Summary: What keeps most leaders up at night is when conflict continuously flares up. Personalities clash, stress levels rise, and external pressures infiltrate the workplace. If you find yourself dealing with the same conflicts repeatedly, your leadership style might be contributing to the problem.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am exhausted. The conflict at work doesnt seem to stop.
Everyone is playing the blame game. Finger pointing is rampant.
It made me think of the famous quote from Indira Gandhi, former prime minister of India
“You cant shake hands with a clenched fist”
At my organization, we have many conflict resolution “experts” give us, what we call “the flavor of the day” in handling conflict.
But it seems like we get a sketchy and superficial understanding of the nature of conflict.
Thus, we move from crisis to crisis, applying Band-aid solutions.
We are not really changing or improving anything.
Please elaborate. We need help and we need to unclench our fists.
Signed,
Hand Shaker
Conflict is universal in the workplace
Dear Hand Shaker,
The world today is filled with so much divisiveness that I sometimes want to simply put a blanket over my head and stay in bed all day.
However, I am not ready to give up, not yet!
I am hopeful that Human Resource departments and Team Leaders can be the prime movers and shakers in bringing systems thinking to the forefront of the work world.
Systemic solutions will ultimately save organizations from the wasted energy of lawsuits, disengaged employees, and excessive time spent putting out fires in the gossip mill.
The hidden cost of conflict
For example, did you know that Fortune 500 HR executives spend up to one-fifth of their time dealing with litigation activities?
In fact, a full 30 percent of a typical manager’s time is spent dealing with conflict.
Research suggests that a whopping 93 percent of workers report being negatively affected by an inability to deal with conflict on the job.
At least 69 percent avoid confronting co-worker son issues of accountability.
According to The Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine, health care expenditures are about 50 percent higher for workers reporting high stress levels.
Imagine the productivity lost when energy is diverted from meaningful work to endless arguments.
There are two major types of conflict: situational and relational
Ultimately, there are two major types of conflict. One is situational and the other is relational.
Of course, all can be bundled under relational. Yet, situational conflict is easier to handle and resolve.
All in all, I always see that the core of relationship conflict stems from personal animosities and is generally destructive. It signals underlying dysfunction within the team, often surfacing when negative feedback or setbacks occur.
Let me give you an example:
Here is what happens when employees feel intimidated
Dina was always intimidated by Ted her team leader. He was a big man physically, just like her older brother. She was afraid to speak up.
It always reminded her of their fights as kids There were arguments she could never win.
Her brother would tackle her to the ground until she said “Sorry.”
Once she realized that while Ted never physically touched her, her old pattern would surface and she would play the role of the victim, one that was second nature to her.
She was addicted to saying “sorry” just to get out of a contentious meeting with him..
Work was not getting done and she was on a Performance Improvement Plan.
Finally with help from HR she was able to talk with Ted and share her fear, stating “I never feel you will listen to me. I can never win!”
Ted was shocked to hear what an ogre he was to this kind, gentle woman.
They agreed to “check in” many times during their work conversations to make sure she was comfortable with his demeanor.
Interestingly, after only a few weeks, the word “sorry” was no longer part of their communication.
Please note, Dina did not go into a long discussion about her relationship with her brother. She was finally able to simply state how feeling small and “less than” made her feel. That was enough.
As I like to say:
Work is NOT a Rehab facility!
While individuals can connect the dots of why someone “triggers” negative reactions, they do not have to share the details. One or two sentences is often more than enough.
Transforming relationship conflict takes time and is worth it
The key question for leaders is: do you let your team play the blame game, or do you focus on collective problem-solving? Allowing blame to circulate encourages animosity, while fostering a team-oriented approach helps alleviate personal conflicts.
Winning teams don’t turn on each other when things go wrong. Instead, they band together to solve the problem. Leaders must steer their teams away from finger-pointing and towards constructive solutions.
Harness task conflict for higher productivity
Contrary to popular belief, not all conflict is harmful.
Situational conflict, when managed well, can drive better decisions and innovation. Effective teams engage in healthy debates where diverse perspectives are aired.
Debates are win -lose. While dialogue within the group, contributes to finding a solution.
Leadership’s role in conflict management is vital
Your leadership style significantly impacts how conflicts play out in your team.
Do you truly foster an environment where questions and critiques are welcomed?
Or do you shut down discussions with final decisions? Leaders who encourage healthy situational conflict create a culture where innovation thrives and employees feel valued.
Which is it? A listening culture or a telling culture? Is it top down or collaborative?
The Perils of Ignoring Conflict
Ignoring conflict is not a viable strategy. Disengagement from conflict leads to a resigned acceptance of a toxic culture.
When leaders fail to address conflicts, employees become disengaged, and productivity suffers. Active involvement in resolving conflicts is crucial for maintaining a positive team culture.
Strategies for Effective Conflict Management
- Focus on Collective Solutions: Encourage team-based problem-solving instead of individual blame.
- Promote Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for team members to voice their opinions and engage in constructive debates.
- Balance Task Conflict: Ensure task conflict remains productive and doesn’t escalate into personal grudges.
- Stay Involved: Actively participate in conflict resolution, demonstrating your commitment to a healthy team dynamic.
In short, conflict is an inevitable part of any team dynamic. Yet, it doesn’t have to be destructive. Effective leaders differentiate between harmful relationship conflict and beneficial situational conflict.
Finally, by managing conflicts thoughtfully, leaders can turn challenges into opportunities for growth and innovation. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict. We know that is impossible!
Yet, helping individuals like Dina, and teams learn about their sources of “invisible stress” they can channel their communication towards building a stronger, more cohesive team.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
