Summary: Even in the most collaborative workplaces, it’s natural to go through periods when you feel disconnected from your team. Maybe everyone’s working remotely, or priorities have shifted, or you’re just not clicking the way you used to. Whatever the reason, disconnection doesn’t have to last forever. Here’s how to reconnect with your colleagues, your purpose, and your sense of belonging.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I feel so alone these days. It reminds me of middle school, when the most popular guy in the class had a birthday party and I was one of only four not invited.
I remember pretending it didn’t matter; I didn’t really like the BSAS (Big Shot At School), or so I told everyone, and especially myself.
That lie became a way of living.
In any case, at work, I am pleasant and, I guess, you would call me a pleaser.
I go along with everyone and never make waves.
However, lately I feel like an outsider and think the team talks about me behind my back.
That makes no sense since I am well respected and get praised for my work.
I keep thinking it’s the company culture to blame.
I need you to be a mirror and let me see what part I may be playing to cause the disconnect.,
Signed,
NOT Happy
Feeling Disconnected: Is it YOU or the Work Culture?
Dear NOT Happy,
I guess we can all relate to being left out in middle and high school.
Interestingly, I have coached some of the most popular adults who share their memories from childhood when they felt alone and, yes, invisible.
There is a story Taylor Swift tells about calling various high school friends to meet at the mall. Everyone claimed to be busy, so she asked her mom to go with her. And guess what, there were the other girls, all together. Hard to believe that someone as popular and well-known as Taylor also had to endure that sense of disconnection and loneliness.
Here is some food for thought.
Start With Self-Reflection
Before assuming something’s wrong with the team dynamic, pause and check in with yourself.
Ask:
Am I feeling overwhelmed or burned out?
Have I withdrawn from social or collaborative opportunities lately?
What feels explicitly “off” — communication, motivation, inclusion, or shared goals?
Understanding your own needs helps you identify what’s missing and where to focus your energy.
Reopen Communication Channels
When you’re feeling distant, it’s tempting to pull back further. Instead, lean into communication:
Schedule a quick one-on-one with your manager or a trusted teammate.
Be honest (and constructive) about how you’re feeling.
Ask for feedback and share ideas for improving collaboration
You don’t need to frame it as a complaint — it can simply be: “I’d love to feel more connected to the team again. Can we brainstorm how to make that happen?”
Engage in Team Rituals, or Create New Ones
Connection often grows from small, consistent habits:
Join (or restart) informal rituals — virtual coffee chats, weekly standups, or end-of-week wins.
Suggest new traditions that bring people together — like a “show & tell” for projects, or short learning sessions where teammates teach something new.
Sometimes, feeling reconnected takes one shared laugh or moment of collaboration.
Collaborate on Something Meaningful
Nothing rebuilds connection like shared purpose. Volunteer to co-lead a project, contribute to cross-functional work, or help someone else meet a tight deadline. When people rely on each other, trust and camaraderie naturally follow.
If your role feels isolated, talk to your manager about opportunities to collaborate across teams. Visibility and shared goals are powerful antidotes to disconnection.
Revisit the “Why”
It’s easy to lose sight of why your work matters, especially during busy or transitional times.
Remind yourself:
How does your work support your team’s or company’s mission
The value you bring to your colleagues
The progress you’ve made so far
You might even share this reflection in a team meeting; chances are, others are feeling the same way.
If Disconnection Persists, Seek Support
If you’ve tried multiple approaches and still feel isolated, it may be time for a deeper conversation.
Talk to your manager, HR partner, or mentor about what you’re experiencing. Disconnection can sometimes signal a need for role clarity, workload balance, or even cultural improvements within the team.
It’s not a failure; it’s self-awareness, and addressing it can spark positive change for everyone.
Final Thoughts about Disconnection
Feeling disconnected at work doesn’t mean you don’t belong — it means you’re craving alignment and human connection, which are essential for any healthy team.
By opening up communication, finding shared purpose, and taking small steps toward reconnection, you can rebuild trust and engagement, one conversation at a time.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Check out “Invisible Stress: It’s NOT What YOU Think” to uncover the deeper childhood programming that became a self-fulfilling prophecy of feeling disconnected.
