Summary: Forget the official goodbye emails and polite handshakes. The fear of gossip often haunts people when they resign. There is a whispered, “Can you believe she left? She’ll regret it.” Or the raised eyebrows that silently say, ”I bet he was really fired and they are just being politically correct.” Here are some thoughts to guide you.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I finally decided to “take care of myself.”
I resigned without a new job in sight because of the toxic work environment.
Now, the rumors, gossip, and ridicule are reaching a fever pitch.
In fact, several weeks ago, I had coffee with a favorite colleague who still works at “the dungeon.”
At some point, she lowered her head and said, “Oh my! The VP of HR is at a table near here, and she can see me talking with you.”
Then she apologized and said she needed to leave since they would say she was “hanging out with the enemy.”
I was furious and sat alone, wondering why we are so afraid of taking the risk of change. Why do so many of us stay stuck rather than do what benefits our health and well-being?
I would love to hear your thoughts. And even more, did this ever happen to you?
Signed,
Risk Taker
Why We Stay When We Should Go
Dear Risk Taker,
The answer to “Did this ever happen to me?” is a resounding ‘Yes.”
Look, the fear of being mocked for stepping away keeps more people stuck than a year without a bonus.
When you’ve invested years of sweat, skill, and maybe even your sanity into a workplace, leaving feels like walking away from family (even if it’s a dysfunctional one).
Humans Are Wired To Belong
The thought of becoming the subject of ridicule, jokes at the lunch table, gossip in texts, or “You’ll never get a job this good again” warnings can freeze us in place.
But here’s the truth: staying where you’re no longer growing doesn’t earn you respect. It erodes your confidence and keeps you chained to yesterday’s version of yourself.
Sylvia’s Story
Not long ago, I was coaching the senior team at a fast-growing entrepreneurial company.
I take pride in being a tenacious coach who can see unique ways to bring about positive change.
In this organization, the CEO was like the fabled King Midas, who wanted to amass riches, regardless of the expense to those who worked for him.
I would fall asleep thinking about how to help, only to wake up with plans that were tossed aside by lunchtime.
One day, it hit me. I was being paid a handsome fee to cheerlead team members who were ready to resign to do just that!
Once they had utilized all their resources for change within the company, it was time to go.
One night, my inner voice, loud and clear, said, “What about you? If you are no longer helping, why are you staying?
After several sleepless nights and stress-filled days, I decided that I could no longer support the environment, nor be a change agent.
The result. I handed in my resignation. This is only the second time in my career I said “No More.”
I had to let go of my feelings of “not being good enough.
Not easy. Yet vital for my own mental health.
The Real Cost of Fear
Fear of ridicule is a silent tax. It costs you:
Time: years you can’t get back.
Energy: drained in meetings that no longer inspire you.
Opportunity: because while you’re hesitating, someone else is moving forward.
Imagine looking back five years from now and realizing the only reason you stayed was because you didn’t want to be the punchline at happy hour.
That’s not leadership. That’s self-sabotage.
They were ridiculed, doubted, and even laughed at. And then, years later, the same critics said, “Wow, what a bold move.”
Practical Ways to Push Through the Fear
- Reframe ridicule as resistance: People often mock what they don’t understand. Their laughter says more about their limits than your leap.
- Find your exit story: Don’t over-explain. A clear, confident line, such as “It was time to take on new challenges,” shuts down most gossip.
- Anchor to your vision: Write down what you’re moving toward. Ridicule loses its sting when your goals are louder than their giggles.
- Remember the bigger stage: Your career is a long play. A few weeks of chatter at one company won’t define your legacy.
The Leadership Lesson
Leaders, at every level, are watched most closely when they make bold moves.
Leaving a company that no longer meets your needs is not a weakness. It’s wisdom.
It’s the ability to say, “I’m no longer willing to trade my potential for someone else’s approval.”
And here’s the kicker: the very people who ridicule you for leaving? They’re often the ones who secretly wish they had the guts to do the same.
Closing Thought
The only thing worse than being ridiculed for leaving is ridiculing yourself years from now for staying.
If you have done everything, including seeking professional help, attempting to make the environment at work (or in a personal relationship) succeed, and you can look yourself in the mirror and say,” There is nothing else to do, then leave with your head held high
You may, in fact, be breaking an ingrained, outdated pattern that could be generations old.
Did your parents, grandparents, or others in your community stay in situations that no longer served them out of fear of The Ridicule Factor?
Be a pattern breaker, take a new road, and as I always say, keep going and keep growing.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS Be on the lookout this fall for my new membership site, “Pattern Breakers Leadership Lab.”
