Patterns Archives | CEOptions

Time to Evict the Mind Monsters

Sylvia Lafair
February 19, 2020

What are those whispered words that haunt you even when no one is talking? These words show up at the most annoying times. They’re the ones that live in your head, like uninvited guests you can’t get rid of.

Each of you, yes, you, and you, and you, have certain phrases that are stuck. And no matter what you do, they just won’t go away.

Which phrases resonate with you?
You really aren’t that smart
No one thinks you are good looking
You better shut your mouth right now
You better make us proud
Who do you really think you are
You’re not fooling anyone, just zip it and do your job

Do you get depressed, anxious, frustrated, confused when you hear those voices reminding you of your past failures, mistakes, wrong moves? Do these voices in your head fill you with self- doubt? Do they make you feel like an imposter (even if you are heading a prestigious team)? Do you question your leadership skills? Are you filled with stress, staying up at night second guessing yourself?

If none of this applies to you, that’s great. You can stop reading and do something fun. However, for the rest of you, including me, stay tuned.

That poor battered inner child lives in each of us. And no, you don’t have to spend years and years in therapy to make the kid inside dance and sing.

Here is the way OUT:

Observe where you get stuck and who drives you to the brink
Understand who was the culprit in your past
Transform those annoying patterns from the past

Look, the behaviors you used as a defense against being told you were not good enough were there as survival mechanisms. They worked, didn’t they? You know they worked, cause, after all you’re still here.

YET, now those ways of responding are more harmful than helpful. Do you still avoid, deny, procrastinate, please, rebel?

There’s a better way.

Here’s a choice. You can read my award – winning book Don’t Bring It To Work or you can sign up for a career assessment session to help you figure out the next steps. Either way you will get help to tame that voice inside. Look it helped you survive but it won’t help you thrive.

Memories can haunt you if they are not tended to. Live your best life possible by saying “they will stop with me” and start finding a new and better way of responding today and into the future.

To your success,

Sylvia

How Super Achievers Can Listen to Themselves and Others

Sylvia Lafair
February 11, 2020

Before super achievers can listen to themselves or others, they need to know how they got to be so exhausting, annoying, and demanding in the first place.

Here’s how the super-achiever pattern was addressed with a new coaching client, Dan, a Senior VP in a large marketing company that offers leadership development courses for senior executives.

He said this about himself, which much initial pride, “Hey, I always have to be front and center. I must get my way, or I become vindictive. I love applause and attention. And, just between the two of us, I deserve all the adulation.

However, I have lots of backstabbers on my team and a few nut cases who want to ‘take me down.’ They say all I do is talk about how great I am and how I make the best decisions and how glad they should be that I have them on my team.

BIG QUESTION: How did I ever become someone who needs everyone to think I’m great?

BIGGEST QUESTION: Is there a better way to be, at work and at home?

My Response: Dan and I were on zoom, and while he initially looked relaxed, the minute he talked about his team and the underlying concerns, he became tense and agitated.

BIG QUESTION was answered. He admitted, after some focused discussion, that he was programmed to be first in everything since he was a kid. His older brother was a mediocre student who started to ‘mess with drugs’ in middle school and by college, was a full-blown addict.

The family was financially successful, yet, emotionally bankrupt. Filled with deniers they would never admit there was an addict in the family. They just kept looking the other way,

And then, Dan began to explore what was really driving his behavior.

He was a senior in high school; his brother was going into his junior year in college and the bottom dropped out of the family. His brother over-dosed and died the day fall classes were to start.

Dan saw the pain at home (even though it was denied) and decided he would make up for all the sadness by becoming great, maybe even more than great, he would become the best.

Dan admitted that the word successful mattered more to him than the word happy.

He began to see where the determination came from to be best.

THE BIGGEST QUESTION took time for Dan to grapple with. He is in the process of learning the most appropriate ways to move from super-achiever to creative collaborator.

Now, he is revamping his life choices so that he doesn’t burn out and become an isolated man whose only friend is his mirror where he can look at himself and talk about what a great job he is doing.

He is looking at the fact that the attainment of wealth, position, and even fame can be included in his life purpose which now centers around having a team of high performers who also work well together.

