Summary: In every social circle, workplace, or family, there often exists a “drama king” or “drama queen”—those individuals who seem to attract or even thrive on conflict and tension. While their behavior can be frustrating and exhausting for those around them, there’s a silver lining: with the right approach, drama kings and queens can channel their energy into creating harmonious, positive relationships. Learn how to make that transformation and how these individuals can use their dramatic flair for the better.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I just got a talking to by my team leader.
She said that while I am smart and often fun to work with, I have a fatal flaw.
My flaw is my tendency to dramatize what is happening in the team relationships.
Self growth Requires We Look at Our Fatal Flaws
She wants me to take a course about being more self aware.
In my defense, I think she is exaggerating. I do like to use bold and often “racy” language to make a point or two in meetings.
Other than that I see myself as a team player.
In any case, what do you suggest?
Signed,
Loud and in charge
Understand the Drama King/Queen Mentality
Dear Loud and in charge,
Before diving into solutions, it’s essential to understand what drives drama kings and queens. Often, their behavior stems from a need for attention, validation, or control. Here is my story:
I have been labeled a drama queen.
Here is what I realized as I did some mirror looking with my coach many years ago.
As the younger of two children, my older brother told me he was “large and in charge.”
My parents apparently agreed that he was the “big man on the family campus.”
I learned pretty early, the only way to be heard was to have a “hissy fit.”
Not just a mild tantrum, an academy award winning one.
I took this behavior into my work setting.
I was told to “tune it down” or I would be fired.
It took time to stop seeing everyone who disagreed with me like my strong confident older brother.
I finally learned to transform the drama responses into great storytelling.
The drama king/queen transformed can become a super good story teller to get their points across.
Think of it this way: the adrenaline used to be a drama person still fuels a story.
That way you can get your point across and still be seen as a great team player.
They might feel unheard or unimportant, so they create situations that force others to notice them. Recognizing this underlying need is the first step in turning negativity into positivity.
There is more about this in my book “Don’t Bring It to Work” that will help you transform an outdated, ingrained pattern to one that makes a difference at work and at home.
Embrace Self-Awareness
For a drama king or queen, self-awareness is the cornerstone of change. It involves recognizing when you’re being dramatic and understanding why. Ask yourself:
- What am I hoping to achieve with this behavior?
- How is this affecting my relationships?
- Is there a more constructive way to express my feelings?
There is Power in Healthy Communication
Drama kings and queens often communicate in ways that escalate tension rather than resolve it. Learning effective communication skills can make a significant difference. Here are some tips:
- Practice Active Listening: Instead of dominating conversations, focus on truly hearing what others are saying. This helps build empathy and understanding.
- Express Yourself Clearly: Avoid exaggeration or manipulation. Be direct and honest about your feelings without resorting to theatrics.
- Seek Resolution, Not Conflict: Approach disagreements with the goal of finding a solution, not just winning the argument.
Transform Energy into Positivity
Drama kings and queens have a natural ability to captivate attention—why not use that talent for good? By channeling your energy into positive actions, you can shift the dynamics of your relationships:
- Become a Peacemaker: Use your influence to mediate conflicts rather than create them. Help others see different perspectives and guide them toward resolution.
- Engage in Creative Outlets: Drama often stems from a need to express oneself. Find healthy, creative ways to do so, whether through art, writing, or performance.
- Be a Source of Support: Turn your attention-seeking behavior into a force for good by being there for others in their times of need.
Build Harmonious Relationships
Ultimately, the goal is to foster relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Here’s how:
- Set Boundaries: Recognize when your behavior might be crossing a line and learn to respect the boundaries of others.
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positives in your relationships. Regularly express appreciation for those around you.
- Commit to Growth: Understand that change is a process. Stay committed to improving your behavior and building stronger, healthier relationships.
Turn a negative, annoying relationship into harmony
In conclusion, Changing behavior requires a willingness to reflect, communicate effectively, and channel energy positively. By embracing these changes you bring positive energy to the forefront. Not only can you transform your relationships, but you can also become a catalyst for harmony in any environment.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. We all have patterns from childhood that lurk in the corners of our minds. They show up when stress hits the hot button. Let me know how you have transformed an old behavior pattern that no longer serves you.
PSS. Want a copy of the 13 most common patterns from childhood and their healthy opposite? Email me at [email protected]
