Summary: Do you ever sidestep discomfort, avoiding situations that unsettle you? Yet, these moments—your emotional triggers—are key to profound self-discovery and growth. By confronting and understanding your triggers, you can transform them from sources of distress into valuable teachers.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Yesterday, at my semi-annual review with my boss, he told me, and I quote precisely,” At times, you are overbearing.” I could feel my blood pressure rise. He continued, ” And when you tell someone on your team in a highly critical and intimidating way they did not perform to your expectation, they end up going to HR and complaining. You need to look at your behavior, too.”
Then he said, “I suggest you find a coach. Learn a better way to get your point across when you want and need change from your colleagues.”
It was that word “overbearing” that got me super upset. It is the word my siblings used to describe me when we were growing up. Really, all I wanted was to be heard. They were older and would not listen to me, making me feel invisible.
Therefore, I used to shout louder and over-explain. I would become bossy to prove my point. Yup, I guess I was absolutely overbearing.
Can you please be my coach or suggest someone to help me? In the meantime, I would appreciate hearing any advice you can offer.
Signed,
Needs Help
Dear Needs Help,
Please stay stonrg. We all need help to transform ingrained albeit out dated behavior patterns.
See this is a gift not a punishment.
Firstly, I’d like to help you with the basics of being, as you say, overbearing. This is often part of the persecutor or bully-boss pattern.
Then I would love you to watch one of the best trilogies thanks to Steven Spielberg that underlines the need to be in charge of your triggers so they cannot be destructive to you or anyone else.
Understanding Emotional Triggers
Emotional triggers are stimuli—be it situations, words, or memories—that evoke intense emotional reactions within us. These responses often stem from unresolved past experiences or ingrained patterns developed over time.
Steps to Harness Triggers for Growth
- Pause and IdentifyWhen you feel a surge of emotion, take a moment to pause. Acknowledge the emotion without judgment. Is it anger, sadness, or fear? This act of labeling shifts your mindset from reactive to reflective. As Dr. Ilene S. Cohen suggests, pausing allows us to notice our feelings and move from reactive to reflective thinking. psychologytoday.com
- Breathe and count. The 7-7-7-7 method I teach can be particularly effective. Breathe in to the count of 7, hold your breath while you count to 7, and then release while you count to 7. Finally, simply hold still while you count to 7. Do this 7 times in a row to be effective.
- Trace the Pattern Reflect on past instances where you’ve felt similar emotions. Identifying recurring patterns can provide insight into unresolved issues or habitual responses. Understanding these origins brings clarity and a sense of control.
- Shift Your Perspective Challenge the initial narrative your mind presents. Ask yourself if there’s another way to view the situation. This reframing can reduce the emotional charge and open pathways to constructive responses.
- Seek Support Engaging with a therapist or coach can offer guidance in uncovering the roots of your triggers and processing the associated emotions. Professional support provides tools and strategies tailored to your unique experiences.
The Role of Patterns in Triggers
Our emotional responses are often influenced by patterns established in our formative years. Family dynamics, cultural backgrounds, and personal experiences shape how we react to various stimuli.
Examining these patterns, we can discern which reactions serve us and hinder our growth. This awareness empowers us to consciously choose responses aligned with our present selves rather than outdated scripts.
The Power of Triggers: How Back to the Future Shows Us the Way to Change
Triggers are powerful. They can set off an emotional reaction rooted in the past, often without us realizing it. Sometimes, they keep us stuck in the same cycle, repeating mistakes over and over. But what if we could use them to break free?
The Back to the Future trilogy isn’t just a fun time-travel adventure—it’s a brilliant exploration of how unresolved patterns from the past shape our future. Marty McFly, Doc Brown, and even Biff Tannen illustrate how triggers can either keep us trapped or propel us toward transformation. If we’re willing to face the past, we can change the present—and create a better future.
Marty McFly: Breaking the Pattern of Reactivity
Marty McFly has a major trigger: he can’t stand being called “chicken.” Every time someone questions his courage, he reacts impulsively—often to his own detriment.
