are needed and yearned for in today’s effective leaders? What do you want to see so you can believe in him or her?

No longer willing to simply nod and agree?

No longer simply be a by-standers without speaking up?

No longer  behave like a small child needing care-taking?

The world is demanding that we all demand and also become powerful leaders. Whether its leading an organization, a team, a family, leadership is an art and a craft for all of us to master.

Here are 3 of the most important areas for any leader to address in this age of speed and social media responses.

Think of it this way, there’s nowhere to hide. And even more, why would you want to hide in a corner? Master the three “C’s” and take your place in today’s ever- changing world.

  1.  Confidence: What happens when you are around someone who has that “Can Do” attitude?

Does it make you step up with more belief in yourself? Does it make you take risks that look tough? Do you hear the call to action loud and clear?

One of my leadership heroes is a man, small in stature and quiet of voice.

Yet, Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist, is a man of great confidence and belief in himself and what he teaches. During the Viet Nam War when people were sparked to violence and there were dark forces all around he led marches in Manhattan that were slow and thoughtful walks, not rabble- rousing infernos. When asked if he was for the north or the south he said in his calm, gentle voice, “I am for the middle.”

    2.  Communication: What does it take to be clear and concise when you speak?

How can you motivate others to do their best? How able are you to share information and not play games to make others feel insecure and confused? Leaders who use words effectively and know what needs to be said are in short supply.

Too many of today’s leaders either read from a monitor and simply spill out the words of others or get too into the grove of talking too much from an ego place about themselves.

An important model of deft communication was President John F. Kennedy. He had a skill of saying just enough to cause people to envision a better world and challenged us to go to the moon. And we did!

   3.  Character: What does it take to be self-aware?

How can you consider the welfare of others along with your own personal needs? When can you stand up and do the right thing rather than appeal to the crowd and be a people pleaser?

It takes character to consider long term goals and not simply get the goodies from short term results.

Abraham Lincoln showed depth of character through one of the worst times in American history. He called together his team of rivals to find ways to go beyond the divineness of the day and point a way to new beginnings. Not easy with so many contentious issues to be considered.

These three and a bonus (courage) are key to what it means to be an effective leader of purpose.

What other attributes would you add to this list, and it doesn’t have to be a word that begins with C. It just needs to be the opposite of NOT SEE!

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How Leaders Can Help Teams Move From Impossible to Impactful
Leadership

How Leaders Can Help Teams Move From Impossible to Impactful

Did you ever wish your co-workers would just leave their emotions at the door before they entered the work area?

“No more,” you say, “no more sob stories about friends and family, about diet and exercise, about being tired and troubled.”

Have you noticed that the most confident of colleagues will shrivel to the size of a walnut when talking about confronting that ogre boss, or two team mates will verbally bludgeon each other rather than listen and make concessions?

And do you and your peers start to hyperventilate when it’s time for the annual performance review?

We all, yes, all of us, have reason to bring our emotions to work even when we want so badly to stay calm and rational. Why is this?

We are wired to remember.

Without memory, none of us would make it past the terrible twos, if that long.

It’s the hot stove syndrome.

You know, get burned once, you get the “ouch” wired in your brain and next hot stove encounter is treated with more respect. Pretty fast, we learn that we were not born with Teflon hands.

Let me introduce you to “transference.”

Transference is the term in psychology that explains why we repeat behavior patterns from the past in the present time.

Transference is like a flashback.

Take that confident colleague mentioned above, the one who whined about an ogre boss. Peel the onion of emotions back just a bit and chances are there’s a memory of a bully parent who pointed fingers and yelled. Or the team members who want to prove they are right. Ask about their siblings and you’ll get a snapshot of kids wanting to prove who is the smarter and more powerful.

Performance reviews?

Remember that feeling in your gut when it was time for report cards? Or when the final exam grade was less than you  (or your parents) expected?

In my book, Don’t Bring It to Work, I offer ways to handle that dang transference from the past to the present. The good news is that facing the past frees the future.

Sound good?

Here are some of the basics of becoming PATTERN AWARE that will help you notice your memories and not get trapped by them.

  1. What we learned in our original organization, the family is what we bring to work (whether we want to or not).
  2. What we learned about fairness, favoritism, backbiting and betrayal in our families gets played out with a new cast of characters we call bosses, co-workers, direct reports.
  3. How our families responded to resources (limitless or limited) programmed us for how we see the power of money, including salaries, raises, bonuses and what is fair or not fair.
  4. Rules became internalized and whether it was safe or dangerous to speak out and if we were to be praised or punished for taking a stand.
  5. Change was either something to enjoy or rail against. It produced victims who said, “It’s hopeless now” or heroes who said “We’ll make it happen.”

Look around you. You will see bosses like parents, colleagues like  siblings and if you are ever put or  need  to put someone on a performance improvement plan, well, think about it like a “time out.”

