It’s Time To STOP Being a Pleaser

Hi everyone, Sylvia Lafair here, with some thoughts about where we are heading as the vaccine takes on the pandemic.

Many of my clients have complained that they are exhausted and feel overwhelmed because they can’t say no.

They are worried about how to react when schools and workplaces open up once again.

Get ready for new ways of responding.

Pleasers: Pay Attention

I have a big question for anybody who’s a pleaser, lives with a pleaser, knows a pleaser.

BIG QUESTION: Do you usually respond by saying say ‘YES’ because you care or do you say ‘YES’ because you want to be accepted?

What is the WHY in your YES?

There’s a big difference between these two ways of responding. Until you really understand the WHY of your YES, you will feel like a captive in a never-ending Netflix drama.

For years I have taught that “NO’ is a complete sentence!” and people laugh.

What needs to be underlined is this: While NO is a complete sentence, the key to really being heard is when you stop, simply stop, and do not defend, explain or justify.

Even with saying no and meaning it, the tendency is to give qualifiers. So, just stop!

Get rid of your whining or mooing

Often, ‘NO’ comes out more like a question than an exclamation. Pleasers, when they have the courage to say that dreaded two-letter word sound more like a moooing cow and the word comes out “nooooo.”

So, again the question, “Do you say ‘YES’ because you care, or do you say ‘YES’ because you want to be accepted?

As I was working on my ‘Stress Busters’ program, I figured out something important.

I don’t know why it took me so long, but I figured it out. Now, pay attention all you pleasers, this borders on life-changing.

Does saying NO mean you don’t like me?

Lots of pleasers can’t say ‘NO’ because they think it’s impolite. They think it’s harsh and it’s rude. Truth be told, it can be unpleasant.

I thought long and hard and created the ‘Not for Me Process.’ This is an interim method. It’s like strength training. You have to practice till you can lift the heavyweights.

You have to practice till you can finally say the real ‘NO’, and mean it so people will listen.

Can’t get the word No out of your mouth

If somebody says, ‘Will you take on a new project?’ You want to say ‘NO,’ but you think that’s impolite. Or ‘Are you making dinner tonight?’ You want to say ‘No, you have two hands, you make dinner for a change.’ Yet, you think you are disappointing someone.

First say Thank You

Here’s the polite way. We want to be polite, right? The first thing you should do when somebody says something is to say, ‘Thanks or thank you.’ That’s polite right?

You’re going to say, ‘Thank you,’ and then you’re going to say a big sentence.

Big sentence: That’s doesn’t work for me right now.

You simply say, “Thank you, this is just not the right time for me.” Or “Thanks, that doesn’t work for me now.”

I promise you, you’re going to be able to say it with more conviction than just saying a plain ‘NO.’

Once you do that, it frees something up.

It’s time to let go of those horrible feelings of guilt, overwhelm, and obligation. You’re just gonna say, ‘Thank you, that won’t work for me right now.’

It’s better than just that brutal ‘No.’

Pleasers, I promise you, I really promise you, once you use this magical sentence, instead of just the word NO, you will have more freedom and more energy for things you love to do.

Here’s to your success.

Sylvia

Sylvia Lafair

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