This one trigger gets him into trouble in all three films. Whether it’s a reckless drag race (Back to the Future Part II), a foolish duel (Part III), or even losing out on a promising future (Part I), Marty’s pattern is clear: he lets external pressure dictate his actions.
But here’s the lesson: recognizing a trigger is the first step to overcoming it.
By the end of Back to the Future Part III, Marty finally resists the urge to react. When Needles, a future rival, tries to bait him into a race, Marty pauses. He sees what’s about to happen—how it will lead to disaster—and makes a different choice.
Thus, by doing so, he alters his future. What was once a fixed outcome (getting into an accident and sabotaging his career) is now rewritten.
🔹 Real-Life Lesson: Triggers are invitations to break old patterns. The moment we recognize them, we have a choice: react as we always have or take a different path.
George McFly: From Victim to Victor
Marty’s father, George McFly, is another example of someone stuck in a loop. In 1955, he’s timid, bullied by Biff, and lacks self-confidence. His belief system is shaped by fear—he assumes he’s not meant to succeed.
However, when Marty travels back in time, he disrupts this cycle.
He helps George see his potential, encouraging him to stand up for himself. The pivotal moment? George punches Biff. Suddenly, his future shifts. By rewriting his past behavior, he transforms from a timid pushover to a successful, confident man in 1985.
🔹 Real-Life Lesson: The patterns we inherit or accept can be changed. Sometimes, we need a wake-up call—a trigger—to help us see that we’re capable of more than we believe.
Biff Tannen: The Unchanged Bully
Biff Tannen serves as a contrast to Marty and George. He never evolves. Whether it’s 1955, 1985, or even a dystopian alternate timeline, Biff remains a bully. His trigger? Power. Every time he gains an advantage (like the Sports Almanac in Back to the Future Part II), he doubles down on his worst traits. He never questions his behavior, and because of that, he remains stuck in the same pattern.
🔹 Real-Life Lesson: If we refuse to reflect on our actions, we become prisoners of our own past. Biff is a warning: without self-awareness, history repeats itself.
Doc Brown: The Wisdom of Change
Doc Brown provides the greatest lesson in self-awareness. He learns from his mistakes, adapts, and embraces change.
Initially, he believes time shouldn’t be altered. But by Part III, he realizes that small, intentional changes can create a better future. His final message to Marty—“Your future hasn’t been written yet. No one’s has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one.”—is a powerful reminder that the past does not bind us.
🔹 Real-Life Lesson: We have the power to rewrite our story. With self-awareness and intention, we can shape our future in ways we never imagined.
Conclusion: The Choice to Transform
Back to the Future isn’t just about time travel; it’s about pattern-breaking. It shows us that:
- Triggers reveal where we’re stuck (Marty’s need to prove himself).
- Change is possible when we face our fears (George’s transformation).
- Ignoring lessons keeps us in a cycle (Biff’s downfall).
- Self-awareness allows us to evolve (Doc’s wisdom).
The next time you feel a strong emotional reaction to something, pause and ask yourself: Is this a chance to break a pattern? Like Marty, you might just find that the future is yours to shape.
🚀 So, what’s one trigger you’re ready to rewrite? Let’s create a future that’s bold, fearless, and free from old patterns.
🔹 Real-Life Lesson: If we refuse to reflect on our actions, we become prisoners of our own past. Biff is a warning: without self-awareness, history repeats itself.
Viewing triggers through a lens of curiosity rather than avoidance transforms them into opportunities for growth.
In conclusion, each trigger becomes a mirror, reflecting areas within ourselves that seek attention and healing. We move towards greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and authentic living by embracing this perspectiveg.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Please check out www.ceoptions.com for articles, books, and webinars that will help you increase your ability to change outdated patterns for better relationships at home and work. Better yet, contact us at [email protected] and let me or one of our coaches help you with a complimentary discussion to find your specific trigger pattern to transform.