He is on his way to a more complete and healthier life, personally and professionally. He’s crafting more honest sentences so when he talks, he doesn’t sound like an annoying braggart. He now uses ‘we’ and ‘us’ and less of ‘I.” More on the super-achiever can be found in Don’t Bring It To Work .

Take a few moments to watch this short video here to help you better understand the super achiever:

CONCLUSION: If you are, live with, or work with a super achiever, first, know that there is a level of sadness, anger, or embarrassment underneath the glitz and glitter of being on top of the heap.

You don’t need to know the details, just know that there is some anxiety and upset that leads to the obsession of being best.

The way to get super-achievers to listen, is first, to acknowledge their abilities. Yes, tell them they are good or even great at what they do. Then ask them how you can support them. The word ‘support’ is key here. They can still be best, at least for now, as you help to design the strategy for collaboration.

Use the words ‘we’ and ‘us’ over and over. It’s a way of relating that takes time when with a super achiever. It is doable!

Once super achievers learn to include others, they gain entrance into a more rewarding world of heightened creativity and you can all join each other in that fabulous state described as ‘flow.’

To your continued growth,

Sylvia

Goals, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns

Time for New Resolutions

Sylvia Lafair
December 30, 2019

It’s that time for new resolutions. Right? You know, the ones that usually become old in a week and absolutely stale by the end of the month.

“Change,” I hear you say, “change is tough.” And it is.

EXCEPT

There is one new resolution you can make that will reap tons and tons of rewards.

It’s about practicing change before you must change.

This should be in the curriculum at school starting in middle school. But, it’s not. No one teaches this. Most of us just get into a sticky situation, and change comes at us like a fire snorting dragon.

EXCEPT

Once you practice change by taking a risk, you become more confident, more focused, and yes, the next change gets easier.

Here is the practice part of change:

Pick a time to be quiet and plan.

Pick something you want to change.

Make it something that doesn’t make you freeze in place.

Paint the scene, in your mind, of what will happen if you do something differently.

Write it down.

Now you are ready to make new resolutions that stick. Take the risk (come on, it’s just a small risk.) And, you only must do it once, not like losing weight that is an everyday affair.

Here are a few examples of new resolutions from some of my clients:

Tom, the perennial under-achiever, would always talk last in business meetings. He finally made the conscious decision to take just one risk, to speak up first and not hold back. Yes, for someone who always had to make sure he didn’t rock the boat, speaking up first was a challenge. Just this small change boosted his confidence and he soon found himself moving from being an avoider to becoming the initiator of discussions.

Connie was constantly over-thinking what she could and should say to her boss when the demands were piling up. Her risk was to move from pleaser to truth-teller. She agreed to do this once, just once to see what would happen. Of course, you guessed that when she told her “the Devil Wears Prada” bully boss “No” to a new project and the reasons why their relationship became more relaxed and cooperative.

Tammy was known as the office rebel. Yet, deep inside she was filled with self-doubt. There was always worry that others would think she was just a pain in the butt troublemaker. So, when she made the decision to take that one risk and call a meeting to look at the company issues about diversity, she was, in her words, “numb with fear.” One risk changed her life. She now has colleagues to collaborate with and, as a group, they are working together for positive change.

Now, it’s your turn to start making your new resolutions.

What is one risk you are willing to take? Write it down. Talk to a friend about it. Visualize what can happen once you take that deep breath and then even a mini step will move you towards more ease and joy.

One small risk at a time.

The confidence, energy, focus, motivation, ease and joy you are searching for is right here, right now as you move past the patterns that have kept you stuck especially when making new resolutions.

Conflict Resolutions, Growth, Patterns

Letting Go of Behavior Patterns That We Developed During Childhood

Sylvia Lafair
December 17, 2019
behavior patterns, Communication, conflict resolution, Patterns

Hi everyone!

I hope you’re having a glorious day even though everything seems overwhelmed and rushed, and we can’t move fast enough, and we can’t please everybody but nonetheless we just keep persevering, right? Except, sometimes we feel submissive compliant filled with self-doubt, create self-sabotage.

Those days, everybody does it and what happens is, it gets worse and worse during holidays and celebrations, because we have these mental images about the way things should be, and when the moments of life come in, and we can’t get everything done the way we want.