The more you can see the power of transference from old memories to present day situations the more you can be in charge of how to respond in a powerful and positive manner.

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Leadership development man looking thoughtful
Business, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership

Leadership Development: Putting Blame In All The Wrong Places

  • Sylvia Lafair
  • August 22, 2017

The patterns of the past are haunting us these days.  Good leadership development requires us to read the signs of the times and lead people to a better and more positive place.

How to lead in uncertain times is the highest form of leadership.

The question is how to create an atmosphere where there can be a dialogue rather than resort to fist fighting?

How do we move from pistols to peace-tools? Figuratively with words or physically with objects.

When there are those who choose to “Not See” any point of view but their own, who condemn and disparage others, the natural tendency is to go to the other extreme. The desire is to prove how wrong they are. Then we stay lost in the realm of right and wrong, good and bad, yes and no.

Before you get upset and stop reading, please hear me: Understanding is NOT excusing.

If we are to make progress in the time of social media where information leaps around the world in minutes we are going to require a better way of communicating with each other.

“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing more difficult than understanding him.” A quote from Russian author Dostoevsky gives us pause to ask, “Why bother?”

Isn’t it easier to put someone in jail, or fire them at work and simply move on?

Here’s the challenge.

What other ways we can look at difficult situations and develop methods of discussion, to include those we see as “the enemy” at work, in our communities, on our planet? What’s in the way of retooling our thinking to go upstream for more effective answers?

It’s called a paradigm shift.

The temptation is to attack the symptoms rather than to create change at a more fundamental level.

A Story “Saving Drowning Kids.”

                  The fishermen at the river’s edge heard a little boy calling for help in the rushing water. Someone jumped in to save him. In a few minutes, there were two more children calling for help. And soon there followed more youngsters.One man left the group and there were taunts of disdain, how could he leave when they could save the children.

                An hour later he returned and when the anger finally abated he said “Someone had to find out why the children were in the river in the first place. Yes, we saved a dozen, who knows if this would have continued day after day.”

           “So, I went upstream and found the kids crossing an old rickety bridge with rotting planks that were falling out. I stopped the children and had someone from town come to replace the planks.”

Going up river means looking at pre-existing conditions and leading in a way that will inspire rather than inflame.

There has been a great deal of research about the rise of the Nazi movement in Germany and many factors were involved. One that has always haunted me is that so many of the thugs, yes thugs (I said that understanding is not excusing) who brutalized others came from families where they were either physically or verbally abused as children, or there was a trauma such as a suicide or other type of abandonment by parents.

What would make someone hate others “just because?”

Go upriver by researching what you can about the naysayers in your midst. Learn about their lives, their stories and then begin to help find better ways of resolving the tough issues

Here is a list of important questions for you to ask as you take the reins of leadership to help find more effective ways to solve difficult work and community problems.

  1. Who said it? It is someone you know, a person in authority or some amorphous “he said, they said.”
  2. What did they say? What are the facts or is it just a strong of slogans and empty rhetoric.
  3. Where did they say it? Was this a public or private meeting. Who else was in the room.
  4. When did they say it? Was the discussion with you before, during or after a difficult meeting.
  5. Why did they say it? Was this said to provoke you, make them look good, become your ally.
  6. How did they say it? What was the tonality? Was it friendly, argumentative, secretive? Loud or quiet.

In my experience and in my book “UNIQUE: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion and Engagement” I give examples of what can happen to teams and to individuals when they take the time to ask the questions and  learn about each other.

Effective leadership development requires you and you and you and me, all of us, to reframe the way we think and take that trip up river.

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3 Main Leadership Styles To Get Work Done Successfully
Leadership

3 Main Leadership Styles To Get Work Done Successfully

There are so many leadership styles being touted by different experts, what does it really take to be effective in today’s workplace?

From my experience, I’ve found that the most effective leadership style is when you are a “pivot master.”
It’s the new dance at work, shake and shimmy, rotate, revolve, turn. Pivot is today’s word.

As a leader, you need to be able to turn on a dime and engage individuals in many situations. Think of it this way, would you ever eat only hamburgers and nothing else for months on end? Of course not.

And would you wear the same clothes day after day for a year or so? It would never happen.

So, why would you use only one way of communicating and leading day after day, month after month, year after year?

Use different ways to increase productivity and move through all kinds of situations skillfully. This is the art of leadership.

Yes, you have “your way,” it’s like your signature, unique to you. And your personality will dictate which style is the most comfortable for you. However, learning to adapt to all kinds of situations, to shift in a moment’s notice to get the results you want and need, that’s the foundation of powerful leadership.

Here are the 3 key leadership styles that you need to have in your tool box:

1. Be Specific:

You are in charge here. You draw the picture of what needs to be done in fine detail. It’s all been thought out. You get to the point quickly and don’t really want lots of input. You assign the work and the dates of when it needs to be done. Think of it like going into battle. All the details have been worked out and you hand the blueprint to your staff and make sure everyone knows their roles and responsibilities. You spell it out in clear and certain terms.

