Summary: In my work studying patterns of behavior, I’ve learned that culture isn’t built in Executive Leadership meetings; it’s revealed by what happens after hours. Offsites don’t just show how we celebrate; they show what we avoid. Here are some thoughts to consider as we prepare for the holiday season.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am dreading what comes after we finish helping our kids carve pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns.
My company is notorious for giving the best holiday parties. That is both a big deal for our customers and also a massive celebration for our staff.
Last year, the bill for alcohol was like the national debt of an emerging country.
More than that was what I, as head of HR, had to deal with when some of the happy partygoers were, to be kind, misfiring on all cylinders.
I want to schedule a meeting with our Executive team to discuss potential solutions and prevent difficulties from recurring this year.
Thoughts please.
Signed,
Action-oriented Exec
Holiday Cheer and Clear Minds
Dear Action-oriented Exec,
Thank you for thinking ahead. Once summer is over and the smell of cinnamon fills the air, those in charge of planning often have their minds set on the big end-of-year parties.
Yes, it’s time to kick back and enjoy the fruits of a year’s work.
However, these parties indicate more than just a few hours of fun.
The Deeper the Stress, the Heavier the Pour.
I’ve spent years observing patterns in performance, in leadership, and in how teams connect under pressure.
And one pattern I keep seeing, across industries and levels, is this:
At work off-sites, it’s almost ritual. The long days of strategy and slides give way to long nights of open bars and “mandatory fun.”
And somewhere between the laughter and the late-night confessions, the line between connection and coping gets blurry.
It’s Not About Alcohol: It’s About What It Represents
People aren’t addicted to drinking at off-sites.
I bet many of you disagree! So, please, hear me out.
They’re addicted to what drinking offers: relief, belonging, and permission to relax.
For many, that’s the only time they feel safe to be fully themselves..
When the only way to connect is to drink, it tells us something:
We’ve built systems that reward exhaustion and mask vulnerability.
How the Cycle Sustains Itself
Overdrinking at off-sites is about more than indulgence. It’s about identity.
Leaders model it. When senior people drink heavily, others follow, not to get drunk, but to belong.
Teams normalize it. “This is how we bond.”
The company rewards it. Those who “rally” get praised for stamina, not for self-awareness.
It becomes a self-reinforcing loop, a pattern of behavior disguised as culture.
Research backs this up. A 2024 CIPD study found that over half of employees felt “implicit pressure to drink” when leaders were present. And a YouGov report (2024) revealed that one in three workers called in sick after work drinks.
These aren’t isolated incidents; they’re signs of a system stuck in an old rhythm.
The Hidden Cost of Outdated Rhythm
Too much alcohol doesn’t just slow down individuals; it slows down evolution.
It dulls creativity, because only a few voices dominate late-night conversations.
Consider how it narrows inclusion, because not everyone feels welcome in that environment.
In fact, it breeds burnout disguised as bonding, exhaustion mistaken for team spirit.
And as I’ve heard from more than one partner or spouse:
“I don’t go to those company retreats anymore, it’s not about connection; it’s about drinking.”
When our celebrations drive away the very people who ground us, that’s a sign it’s time to change the script.
A New Pattern: One Worth Building
The real challenge, and opportunity, isn’t to eliminate alcohol.
It’s to elevate connection.
Imagine off-sites and holiday parties where, the following day, people wake up energized, not regretful.
Think about great conversations that happen at every table, not just at the bar.
Consider how inclusion is fostered through curiosity rather than conformity.
When we shift from “drink to belong” to “connect to belong,” we don’t just create a healthier culture; we create a more evolved one.
My Work, and My Why: The Way OUT of Outdated, Ingrained Patterns
Much of my work focuses on uncovering patterns, the invisible loops that drive behavior inside organizations. Hint: It’s often generational, stemming from either family or culture.
There are Patterns of performance. Then there are Patterns of burnout. And of course, Patterns of how we connect, or disconnect.
What I’ve learned is this: if you don’t name a pattern, you’ll repeat it.
Once the pattern is observed, it can be understood and transformed.
Yes, if you have the courage to acknowledge it and understand its origins, you can transform it.
That’s the work ahead.
Not just for me, but for all of us who believe leadership is more than targets and titles, it’s about shaping the culture we leave behind.
To the leaders brave enough to break the pattern, here’s to you.
Not with another round, but with a renewed sense of purpose.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: Let’s discuss: Have you seen this pattern in your own teams or industry? How are you reimagining connection at work?
PSS. My award-winning book, “Invisible Stress: It’s NOT What YOU Think,” and the Stress Mastery online program are perfect gifts as we gt ready for the holiday season.