Well, we do a couple of things: one is, many of us go into the victim mode. It’s my fault, I can’t do it right, it’s not good enough, it’s never good enough.

So, what do we do about all this?

If you feel overwhelmed and have a lot of self-doubt, I have three suggestions for you now.

This is only the beginning, because what happens is, a lot of this started when we were kids, and you couldn’t meet your parents expectations or your teachers expectations or even your friends expectations.

So, you began to say something wrong with me. We don’t put it out there. We say, there’s something wrong with me. So, if you were judged as a kid, it shows up in these moments of overwhelm as a grownup.

What to do about it?

Well, number one is, stop complaining but life is unfair. It’s not meant to be fair. It’s not here to coddle you. It’s here to challenge you, and it’s here to help you grow an experience.

So, if life is unfair and you feel you’re judged, stop complaining and look for solutions. It’s interesting because the victim in the patterns that I work with, becomes the bluer and here’s where I learned about this. In the native cultures when you go before the tribe, the tribunal, if you will and you have a problem and you’re upset about something, they will not listen unless you come in with three, one, two, three solutions. Three different solutions to the problem.

So that’s one of the things you can do now. Stop complaining and look for solutions.

Good idea takes a little time. Sit quietly and do it.

The next thing you need to do, whoops… I have to look at my notes for a minute… is, stop saying it’s all my fault. Sure, some of, it’s your fault. That’s fine. Some of, it’s everybody’s fault, but it’s not all your fault. So, what you need to do is, be accountable for your poet in it. Speak it. Say it. Bring it out. Don’t sit with it. Don’t put the pillow over your head and begin to whine and moan.

Simply acknowledge. Yep, this is the part I played. This is what I’m doing and the third thing, which I’ve said over and over is, please remember to prioritize and in prioritizing, know that this
sentence has helped so many people including me.

Remember, no is a complete sentence. You can say no. You don’t have to defend, explain or justify. You simply say no. I can’t do this right now. No, I have to fill in the blank. I have to go take a bath. I have to go get my hair done. I have to go read a book.
I have to go sit quietly and have a cup of tea whatever it is, but if you follow these three rules and really begin to let them sink in, they will begin to change the patterns and the way your brain processes things, and your mindset will begin to change.

So, have beautiful times at all holidays and all celebrations and remember things do escalate them. So, take a deep breath and find a way to have fun with it and have a beautiful rest of the day.

Thank you so much.

Oh wait a minute. Before I go, one more thing as a gift to yourself for this holiday time, why don’t you consider getting. Don’t bring it to work. I have all the 13 patterns in there that you can look at in detail to see where each one came from. We’re talking about the victim right now, but there’s also the martyr. There’s also the bully, the procrastinator.

They’re all these patterns that we’ve developed, that we need to let go of. So, a gift to yourself or someone else. Don’t bring it to work.

Thank you so much. Happy days.

Growth, Gutsy, Managing Stress, Patterns, Stress, Success

How to get yourself out of overwhelm

Sylvia Lafair
December 11, 2019

How to get yourself out of overwhelm seems to be a recurring theme right now. One of my clients put it this way “I came home from work and kicked the dog.”

Then, at least 7 other clients texted me this week with concerns that were variations on the ‘kick the dog’ theme. They were all about the conundrum (what a funny word), the confusing and difficult problem that seems to be number 1 right now.

Here’s what Jen wrote, “Hey Sylvia, I had a rotten day at work. Nothing seemed to jell. My report was shot down by my boss, my favorite co-worker is out for 6 weeks with a broken leg from a crazy accident, and I had to cancel a business trip to my favorite city (I was going to stay for an extra day and just wander around Paris). Then I got home, and the dog peed on the new carpet, my kid has a test end of the week and he has no idea what the teacher is talking about, and my husband is out of town all week.

I must say, I was rather nasty and yelled at my kid, the dog, and my husband all within about 10 minutes.

The big question is: why don’t problems stay in their own little boxes?

The ones from work seem to bleed into family time and the annoyances from family seem to spill out at work.

I can’t compartmentalize!!!!!

Is this a woman thing? Or does it happen to men too?

So, help, please.”

