I am writing a heartfelt message to hopefully help make your Thanksgiving time as positive and fruitful as possible.
First, here is a quote from retired Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Conner:
The Family unit plays a critical role in our society
And in the generations to come.
In all the work I have done as a therapist and leadership coach, those words ring true for everyone both at home and at work.
Interestingly, many wish this were not the case, that annoying family members could just be forgotten.
Some of my best advice in “Don’t Bring It To Work” and “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” is about how to transform outdated behavior patterns we learned in our original organization the family that we bring into work and all other relationships.
Take the Leadership or GUTSY quiz to see where you are in terms of pattern repetition.
Today, I want to give you two tips that may well lead to a new understanding of those around you.
“TELL ME MORE”: Most of the time we stay at the superficial and safe level of talking with each other. To get underneath the obvious where the gold of truth lies, all you need to do is say “TELL ME MORE” to invite a richer discussion.
In my experience, most people want to heal past rifts and want to love and be loved in return. While this may sound too soft and fuzzy, it’s the opposite. Being open and searching for truth is the true hero and heroine’s journey.
It takes GUTSY women and BOLD men to be open and not defensive.
Your experiment is to simply deepen your discussion with at least one person over the Thanksgiving holiday.
“IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME”: Being vulnerable takes strength and determination. Easier to defend, explain and justify, to judge, blame and attack. That is the way most of us were taught to protect ourselves as kids and yes, we bring this with us into adulthood.
The words “It would mean a lot to me” are very carefully chosen. Saying what you ‘want’ or ‘need’ often creates a push back. It sounds like you are weak or demanding.
Simply telling someone what would really matter to you without putting a burden on them to fulfill a want or need is more honest and also more possible.
It would mean a lot to me to hear from those of you who use these two communication tools during the holiday season.
Also, it would mean a lot to me if you would take a minute and vote for me as a global guru for the 4th year in a row.
Thanks for all the support and comments over this past year.
Have a heartwarming and growth-inducing Thanksgiving.