Summary: Navigating the workplace can be challenging, especially when you have a “petty tyrant” as a colleague or manager. These individuals can make your professional life difficult with micromanagement, criticism, and unreasonable demands. However, there are strategies to turn this challenging situation into a winning one. Here’s how you can effectively manage and thrive despite the presence of a petty tyrant at work.
Dear Dr Sylvia,
My request is simple.
I need some pointers on how to help the most annoying “petty tyrant” at my work. I hope he can either change behavior or decide to find another company to go to to and bother others.
For example, he’s the person who can make it baffling, because he likes to steal your ideas and claim them as his own. He also likes to tell you he has too much on his plate and can’t get the work done. He then aggressively pleads for help.
Then you have to help and then they come in at the last minute, and say, “Well, I’m glad that I had that great idea,” and it goes on and on and on.
Petty tyrants use psychology to make you think YOU are the problem
In fact, every company I’ve ever worked with has some petty tyrants. They are not strong, but they are annoying.
I have seen that petty tyrants use psychology to really make you go wacko, and if you get into what they’re saying, you’re going to have some problems.
What are some tips to help me get out of the way or help them change and grow?
Signed,
NHB (Normal human being)
Dear NHB,
We are all a combination of positive and negative behaviors.
Did you ever hear the joke, “What is the definition of a normal human being?”
Answer is “Someone you don’t know very well!”
That you are willing to look for new ways of relating is to your credit.
Here are ideas to help you with the petty tyrants.
The way out of upset is to Observe, Understand and Transform what is not working to your benefit
1. Understand Their Behavior
The first step in dealing with a petty tyrant is understanding their behavior. Often, their actions stem from insecurities, a desire for control, or a lack of self-awareness. Recognizing that their behavior is more about them than you can help you not take their actions personally and respond more strategically.
2. Stay Professional and Composed
Maintaining professionalism and composure is crucial. Petty tyrants often thrive on creating conflict and seeing others react emotionally. By staying calm and collected, you deprive them of the satisfaction of seeing you distressed and maintain your dignity and respect in the workplace.
Petty tyrants are often “splitters.” That means they will tell you one thing and tell another the opposite.
For example, you are told “Jane is upset that you are taking so long to get the project outline to the team. Then, you get upset and say,” She has a nerve. I’ve been waiting for her numbers for over a week.”
All things considered, the Petty Tyrant goes to Jane and says “Wow, Don is furious with you and says you are a terrible team leader.”
“Splitter/petty tyrant” then backs off so you and Jane can “duke it out.” They watch from the sidelines usually with a smirk.
Read more about the power of splitters in “Don’t Bring It To Work.”
3. Set Boundaries and Be Assertive
Clearly define your boundaries and be assertive in communicating them. When the petty tyrant’s behavior crosses the line, address it directly but diplomatically. For example, you can say, “I appreciate your feedback, but I feel micromanaged when you ask for updates multiple times a day. Can we agree on a more efficient communication method?”
4. Document Everything
Keeping a detailed record of your interactions with the petty tyrant can be invaluable. Document their requests, your responses, and any inappropriate behavior. This documentation can serve as evidence if you need to escalate the issue to higher management or HR.
5. Find Allies and Build a Support Network
Having a support network at work can make a significant difference. Identify colleagues who share your perspective or have had similar experiences. Together, you can offer each other moral support, share strategies for dealing with the petty tyrant, and, if necessary, present a united front to higher management.
6. Focus on Your Performance and Goals
Concentrate on your work and personal career goals. Demonstrating competence and delivering high-quality work can help you gain recognition and support from others in the organization. This can also make it harder for the petty tyrant to undermine your efforts or credibility.
7. Seek Feedback and Mentorship
Regularly seek feedback from other colleagues and mentors. This can provide you with a balanced view of your performance and help you identify areas for improvement. Mentors can also offer advice on navigating workplace politics and dealing with difficult personalities.
8. Use Conflict Resolution Skills
Developing strong conflict-resolution skills can help you manage and mitigate disputes effectively. Learn to listen actively, empathize with the other person’s perspective, and find common ground. This can help de-escalate tensions and create a more collaborative environment.
9. Know When to Escalate
If the petty tyrant’s behavior becomes intolerable or starts affecting your mental health and job performance, it’s essential to know when to escalate the issue. Approach your HR department or higher management with your documented evidence and a clear explanation of the impact of the tyrant’s behavior on your work and well-being.
10. Consider Your Long-Term Career Path
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a petty tyrant is to plan your exit strategy. If the work environment becomes too toxic and there are no signs of improvement, it might be worth considering opportunities elsewhere. Your mental health and career growth should always be a priority.
Dealing with a petty tyrant at work is undoubtedly challenging, but with the right strategies, you can create a winning situation. By understanding their behavior, maintaining professionalism, setting boundaries, and focusing on your goals, you can navigate this difficult dynamic and even turn it to your advantage. Remember, your career success is not determined by one difficult person but by your ability to handle challenges gracefully and resilient.
You have to be able to stay above the situation to see it more clearly.
That means, observe what’s going on first.
Think of it this way, you can get a better view of how a team operates from the balcony rather than the first row.
I know people like to be helpful and kind and give ideas to someone else, but once you start seeing that the other person is really a grabber not a giver, it’s time for you to speak up and be cool about it.
Therefore, here are four tips to help you tame that petty tyrant.
TIP 1: Be empathetic
The first one is to show some empathy about why you’re saying they’re absolute jerk.
You ask, “Why should I show empathy?”
Well, I want you to know that they’re often in pain and they often live in fear.
I bet your next thought is, so why should I care? Well, it’s okay if you care. It’s okay if you don’t, but you have to know about this. Then you know what to do with your frustration and feeling of upset..
TIP 2: Acknowledge good work
The first thing you do when you have a petty tyrant to work with, is acknowledge them. Acknowledge whatever they’ve done. Often, they’ve worked wherever it is for a much longer time than you have and they feel you may be coming in to usurp their place. So,
In fact, one of the things to do is acknowledge them for anything. I mean, acknowledge that they’ve done a good job in the past. Acknowledge that they’re created something you can like.
It will begin to limit the amount of fear in the room when you talk with them.
The next thing and this is the most important is, don’t play their game. Don’t play the “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.” Don’t play the “but I told you.” Simply say, “What’s going on isn’t working and you begin to look from your perspective. You stay very centered in this.”
So, you’re not going to play into their game because they want to suck your power and they want you to be afraid of them. Don’t let it happen. Don’t play their game.
TIP 3: Stay strong when you create boundaries
The next time we go in a meeting and you say to me, “Oh my goodness! Can you help me with this?” Say, “No, I told you that that wouldn’t work for me,” and the fourth is, if everything else fails, get a third party to sit with the two of you. It may be somebody from HR. Perhaps a colleague. Or, it may be a coach, somebody that the two of you can agree to talk with.
TIP 4: Have a third party intervene
So, how workable is this? I’d say it’s about a 70/30 that you can tame that tyrant and make them become a friend. 70/30 though that you will become stronger in what you’re doing and feel good about yourself because you won’t play their game.
You have shown empathy and you’ve created boundaries and worst case is, don’t you be the one to leave. Go and talk with somebody about what’s going on because I’m telling you, you’re probably not the only one that they’re using. They’re really users. So, be careful, be kind, be strong and go for it in your career.
In conclusion, you’re going to find a tyrant somewhere or other, please make sure that when you do, you can help them transform to healthier ways of working.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