The other 6 texts were from both men and women. So, yes, both males and females are having a hard time getting out of the overwhelm of too much to do, not doing it right, and getting angry at everyone at once.

Can this problem be solved?

Yes.

While disappointment and frustration won’t go away (so sorry about that), what can be done is to get yourself out of the overwhelm and find your own personal way of not letting your emotions get the best of you.

Let’s start with 3 questions:

Are you aware of what pushes your buttons at work? At home?
Can you recover quickly when you get triggered, upset, or stressed?
Have you done personal work to stop the mad or sad feelings from spilling over?

My point to all my clients, from Corporate CEO’s to Entrepreneurs is this: Your upsets will bleed from family to work and vice versa, unless and until you put the flashlight on YOU, and figure out how to express what you are feeling in ways that don’t disrupt or destroy relationships.

If you, like so many these days, are emotionally exhausted and are getting ready to ‘kick the dog’ it’s time to do something in real-time.

If you are failing to meet deadlines, feel hopeless or helpless, have decreased motivation, feel stuck and trapped then make a move in a new direction.

Help is here.

I suggest you do a pattern breakthrough strategy call (its free) to get some clear direction CLICK HERE to schedule yours.

Think of it this way. If you don’t do something now, you will come home from work, day after day and kick the dog. You will never know how to get yourself out of overwhelm. It will become a habit for emotional release. The habit becomes a pattern. Then if the dog is not there whoever is closest will get the brunt of your upset.

Not good.

Yet, if you fix the problem of how to get yourself out of overwhelm and you handle getting triggered, you will oversee what happens next. You’ll be in charge, not at the mercy of your emotions.

Don’t let the months and years go by without finding a new way out of upset and not knowing how to get yourself out of overwhelm.

You don’t want to look back with regret. Do you? Book your pattern breakthrough call.

Change, Coaching, Patterns

From Mad to Glad

Sylvia Lafair
December 3, 2019
behavior change, behavior patterns, mad to glad

So, let me ask you? What do you do when you get so foot-stomping angry, that were pounding your handle in a desk, that you just say: ‘They’re driving me crazy! He’s driving me crazy! She’s driving me crazy! They’re driving me crazy! What do you do? Well, let me tell you, there is an ark that you have to go to get to glad.

So, you can start with mad, and what you, do is take a deep five second breath, take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds let it out and say, ‘Where else have I had this feeling in my life?’ Just check it it’s somewhere else. Someone else and then you can begin to look at the relationship that you have in front of you. Usually, when we get really angry and here’s the clue. If it lasts more than five seconds, you better look back. Look elsewhere to find out what’s going on.

Now, from mad, you can go to side and inside. You can begin to look at how you and the other person or people are relating. Jot it down.

We know that journaling makes a difference. We know it’s good for a healthy heart. We know that already there’s research about it. So, go and jot down all the things that make you sad, not mad.

The mad is going to get in the way. What makes you sad? What I can’t the relationship work? Why aren’t they listening to me? What’s in the way of success in this? Why can’t my four-year-old just go to bed and be quiet? Why can’t my teenagers stop eating all the sugar stuff? Even though, I keep telling her it’s poison, poison, poison? Why doesn’t my husband ever do the dishes? You know it all. Why does my boss always ask me for things at the last minute? Why does my colleague always beg me to come over and help with her computer mess? Why?

You can go to side and what you do is look at the other person and begin to construct a sentence. Two sentences, three sentences and I’ve been giving you this in little clues over the weeks, but the words I wonder and I’m curious. They’re magic words. They take us back to our childhood where we were wondering, where we were curious. Are you still wondering and curious the minute you ask that of someone else? It kind of connects you at a different level. Oh! They don’t want to yell and scream at me. They just want to know something and the relationship can begin to develop now.

That’s just a beginning in my program, ‘The Gutsy Women’, women program. You’re going to get all the tools you need to be able to learn communication skills, but what I’m doing now? I have a pre-christmas gift for you. So, going from mad, take a breath, go to sad. Begin to look at the other person. Ask questions and then you can go to glad because you’ll be able to resolve conflicts that much easier.

Now, back to my gift for today. I would like to send to those of you who really would like it. The gift of my ebook, ’79 Power Sentences’ It’s really a great way to give you kind of a product. Have these words in your mind when you begin to speak. When you’re ready to have a conversation. When you can get from mad to sad to glad. It’s a great process to learn, so that you don’t waste all that energy.

