Summary: The word success, like trust and love, has many definitions. It depends on your family heritage, cultural perspective, and often crises that form you to be who you are. In leadership, most equate money and power as the keys to the kingdom. Here, one man who decided to look deeper for a more robust foundation for his success.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
This question is short and to the point.
In our celebrity-obsessed culture, I wonder what your thoughts are about calling someone a success.
Signed,
Hunting for Meaning
Dear Hunting for Meaning,
Firstly, what comes to your mind when you utter the word SUCCESS?
Right now, before you read on, just say the word. Taste it, hear it, see it.
For example, does it come out of your mouth with strength and determination confused?
Success is a word that means power, glamor, and freedom to most people
For most, that power word is filled with glamour and promises of untold riches. Yet, we don’t often take the time to dissect this word. There are so many subtleties and innuendoes that come with it.
Here is a conversation I had with a very successful man. He retired a year ago as head of his own global manufacturing company.
Here, I start in the middle of the discussion, where it got very fascinating:
He: You know, Sylvia, I am worth a lot of money now. I’m not bragging; however, I no longer have to lift a finger to work hard. I have the American Dream in my back pocket.
Deciding what real success means often eludes us till we become sick or frail
Me: I’ve known you for a long time and watched you grow your organization. I’ve seen the ups and downs, and I’m glad we have this time to talk. I wonder about what matters now that you are on the other side of working 24-7.
He: I only wish I had used your advice when you were coaching me through the growth of my business. I must apologize for firing you. Now I see it was when you got too close to the core issue of what was really driving me.
Me: Amazingly, we remained friends, well, not really friends, at least cordial, after we parted ways. I felt like I had let you down. Yet, here you are, a significant success; at least, that’s how the world sees you. The straw that broke the camel’s back with us was when I couldn’t jump up and down because you purchased your 6th Corvette. Remember how you wanted to talk about that over and over?
He: Look, I love cars. I love to drive them and polish them. And it brings a smile to my lips when I see others envy me in my many-colored cars.
The myth that money is the main road to success is paved with disappointment and regrets
Me: Was the way you gained your success worth it? I really want to understand your deeper motivation and how you see yourself now. You are no longer in the daily race to win. What is it like for you?
And here is where he talked at length about that mysterious word, success. Yes, he said it was worth it to have so much money.
He could buy whatever at the drop of a hat.
There was a sense of power he also loved being asked to join boards and continue to have money roll in quickly and easily.
He liked being applauded and “bowed to” when he would speak at meetings.
And yet….. his home life had suffered. After his second divorce, he swore never to marry again. And there were still hurts and distance with his three grown children. That is why he had contacted me after so many years.
In fact, he wanted to understand why he was so angry with me many years ago when he fired me as his coach.
I am now back as a coach with Mr Successful.
Here is what he has asked me to write about for all of you to consider as you continue your path to higher-level success.
Relationships are more important than “stuff”
Real feelings can’t be bought. He told me that when I mentioned the King Midas story to him ages ago, he knew he had to run and hide from me.
King Midas wanted to be the wealthiest person in the world. He made a pact with the devil that whatever he touched would turn to gold.
And yes, that is what happened. Then one day his daughter, the lovely princess, ran to him and before he could stop her she gave him a hug, and you guessed it, she turned to a golden statue.
Stress and fear don’t go away with success
No matter how much you have in the bank it cannot make the doubts go away.
You must dig deep and uncover the core reasons why you behave the way you do.
The tendency is to pretend happiness while always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the fear is always there that some big bad wolf will huff and puff and blow your house (or houses) down till you have nothing.
Life is about searching for meaning and purpose
Unless you spend time searching inside yourself for real meaning, real values about why you are in this world, you miss the whole point.
Grab a coach or mentor who will help by asking the important questions so you can uncover the invisible forces you need to harness and refine. That is the way to build real success and leave a powerful, positive legacy.
He and I suggest you get a copy of my webinar, The Chemistry of Coaching, to examine what you need in your career and relationships. Hence, success is neither fleeting nor disappointing. Get a coach to help you uncover the blind spots and stay on course for a well-lived life of meaning.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Our Pattern Breakthrough Coaches are ready to help you find meaning in your life and continue to achieve fiscal success.
