Summary: When left unresolved, conflict can linger like a heavy cloud, impacting individuals, teams, and entire communities. But what if the best way to heal isn’t through endless debate or forced apologies but by doing something together to move beyond the past?
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I was thinking about a pre-pandemic on-site my company did with you.
It was before Christmas. As teams, we put together bikes to be given to children by various agencies in Manhattan.
That Build a Bike time with 30 people on leadership teams was a huge success.
Why am I thinking about this now?
Because it was such a game changer for how we work together.
I would love to know other ways you have researched that we can include this year.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Signed,
Loves FUN
Working Together Can Help Individuals Grow Wiser and Kinder
Dear Loves FUN,
The Build a Bike program is super effective. We learned new ways to work as a team and, as an added benefit, give back to society.
Leaders play a crucial role in guiding people toward resolution by shifting their focus from old wounds to new possibilities.
Ultimately, one of the most effective ways to do this is to engage those in conflict in a shared project—one that requires collaboration, creativity, and a common goal.
Here’s how leaders can help transform lingering tension into meaningful teamwork and connection.
The Common Ground Project
When people are stuck in a cycle of disagreement, finding common ground through action can be the bridge to healing. Leaders can guide conflicting individuals or groups to work on something that benefits both sides.
Examples of Projects:
- Workplace: If two employees are at odds, assign them to co-lead a new initiative—perhaps organizing a company wellness event or revamping an outdated process.
- Family: A divided family can plan a shared experience like restoring an old family heirloom, cooking a special meal together, or organizing a meaningful trip.
- Community: Opposing groups in a neighborhood might come together to design a new community garden, host a local cleanup day, or organize a charity fundraiser.
By focusing on what they can build together rather than what tore them apart, individuals begin to repair their relationship. This is done without having to force a resolution first.
Service Over Struggle – Giving Back as a Unifying Experience
All things considered, people in conflict often become trapped in their perspectives, making it hard to move beyond their past pain. Service-oriented projects shift attention from personal grievances to collective contribution.
Ways to Implement This Approach:
- Encourage teams in conflict to volunteer together at a food bank, animal shelter, or community center.
- Have family members who don’t get along work together on a charity project. An example is building a home with Habitat for Humanity or organizing donations for disaster relief.
- In a workplace, have conflicted colleagues mentor a new employee together, reinforcing their strengths instead of their differences.
Helping others naturally cultivates empathy, gratitude, and perspective—key ingredients for resolving conflict.
Create Something New – A Collaborative Art or Innovation Project
In the same vein, creativity can be a powerful tool for conflict resolution because it taps into emotions and self-expression. This shows ways that logic-based discussions cannot. Leaders can facilitate projects where people work together to create something meaningful to move beyond the past.
Creative Project Ideas:
- Mural Making: Community members in conflict can paint a mural together. This uses art as a way to tell their collective story.
- Music Collaboration: Musicians or team members can write a song that reflects their shared journey toward resolution.
- Innovation Challenge: In a company setting, opposing team members can be tasked with designing a new product, process, or initiative. By combining their strengths instead of clashing over their differences, new ideas can emerge.
By shifting the energy from conflict to creation, individuals begin to see each other through a new lens.
The Legacy Project– Working Together for Future Generations
Sometimes, the best way to resolve conflict is to focus on a future where the dispute no longer matters. Leaders can guide people toward projects that leave a lasting impact beyond their personal disagreements.
Legacy-Focused Ideas:
- Write a Joint Guidebook: In a workplace or family setting, those who have been at odds can co-author a guide for the next generation. This shows lessons for young leaders or advice for future family members.
- Plant a Tree Together: A simple yet symbolic gesture, planting a tree represents growth, patience, and a shared future.
- Create a Scholarship Fund: In memory of something meaningful, conflicting parties can establish a fund to support a cause they both care about.
By shifting the conversation from who was right or wrong to what we can build for the future, lasting reconciliation begins to take shape.
Adventure & Challenge – Healing Through Shared Experience
In addition, one of the best ways to break down emotional walls is to step outside of familiar environments and engage in activities that require teamwork.
Ways to Incorporate This:
- Outdoor Retreats: Send opposing colleagues or family members to an outdoor leadership retreat that requires cooperation, such as rock climbing, hiking, or ropes courses.
- Escape Room Challenge: For a fun, low-stakes activity, teams in conflict can work together in an escape room, fostering communication and problem-solving.
- Cultural Immersion Trip: Visiting a different culture or historical site together can reframe perspectives and open the door to mutual respect.
Shared challenges build trust, dissolve resentment, and create new stories that redefine relationships.
Final Thoughts: Moving From Conflict to Connection
Leaders have the power to guide people beyond resentment by shifting their focus—from their differences to their potential to create, contribute, and grow together. By facilitating projects that require teamwork, service, creativity, or adventure, those in conflict begin to see each other as partners rather than adversaries.
So, the next time conflict arises, ask not “How do we fix this?” but “What can we build together?”
Furthermore, that shift alone could be the beginning of something transformative.
Have you seen conflict healed through shared action? Share your experiences in the comments!
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. The on-line programs we have developed at Creative Energy Options are ways individuals and teams can look at outdated behavior pattens and transform them to what is new and helpful.