We know that anger. We know that anger has impact on us physically. We know sadness does. I’m giving you some tools here, so that we can bypass some of these stages of upsets and not have to depend on something else outside of us, pills or not talking to somebody for the rest of your life.

All of that stuff doesn’t work. What works is to figure out where it comes from. Why the other person is involved with you. What to do about it and then have a conversation. Yes, a conversation. I promise it will make a difference. You will begin to see people differently. So, that’s it for today.

My gift, ’79 Power Sentences’.

I did a lot of research on it it’s kind of an interesting short ebook, but I believe it will help you. So, if you are interested, email me. Let me know. I’d love to send it as a pre-christmas gift, pre-Hanukkah gift, pre-happy gift, free everything gift to all of you out there.

Thanks ladies. Talk soon.

Growth, Patterns

Thanksgiving Dinner Game

Sylvia Lafair
November 25, 2019
Patterns, Thanksgiving, thanksgiving dinner, thanksgiving games

There’s a great game…

Whoops! All right, I got it all set now.

There’s a great game that you can play at Thanksgiving dinner. It’s called, “Connect the dots.” So, here’s how it works: Sit there and as you listen to people, think about who do they remind you of… there’s your uncle sitting there. Bragging about how wonderful he is, how great he is and you think to yourself, got that sounds just like my boss at work. He’s always telling us how wonderful he is and how he does everything better than anybody else, and then you look over, and there’s your sister who’s sitting there, sulking and whining and complaining that nobody ever pays attention to her, and boy you remember that, from all the years you were growing up, and how she was jealous of you, and you think about the woman at work, who sits in the desk next to yours is who’s always complaining and whining and saying everybody’s better than she is.

Well, I want you to begin to see that patterns that you learned in your original organization. The family show up in your present organization at work and the Thanksgiving dinner table sitting there. It’s very similar to being at a conference table at work, and once you get that connection, once you connect those dots, you are in a great position to grow and learn and be promoted, and be able to be more helpful to yourself and everybody else, and Thanksgiving is a perfect time for that, because you’re held captive for a certain number of hours. Even if everybody wants to run and watch football, you’re still sitting at the dinner table at one point, and it really is like the conference table.

So, pay attention and see your behavior in this. Connect your dots. Are you an avoider who likes to sit back and kind of just observe and not be part of it? Are you the super achiever who’s always saying, “Me, me, me? I’m the best improving it.” Are you the procrastinator who says,”Oh, I’m so sorry, I meant to bring the pie or the stuffing or whatever and I feel terrible about it, but I just didn’t have the time,” which is always nonsense, but that’s what procrastinators do. Are you the rebel who no matter what somebody says, you always want to say something different and prove a point and start an argument?

Pay attention, because the patterns we learned in our original organization will always show up ’til we learn how to transform them. In my book, “Don’t Bring It to Work”, breaking the family patterns that limit success, I talked about the Thanksgiving being an incredible time to really learn about yourself. Relationships are probably the best teacher on the planet, and it’s time to grow and become even a better part of who you are. Kind of stand on your own shoulders, and Thanksgiving is a great time to do that.

So, let me know what the pattern is that showed up for you at work or the patterns of some of the other people there, and the other thing I’d like you to suggest to you, is to be able to ask questions, and I’m going to give you the words that really help open up a conversation. Say, “I’m curious or I wonder.” Those two words, I’m curious or I wonder, and then putting in the rest of the sentence makes a difference. People want to be heard they
want to be appreciated, and you’d be surprised how much it means to them to listen to you and begin to respond.

So, use Thanksgiving as a great time to grow and become the best you can be.

So, enjoy it, whether you’re eating turkey or tofu or our favorite, which is now cauliflower, anything and have a great time and enjoy the day.

Thank you for your time. Go for it.

Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Success

Are You Ready to Stop Self-Sabotaging?

Sylvia Lafair
October 8, 2019

I have received a rash of emails from women executives who are being plagued with self-doubt and a non-stop inner critic telling them “You fool, stop pretending. Business is never going to change.”

