By Dr. Sylvia Lafair
They’re falling behind.
You swoop in to help.
You’re praised for being “the glue,” “the dependable one,” “the one who always saves the day. ” After the tenth time of fixing someone else’s mess, a thought creeps in:
“Why am I working harder than the people I’m rescuing?”
Welcome to the Rescuer pattern, a well-meaning trap dressed in hero’s clothing.
The Truth About Rescuing
It’s not leadership. It’s control disguised as kindness.
Rescuers think they’re helping, but often they overdo it. They jump in too soon, over-functioning and solving problems before others even notice them.
And here’s the kicker: The more you rescue, the more others stop trying. The Harvard Business Review calls this the solution fixation trap, a common pattern that keeps teams from developing real problem-solving skills.
Where the Rescuer Is Born
The Rescuer is often the kid who held the family together.
You may have learned to:
- Calm down an angry parent.
- Pick up the slack for a struggling sibling.
- Fix problems before chaos erupted.
At work, this childhood survival skill becomes a workplace pattern:
You protect. You enable. You exhaust yourself.
All in the name of being a “good leader.”
But rescuing isn’t leadership.
It’s a pattern on repeat.
The Cost of Staying the Rescuer
- Burnout: You’re always “on.”
- Resentment: You quietly fume when others don’t appreciate your efforts.
- Weak teams: People depend on you… and never grow.
- Leadership ceiling: Rescuers rarely get promoted to visionary roles, they’re too busy doing everyone else’s job.
From Rescuer to Mentor: The Transformation Path
Here’s how to evolve the Rescuer pattern into its higher form:
➡️ The Mentor.
- The Mentor doesn’t fix.
- The Mentor guides.
- They listen more than they leap.
- They coach. They challenge. They hold others capable.
Mentorship not only builds stronger teams but also increases satisfaction and performance. Psychology Today explains how good mentoring leads to workplace success and fulfillment.
The 3-Step Shift
1. Observe the Old Pattern Without Judgment
Start with this:
“I see my impulse to rescue, it protected me once, but now, it limits me and others.”
This is not about blame. It’s about awareness with compassion.
2. Hold the Tension of Discomfort
Yes, it’s painful to watch someone struggle, But rescuing robs people of their learning curve.
Mentors stay present and ask questions, instead of jumping in.
Try this instead of fixing:
“What’s your first thought about how to handle this?”
“What’s your next step?”
Watch the shift.
3. Empower, Don’t Enable
Let go of the need to be the hero.
The Mentor knows: Leadership isn’t about being needed. It’s about creating leaders.
That means backing off, trusting, and building skills in others.
A Challenge for You
This week, pick one situation where your Rescuer instinct screams, “JUMP IN!”
Don’t.
Pause. Breathe. Ask questions. Let it unfold.
You may feel uncomfortable at first, but growth always starts there.
What’s Really At Stake?
When you transform from Rescuer to Mentor:
- Your team becomes resilient, not reliant
- You become strategic, not stretched
- You gain influence, not just appreciation
Let’s Get Honest
Do you see the Rescuer in yourself?
What’s one moment this week where you caught yourself about to jump in?
👇 Share in the comments. Let’s start calling out this pattern so we can lead with more freedom, more clarity, and more impact. For more information, reach out to us.
