Summary: Resentment and burnout are not simply emotional states; they are physiological signals that a person has been living in chronic misalignment. The brain spins with overanalysis (head), the heart closes off in self-protection (heart), and the gut tightens, warning that something feels “off” (gut). This disconnection often results from prolonged stress, people-pleasing, or purpose fatigue. Here are ways to unite the KNOTS and the NOTS.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am the VP of Human Resources at a mid-sized company. Everyone seems overstressed with focus on the negative.
What can I offer my team during this chaotic time of polarization to help them grow and thrive?
Look, I cannot afford to offer them personal coaching; it’s too expensive.
Yet, especially now, when there is so much talk about mental health at work, I need to suggest some ways that those who are in need will continue to grow.
I can “feel” in my gut that so many are resentful of too much work and are giving up. The next step from resentment is burnout.
We have a lot to do to prepare for the big push as the holiday season approaches.
Any help is appreciated.
Signed,
Hope for GLIMMERS
The Challenge of Disconnection
Dear Hope for GLIMMERS
Your request is very timely to me. An increasing number of employees are growing resentful of layoffs that leave those still on the payroll with both guilt of survivorship and twice the workload.
No, AI cannot do the job alone. And yes, one-to-one coaching can become expensive. This is why I am writing a new book with all my information and exercises about GLIMMERS to help today’s workforce stay afloat.
Here are ways to tackle the intense times we live in and get your team more aligned with themselves and with each other.
The Science Behind Glimmers
For example, neuroscience and trauma research tell us that this is not a weakness, but a natural adaptive response. When our nervous system detects an ongoing threat, whether from external pressure or internalized expectations, it shifts into survival mode, prioritizing defense over curiosity or joy.
Coined by Deb Dana, a clinician and researcher in Polyvagal Theory, the term glimmers describes the micro-moments of safety and connection that help the nervous system shift out of hypervigilance.
Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They are cues, sensory, relational, or emotional, that whisper, “You are safe. You can soften.”
According to Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, our autonomic nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for cues of safety or threat (a process called neuroception). Glimmers activate the ventral vagal system, which supports calm, connection, and creativity.
In fact, over time, recognizing and savoring glimmers can help a burned-out system rewire toward resilience and openness.
In coaching, this means helping clients attune to the moments when their head, heart, and gut come into coherence, when logic, emotion, and intuition are not at war, but in conversation.
The Triad of Inner Alignment: Head, Heart, and Gut
Modern neuroscience supports the ancient wisdom that humans have not one, but three “brains”:
- Head brain (Cerebral cortex), reasoning, problem-solving, narrative.
- Heart brain (Cardiac nervous system), emotional resonance, compassion, relational attunement.
- Gut brain (Enteric nervous system), intuition, boundary sensing, instinctive knowing.
Each “brain” has its own complex neural network and communicates bidirectionally via the vagus nerve. When aligned, these systems create what researchers at the HeartMath Institute call psychophysiological coherence, a measurable state where heart rhythms, brain waves, and respiration synchronize, improving emotional regulation and clarity of thought.
When misaligned, however, for example, when the head says “yes” but the gut says no,” the body experiences internal conflict that fuels anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.
Introducing Pattern Work: Mapping and Transforming the Inner Loops
In my coaching practice, I often describe resentment and burnout as patterns of protection. These are deeply learned survival strategies that once kept us safe, but now keep us stuck. These patterns show up as repetitive loops of thought (“I have to fix this”), emotion (“no one sees me”), and behavior (“I keep pushing”).
Pattern recognition is the first step toward transformation. When clients learn to see their patterns not as personal failures, but as predictable nervous system responses, they can step outside of them long enough to create choice.
I invite clients to map their patterns through three lenses:
Head patterns: looping stories, self-criticism, overthinking.
Heart patterns: emotional overextension, withdrawal, or people-pleasing.
Gut patterns: ignoring instinct, tightening, or numbing sensations.
Through awareness and compassion, these patterns can be softened. The goal is not to erase them, but to repattern, to transform survival strategies into expressions of safety and self-trust.
“Patterns lose their power the moment we bring presence to them. In that pause, a new possibility, a glimmer, appears.” Sylvia Lafair
This approach helps clients notice when they’re living from automatic defense rather than aligned intention. Once they can recognize the pattern, they can regulate, reflect, and reorient toward coherence.
Coaching Pathways: From Burnout to Glimmer Awareness
Here are some suggestions from my new book (in process), “GLIMMERS: How Head, Heart, and GUT Illuminate The Leaders’ Path”
This is a good starting place for your teams
Pause and Name the Disconnection
Invite clients to slow down and identify where they feel most constricted. Is their mind racing (head overload)? Are they emotionally numb (heart shutdown)? Are they tense or nauseated (gut alarm)? Awareness begins the reconnection process.
“Let’s just notice what your head is saying, what your heart feels, and what your gut knows.”
Regulate Before Reflecting
Coaching that targets emotional regulation before cognitive reframing is more effective. Encourage micro-practices that activate the ventral vagal system:
Deep, slow breathing (especially extended exhales)
Gentle movement or stretching
Looking into soft light or nature
Grounding through touch or temperature
Once the body feels safe, the mind becomes capable of curiosity again.
Track the Glimmers
Ask: “When do you feel even 2% more alive, connected, or peaceful?”
Encourage clients to track these moments, not as achievements, but as evidence that their system remembers how to feel good. Over time, this builds neuroplastic resilience, reinforcing pathways of safety instead of threat.
Integrate Head, Heart, and Gut in Decision-Making
Have clients check alignment by using a brief internal scan:
Head: Does this make logical sense?
Heart: Does this feel kind or true?
Gut: Does this feel steady and right?
If all three respond in harmony, even softly, that’s a glimmer of coherence. Encourage clients to pause there, breathe, and anchor that feeling.
Reframe Resentment as an Invitation
Resentment often signals boundary violations or self-abandonment. Instead of judging it, treat it as useful data. Ask:
“What part of you is saying no, and hasn’t been heard?”
“Where in your body do you feel a KNOT that translates as a NOT?
This invites the gut and heart to rejoin the conversation, transforming resentment into self-respect.
Why It Works: The Neurobiology of Alignment
When clients reconnect to glimmers, their nervous systems shift from sympathetic dominance (fight/flight) or dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze) toward ventral vagal engagement. This shift increases heart-rate variability (HRV), a biomarker of emotional resilience, and improves prefrontal cortex functioning, allowing for better perspective-taking, empathy, and creative problem-solving.
Studies from the HeartMath Institute, Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research, and University College London all indicate that coherence practices, especially those involving heart-focused attention and slow breathing, significantly reduce burnout and restore motivation by enhancing neurocardiac synchrony.
In essence, glimmer recognition is a neural retraining process. It teaches the body that safety and joy are available, even in small doses, and that alignment is a lived experience, not a cognitive goal.
People Emerge from Burnout When Guided Toward Presence
Presence is where their head, heart, and gut can speak in unison again.
Glimmers are not rare miracles; they are quiet invitations waiting in the background noise of busyness and fatigue. When clients learn to stop, listen, and trust those whispers, the system reorganizes toward aliveness, one breath, one glimmer, one new pattern at a time.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. You and your teams will get great benefit from STRESS MASTERY, the 4-module online Program that includes my award-winning book” Invisible Stress: It’s NOT What YOU Think.” There is a discount available for the entire team, which consists of a Zoom coaching session.
PSS If you find this helpful, please share with others.