Does doubt keep you awake at night? Does that self-sabotaging voice get louder as the night becomes quieter? Do you know deep inside that you are destined for a more fulfilling work-life that just won’t ever happen?

Too many women are giving up and leaving great opportunities at work because they are self-sabotaging. There are such frustration and disappointment, and the results are to replay the old way: be passive and placating.

Here are the big questions: “How can that damn voice be tamed? What do I need to do to be fearless? What is the cost of being authentic?

Here is my response to all the ambitious, determined, creative women who are just getting tired waiting for the world to catch up with them and who are running out of patience, running on empty and still stuck in a cycle of self-sabotaging.

First, never give up!!!!

OK, I’ve been told: “That sounds good. Superficial and meaningless. If that’s all you can offer, you may as well stop right here.

Wait a second. There really is more.

WE MUST LOOK BACK BEFORE WE CAN BUILD FOR THE FUTURE.

What has been lost, trampled on, ignored, or avoided in your HERstory?

Here is the exercise that has helped thousands of women begin the journey to be fearless, authentic, stand out, be clear and ready to take on the world.

From my book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change (pages 9-13)

My client Kathy is typical of many modern women. She is well educated and knows how to be politically correct in today’s highly competitive business world. She can be direct and clear, commanding attention most of the time. She can lead a team to success and gain the respect of her direct reports.

Yet, there is a heavy steel door that appears almost impossible to open. It is about pushing past a mind-set that is generations old. One that still labels and demands females to be nice, appropriate, and domesticated so they do not get a reputation as a bitch!

Here is what Kathy did to see how deeply her mindset had been set when she was still a little girl.

I had her buy 3 children’s books, books that are for and about little girls.

Now it’s your turn. Browse Google to find 3 books that will help you figure out where you personally got stuck. Here are some hints: Did you read these as a kid? Cinderella, Snow White, Nancy Drew, Eloise, Fancy Nancy, Olivia. Find 3 and like an anthropologist read them to see how they helped you become socialized.

Yes, what you read did impact you. Yes, it did.

Then answer the following questions:

Little girls should always ____________________
Good little girls would never _________________
You should never associate with girls who ________
Girls who are popular because they _____________
The perfect life includes _____________________

Want to do a real deep dive into the role culture plays in your present mindset? Contact me and one of our coaches will lead you through what needs to be changed so you don’t get trapped with outdated ideas.

AND men…..give the gift that will give back to you in positive ways. Buy your favorite ladies a copy of GUTSY.

Conflict Resolutions, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Success

Is being a leader a good idea?

Sylvia Lafair
June 12, 2019

Have you ever wondered if being a leader is such a good idea? Or, if you are in a strong leadership position, have you ever wondered if you made the right choice.

Leadership sounds so great. However, it’s not the ‘piece of cake’ so many people think it is.

Recently I got an email from one of the graduates from our Total Leadership Connections Program who had a seemingly perfect promotion as the COO of a major company. All was good during the honeymoon phase and recently all hell has broken out.

“Sylvia, I made a dreadful mistake…

This job is high profile and pays well. However, I am now learning it’s like living in a hornet’s nest. There is more in-fighting going on and office politics than I ever expected.

Damn!

Instead of being able to step into the role of a leader, my life has morphed into simply being both the fire marshal and the fireman.

Every day there is scorched earth because of the backstabbing and nastiness. I didn’t know the person I replaced had left so much negativity and nastiness behind for me to clean up.

I don’t know if I can handle this crap.

My wife said I am sullen and introspective all the time and even the kids are asking why daddy is always in a bad mood.

I know we learned a ton about how teams operate when I was in TLC and that has helped. However, it’s the day in and day out fires that have me annoyed and frustrated. Question: How long will it take till I have a team of people who can collaborate and create together without the turmoil.

HELP!!!.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Dan

Here was my reply to this very capable and competent leader:

Dear Dan,

You are expressing the thoughts of so many leaders who must use the ‘ROTO-ROOTER’ method to clean out the ‘stuck plumbing.’

We can go into the details of office politics later.

For now, I really want you to take a really deep breath and think about the core of what it means to be a leader. You can’t address the specifics until you rethink your personal mission statement and why you were so excited about taking this job in the first place, money, and prestige aside.

