How Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Stressful Situations

stress and confidence

Summary: here is information about different kinds of stress. The more you know, the better at stress busting you can be, especially about eustress.

Dear Dr. Sylvia,

It doesn’t seem to stop. Just as soon as I have one problem solved at work, another shows up.

Is work merely a game of “whack-a-mole?”

Also, is it just me, or is change happening faster and with more negative ramifications than in the past?

I know I sound like a victim. Sorry, that’s just how I feel.

Is eustress real or just a wish?

I am especially annoyed, actually pissed. That’s because all the goody-two-shoes out there start to brag about how they use eustress. They love to do a one-up and prove they know more than you about”good stress.”

Anyone into trivia Q and A? Here is a quick update on the history of “Little Goody Two Shoes.” It is a children’s book. Published by John Newberry in London in 1765. It represents a person who is always does everything right and follows all the rules.

That’s definitely NOT me. Therefore, Back to my personal issue.

Why can’t I see the bright side of a dark situation?

In other words, why do I always make eustress into distress rather than use it effectively?

Help please,

Negative Nellie

How stress can become confidence

Dear Negative Nellie,

Thanks for the question about stress and especially about eustress. Also, for the back story of goody-two-shoes. You don’t hear that expression these days. It has a great ring to it!

To clarify, I definitely don’t see you as a victim. If you were, you would not even ask a question about how to gain a new perspective.

You see, for me, the victim has the power to transform that pattern into an explorer. And that is what you do by asking questions to find a better way.

Emotional intelligence, stress, and confidence are related.

Now, please give me a minute to tell a story that illustrates how stress and confidence work together.

It brought to mind a time when I was in a very stressful situation that didn’t mean to be stressful.

In fact, It was meant to be fun. Trust me; it was stressful.

It was at one of the famous Tony Robbins firewalk seminars.

Here’s how it works. Firstly, you sit in a comfortable auditorium and learn the techniques to do the firewalk. So far, all good. I remember thinking, “Well, I’ll learn the techniques. However, I’m not so sure I’m going to walk on those hot coals. That’s just plain stupid.”

Then you go outside to where those hot coals wait to test your new knowledge.

Stress helps you be courageous

So, there we were, walking down several flights of stairs. As we walked, we were training our brains by repeating over and over, “We can do it. We can do it.”

I must admit, I still wasn’t sure if I could. The stress, let’s say, I could feel it mounting. And those stress hormones were charging through my body.

But it was fun. It was not!

Let me put it this way; it was a contrived stress situation.

In any case, I thought, “go with the flow,” and somehow, I got pushed toward the front of the line.

And, there I was, standing in front of the hot coals, looking up at this very tall man. “He must be about nine foot seven,” I thought, looking up at Tony Robbins. If you don’t know who he is, check him out. He’s a hugely interesting guy.

I’m just standing there, checking out the scene. Then Tony looked at me with a questioning glance. I said, “No, no, I just came to see what it’s like.”

I started to back off, but fate had other ideas in store.

Tony said, “You’re ready!”

I took a deep breath, put my hand up, and walked across the hot coals saying, “Cool moss.”

Yes, I did get to the other side, all parts intact. It was spectacular. I walked on these hot coals that were supposed to burn my feet, and I was fine. Of course, the next thing to do is, well, you celebrate.

When you overcome a challenge, it is time to CELEBRATE!

I just did something I didn’t think I could do. Furthermore, it turned out very nicely.

I remember that feeling of success and confidence even now, years later as I write this.

In fact, I did retrain my brain.

After that, I watched both my daughter Julie and my husband Herb master the hot coals.

Memories help you move from distress to eustress in the blink of an eye.

The three of us have talked about this recently. We use the memory of the firewalk to aid us when challenged with new, often difficult situations.

What helps is to conjure up that moment or realization of success. For us, that was the fact we did not burn our feet. Even now, we have a clear idea that with determination, we can do many things we once thought were impossible.

Do you have a go-to moment to help you when stress feels impossible to overcome? If not, find something to challenge you.

Here’s what I hope you think about regarding emotional intelligence, confidence, and stress.

You CAN become a stress master

There is no such thing as a stress-free life. We all know that.

So, my suggestion when it comes to taking control of stress, find a way.

To sum up, do something that will challenge you that you know will destroy you. Do something that’s stress-filled and, might I add, also be fun. Know that when you overcome an obstacle, you develop courage. And with courage comes confidence.

So, to all of you, I say have a beautiful rest of the day. And please, find a stressful situation you can master. Also, let us know about it. If it helped you, it might help someone else.

Here’s to your growth,

Sylvia

PS. Click here to join my free Stress Mastery Facebook group for more tools and tips about stress relief. There will be information there about my new book coming soon, “Invisible STRESS (It’s NOT What YOU Think!).”

PSS. Here you can enjoy the firewalk story right from my mouth to your ears.

Sylvia Lafair

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