Here’s What It Takes To Become Conflict Competent

Summary: How much time do you spend angry and upset with your colleagues, friends, or family? It’s time to learn the skills of being conflict competent. That means you have the right communication system to speak and be heard. More than that, you lead others to solutions that benefit all.

Dear Dr. Sylvia,

Everyone seems overly stressed and constantly angry right now.  

Is it the weather that can’t make up its mind?

For example, who ever heard of blizzard conditions in “sunny California?”

Furthermore, many groups of people are fighting each other and never willing to listen; it is ugly and constant.

Conflict can destroy relationships or help them grow.

In any case,  I have a question, and I need more than just an answer.

I need a solution.

I need an action plan.

Subsequently, If you can do that, I will follow you forever.

Similarly, if not, I will delete you and look elsewhere.

All things considered, are you up for the challenge?

Here’s the question.

QUESTION: Is there a common denominator for why most of us are stressed out and argumentative for much of our lives?

Above all, how can I/we become conflict competent?

I’m waiting for your answer.


Fighting Mad

Conflict is at the core of how relationships at work and home can grow or be destroyed.

Dear FM,

I’ll cut to the chase.

 ANSWER: Conflict.

That’s it. It’s either internal or external.

Nuff said.

You asked for a solution. Here it is.

Mastering conflict means learning best practices for handling stress.

SOLUTION: There are two main routes to master the conflict that always exists underneath the stress, under the situations and people that trigger you to either shout it out or stuff it down, to make you feel a sense of overwhelm, self-doubt, burnout, physical discomfort, mental frustration, emotional angst, and fractured relationships.

You MUST become conflict competent.

Here are the two best ways to lead you from being stressed out to serene.

Today there is finally a focus on mental health at work.

#1: Be self-aware. This is a must. Many experts (including me) are talking about the importance of self-awareness. Check out Daniel Goleman and his mindfulness training.

That’s the starting point to limit conflict and lessen stress.

 #2: Be Pattern Aware. It’s the newest and edgiest way to become conflict-competent and master stress. Check out my book “Invisible Stress (It’s NOT What YOU Think)” for a wholly blown discussion.

Then you can throw all those darn stress monsters in your life to the curb

CONCLUSION: Ask yourself this: How do you juggle all the demands on the home front and at work so everyone is happy and nothing crashes and burns?

The way OUT of stress and conflict is to OBSERVE, UNDERSTAND, and TRANSFORM outdated behaviors.

You MUST learn the way OUT of unnecessary conflict and excessive stress by Observing, Understanding, and then Transforming the patterns making you repeat behaviors that don’t and won’t work anymore.

You know, those knee-jerk reactions that kick in before you can even decide if it’s the best way, responses that are no longer successful and make you smack the side of your head saying, “Why’d I do THAT again?”

ACTION: My Stress Mastery online program is a companion to my book. It’s a combination of education and entertainment and opportunities for coaching to go from being conflict avoidant to conflict competent and getting your stress handled once and forever.

In conclusion, along with my co-host, Joanne LaMarca Mathisen, an Emmy Award winner from her time as Executive Producer at NBC Today with Hoda and Jenna, we have a   spectacular method to help you and your colleagues become conflict competent.

Here’s to your success,


P.S. Get Started: Take the Stress Mastery Quiz to see how stressed you are daily.

P.S.S. Fast Lane: If you’re a go-for-it type, sign up for the course now. Or email to get more information about how you, your leadership team, and your organization can take advantage of this course. The more people become conflict competent,  the better the bottom line in finances and relationships.

Creative Energy Options

Sylvia Lafair

Creative Energy Options