I hope you find this helpful.

Leading is not for the faint of heart. Leaders live dangerously, all the time. Frankly, it’s something you just need to get used to. Yes, it’s romantic and dramatic and exciting to be a leader. You are looked up to at work, in the community and hopefully at home also.

Leading can be inspirational and you can have a major impact on the lives of those who work with and for you. You can help to build fortunes and increase the bottom line.

Now, onto risk assessment.

You can and will take risks that may even jeopardize your career and impact your personal life. This is a tough place to be when most of us have been taught not to rock the boat.

Leaders need to learn how to meet resistance while disrupting the status quo. For, I promise you, there will be resistance to change. And when the resistance comes most leaders will revert to playing it safe and the old way.

I can tell you that as you sort through the office politics mess and decide you are ready to take the risk to plunge in and make the changes, you may get burned while attempting to put out the fires.

I want to suggest that there are ways to make a difference, strategies that can help with the turnaround.

You learned many of them when we talked about the 13 behavior patterns that come with us from our first organization, the family and into our present organization at work.

Now, you are ready for the advanced session of how to get your team to be more accountable, more productive and well….. just plain nicer with each other.

Please review Chapter 7 in Don’t Bring It To Work.

The title of the chapter is Talking Together. After reading we can reconnect. You just need a bit of a refresher on how to help your team surface the hidden conflict that has them so riled up.

Leadership is complex, challenging and creative. I know you have the core strength to make your job and your team spectacular.

Keep going and keep growing,

Sylvia.

Goals, Growth, Patterns, Success

How to break through the patterns holding you back

Sylvia Lafair
June 6, 2019

I want to talk to you about how to break through the patterns that are holding you back.

Get a rubber band. Well, you can wait till you read why you need one.

A rubber band around your wrist (any color you want is fine) can help you breakthrough the annoying outdated behavior patterns that get in the way of success.

“Oh” I hear you saying, “It can’t be that easy.”

I didn’t say easy. All I said was “Get a rubber band.”

Here is how the OUT Technique I have developed works.

Observe your behavior patterns and they automatically lose the vast hold they have.
Understand where they started and they fade even more into the background.
Transform them to their positive opposites and watch the magic happen.

So, what’s with the rubber band?

It’s a reminder that the time for change is now. Right now while you are in the middle of the change process. Next time you catch yourself being a pleaser or a procrastinator the rubber band can remind you to stay strong and not fall back or even lean back.

Let me share a quick story about how Tom used the rubber band technique was able to break through the patterns that were holding him back.

Tom who was a procrastinator and was always waiting to finish a project tomorrow he learned the rubber band trick and now, he will stay with a task till done. Tomorrow is for what is fresh and new. No more guilt and excuses, he is really using his time wisely.

Find a pattern you are sick and tired of repeating. It can be from mood eating to keep you from feeling sad to angry responses when your buttons get pushed.

Have a thick rubber band comfortably over your wrist. It needs to be loose so you can snap it. No, not to hurt yourself, just as a reminder.

When you are doing the same thing over and over without getting the results you want it’s time for a snap!

Like Tom, every time he would make an excuse about getting his work done he would pull the rubber band back and yes, there would be the ouch factor and sting.

So what, it’s not life-threatening. It’s life-enhancing.

Right after you snap it tell yourself you no longer want the negative in your life. Be very clear and keep it simple. For example, Tom would say “I am good enough to finish my work and not be afraid of criticism.” He would then add an important positive sentence “I am a creative person and my work is valuable.”

When Tom learned the OUT Technique he needed a stimulus to remind him not to stay in the outdated negative place of feeling he was always making mistakes and his work would not be appreciated. That was what used to happen in school and he told me “I hate handing anything in at work, even though I am good at what I do because now I see how I am reminded of the red marks on my homework that made me feel like crap.”

Memories are never truly buried and when a strong stimulus comes along to tap into old, hurtful thoughts it is so easy to go back to being the child or teen who was not good enough or afraid to speak up.

We do, all of us, bring to work in our computer bag what was in our school backpack. Here is one way to help you stay on the positive side of the road. Try the rubber band technique to help you break through the patterns holding you back and let me know what you think!

More good techniques to come so stay tuned.

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