The down side: Often this type of leader is seen as a persecutor (aka bully) and individuals talk behind your back and smile and agree in front of you.

2. Find Consensus:

Everyone has a say. This takes longer and often requires excellent conflict resolution skills. This means taking the time to find the middle ground between total assent and total disagreement. There is a deep desire for harmony and cooperation. All sides are heard before final decisions are made. When there are still some naysayers, time is taken to figure out how to establish rapport and get all going in the same direction. There can be voting on direction, in fact, often several votes are needed to get to an alliance of what is the best way to move forward. Once there is unity movement toward the goal can be swift and positive.

The down side: You are seen as a pleaser, someone who is wishy-washy and can be swayed easily to change your mind.

3. Offer personalization:

You have taken the time to know each person and how best to approach them. Those who need details are given them. Those who want to know the big picture and then figure it out themselves are offered that opportunity. Those who have lots of questions can ask and those who want to move fast and furious are given the room to do so. Supervision is minimal and only given when needed.

The down side: You are seen as an avoider who does not want to make the difficult decisions and would rather let people trip and fall rather than take responsibility for the end results of the projects.

It is a mélange of these three ways of leading that creates amazing success. Remember, it’s the pivot that makes it all work.

There are many personality traits that are at the bottom of why we prefer one type of leading to another. What is the one method you use to be an effective leader?

Which of the key leadership styles is the one you need to put into your personal tool box?

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There's no snake oil remedy for success
Business and Life Patterns, Coaching, Leadership

Don’t Believe the Hype…There’s No Snake Oil Remedy for Success

Did you ever look at someone who seems to have it all and begin to shrink yourself down to the size of a pea, feeling worthless?

Do you ever listen to someone who has the answers, I mean the real answers, to health, wealth, and relationships, and feel like a dummy…really less than?

Have you ever felt depressed meeting someone who is taller, thinner, better dressed and felt like a loser, never being good enough?

Look, there’s always a back story and without knowing the underbelly of someone’s life, it’s so easy to put yourself at the back of the pack.

We all do it, or at least those of us who are honest and searching for truth.  Sometimes, we wonder if we are failing, while others are jogging up that mountain of success without missing a beat.

I just had that happen today and it was like a whack on the side of the head, a wake-up call, to be careful not to buy into what looks good on the outside, without checking further.

Snake oil for sale…careful!

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Is it good luck?
Change, General Resolution, Growth, Leadership

Is it Good Luck or Bad Luck? You Decide!

We all give into superstitions when the day becomes dark. We say things to make ourselves feel better.  We really do create stories about good luck and bad luck.  Much like the following:

Now, what I’m going to say is really not that big a deal.  Except, it was a really big deal when it happened.

We put an offer on a house in Northern California, which I must say, is like the 1800’s land grab.

Nothing stays on the market very long and if something is super great, well, it is gone in days.  Not only gone in days, but above the asking price.  Bidding wars all over the place.  It’s crazy.

Notice the house in the image to the left.  That’s about what you get for the price.  Kinda depressing!

Anyway, we found the perfect home.  No, not the one above!  I mean perfect.  Out of town, in nature. Like Goldilocks, it was not too small, not too big.  Just right.

It had been on the market for one day.  We were first to see it the next day.

Did I say it was not too small, not too big, just right?  So, we had to scurry to put a bid in.  We were second.  Then we waited.

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Three business professionals working together
Coaching, Conflict Resolutions, Leadership

Intuition, Science and Truth-Telling Form a Powerful Trio in the Workplace

This is about how to rid yourself of a toxic employee or boss.

Did you ever have an employee who scored high on those personality tests that determine if they would make a good fit for your organization?

How about sitting in an interview and ‘just knowing’ this is the absolutely, positively, right person for the job?

Or, you are being interviewed and enthralled by the possibility of working for this most amazing boss.

And then something happens…

There is a disconnect between what looked good on paper (and even in your heart and mind) and what is really happening day-to-day.

“What the heck happened?” you ask yourself.

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Free to Be You and Me…Are We There Yet?
Growth, Leadership, Patterns

Free to Be You and Me…Are We There Yet?

Way back, almost 45 years ago, there was a record album (yes, that’s what we had back then) for kids.  It was the brainchild of actress Marlo Thomas.  A gift, so she thought, for her niece who was 4 years old and exploring what it meant to be a little girl.

Helping one person became a cultural phenomenon.

Marlo, frustrated because of all the gender specific books that had boys as pilots and girls as stewardesses, and so on, began the project of putting together songs that gave kids the novel idea they could be whatever they wanted.

Girls can grow up to be mommies and doctors; boys can play with dolls.

Children, at home and in school, were encouraged to think of themselves as unique and create their own amazing stories to tell.

How far have we come?

It’s better – yet, we still have a long way to go.

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