Summary: You know that moment. You open your mouth, and your mother or father comes out.
“Do you think we’re made of money?” or “Turn off the lights; we’re not paying to illuminate the city.” Then,
“Because I said so, that’s why!” It happens all the time. Here’s why and what to do about it.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
The other day, I was offering feedback to my direct report.
He needed to see his behavior from a new vantage point. Therefore, I decided to role-play so he could see and hear me differently.
It was a disaster.
Worse for me than for him.
For example, I could feel that anxious feeling I would get as a child when my mother reprimanded me.
I actually looked at my finger pointing at him and thought,” Whose finger is that anyway?” It looked like my mother’s hand with her long, red fingernails.
I need some help to “reverse the curse” of becoming my mom.
Signed,
Letting Go of the Past
Oh no… I Just Sounded Exactly Like My Parent.
Dear Let Go,
You’ve been there. We’ve all been there.
You open your mouth, and out comes:
“Do you think we’re made of money?” Or, “Because I said so.”
Cue the existential cringe.
You’re officially starring in that insurance commercial, the one where grown adults are coached not to become their parents.
But here’s the truth: we all do it, especially under stress.
It’s Not Your Fault, It’s Your Wiring.
The insurance company behind those hilarious “you’re becoming your parents” commercials is Progressive Insurance, featuring Dr. Rick, the fictional “Parent Life Coach.”
He helps new homeowners avoid turning into their parents with gems like:
“We all see it: You hired a plumber, not your dad.” Or, perhaps, “No one cares that you found the best parking spot.”
Progressive absolutely nailed it, using humor to spotlight a universal truth: we inherit habits we swore we’d never repeat.
It’s basically my Complete It or Repeat It (new book in process) philosophy in a 30-second sitcom.
“Dr. Rick Meets Dr. Sylvia”: Why We All Need a Pattern-Aware Coach
You’ve seen Dr. Rick.
Khakis, a clipboard, and that patient-yet-exhausted look.
Dr. Rick, the “Parent Life Coach” from Progressive Insurance, is helping new homeowners avoid saying things like:
“We don’t need a sign to tell us it’s a bathroom.”
Then we laugh because it’s us.
Frustratingly, we all repeat our parents’ words, not just at home but also in our business meetings.
Patterns Don’t Retire When You Move Out
Those family habits you thought you left behind?
They’re alive and well in your leadership style.
Mom’s controlling streak becomes micromanagement.
Dad’s “Because I said so” becomes “That’s final.”
Grandma’s guilt trips morph into workplace martyrdom.
These patterns are invisible passengers, steering our tone, timing, and trust, until we notice.
Here’s Where “Dr. Sylvia” Steps In: Releasing The Echo Effect
In my book, Don’t Bring It To Work,” I call it pattern repetition. You might call it genetic ventriloquism. Either way, we absorb our family’s tone, words, and reactions long before we know what’s happening. Those early scripts live deep in the nervous system.
When we’re calm, we can rewrite them. But the minute pressure hits, boom! Out pops Dad’s sarcasm or Mom’s guilt trip. The volume goes up, and the adult in you temporarily leaves the building.
My version of Dr. Rick’s clipboard? Pattern Awareness.
I help leaders see the family echoes running their teams, and rewrite them for clarity, creativity, and calm.
Instead of trying not to sound like your parents, learn why you do and how to complete the pattern rather than repeat it.
When head, heart, and gut align, you stop reacting like your family and start leading like yourself.
Awareness is an Upgrade
Next time you catch yourself repeating the family soundtrack, don’t panic. Instead, pause, and laugh.
Then ask:
“Whose voice is this really?”
What would the adult-me say instead?”
“Because I said so” can change to “Let’s decide together.”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees” becomes “Let’s talk about priorities.”
Tiny language shifts, massive leadership growth.
Do This for Better Results:
Next time you catch a parent’s phrase escaping your lips:
Pause. Smile. Ask, “What’s the upgraded version?”
Then say it. That’s the moment you shift from Dr. Rick’s comedy to Dr. Sylvia’s transformation.
Progressive teaches you not to become your parents.
I teach you how to grow beyond them.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: Those early family phrases are emotional muscle memory. When life turns up the pressure, your nervous system reaches for what it knows best: Dad’s sarcasm or Mom’s guilt trip. Start the transformation by reading “Invisible Stress (It’s NOT What YOU Think),” and then do the Stress Mastery online program.
PSS: You’re not becoming your parents, you’re just rehearsing old lines.
Now it’s your turn to rewrite the script. Contact us for more information.
That’s what Pattern Awareness is all about: turning echoes from the past into leadership for the future.
