The Dichotomy of Power: How Emotionally Powerless Leaders Seek External Dominance

Summary: Leaders are often seen as paragons of strength and confidence. Yet beneath this façade, many grapple with feelings of powerlessness. This emotional turmoil can significantly impact their leadership style, prompting a compensatory quest for external power. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for fostering healthier leadership and organizational cultures.

Dear Dr. Sylvia,

One Senior Vice President, Ed, who has the ear of “the boss,” is always late for meetings.

In fact, he often cancels at the last minute because he is simply too busy.

I’m super frustrated. I spoke my truth and told him I think what he does is rude and yes, irresponsible. FYI, I am also a SVP.

As an illustration, his response is “I am not here to do what you want. I am here to do what “the boss” wants me to do.”

Above all, I see his behavior as a power play.

For example, one colleague who decided to follow his lead, is now late for meetings or cancels without any concern for others. He parrots by saying, “I am NOT here to please people. I, like Ed, do not care what they think or say. I just do what “the boss” wants done. After all, he is who pays us.”

There is so much discounting of the people in the organization. I am amazed we are still in business.

I am ready to quit.

Just to give you a broader picture, seven people have handed in their resignation in the past six weeks.

Am I wrong? I know that people matter.

Signed,

Disgruntled

It is vital to consider people and the planet in the quest for profit

Dear Disgruntled,

I always love the motto of “People, Planet, Profits.” It is like the strong three legged stool.

Just as an example, did you know that a three-legged stool is a wonder of physics? It is more stable than a four legged stool and can sit on an uneven surface. For centuries the three-legged stool has been symbolic of stability.

Indeed profits are what business is about. However, without people it fails. Especially we must consider how our products impact the planet, or we all lose.

Your colleague is more aligned with the idea of power and glory. He is “stuck” pleasing “the boss.” Hopefully, he can change his ingrained, outdated patterns and become a beacon of light for the entire team or organization.

Let’s dig into where his disregard comes from.

The Roots of Emotional Powerlessness

Emotional powerlessness in leaders is a deeply personal struggle, often originating from personal insecurities, past traumas, or an environment that perpetuates a lack of control.

“Don’t Bring It to Work” is a Game-changer for Mental Health in the Workplace, You can read about how our original organization, the family impacts our present organization at work in my book “Don’t Bring It To Work: Breaking The Family Patterns That Limit Success.”

These leaders, despite their outward assertiveness or aggression, may feel inadequate. They harbor self-doubt, or fear being perceived as weak.

As an illustration, one leader I coached had an “aha” moment when he remembered

how he felt when his parents and third grade teacher told him he was not ready

for fourth grade. He was ashamed and that feeling of being “less than” led to his

driven work ethic. Underneath the great products he produces now, there is a

strong “I’ll show them” attitude Sadly, it means everyone in his company is

overworked. Most importantly, now that he is able to connect the past with the

present he is willing to stop making impossible demands on his employees.

Change only comes when the “power mongers” understand the depth of these internal struggles.

This is a major key to fostering healthier leadership and organizational cultures.

The Manifestation of Emotional Powerlessness

Micromanagement and Control: Leaders who feel powerless internally often exhibit an excessive need for control over their external environment, leading to micromanagement behaviors.

By dictating every minor detail and closely monitoring their subordinates, these leaders seek to mitigate their inner anxieties.

Sadly, this approach stifles creativity, reduces morale, and hampers team productivity, highlighting the urgent need to address this issue.

Authoritarianism: Another manifestation is authoritarianism. Leaders may adopt a strict, top-down approach, making unilateral decisions without consulting their teams.

This autocratic style is a defense mechanism to mask their insecurities. By projecting an image of decisiveness and strength they think they can hide their inner turmoil.

For example, the President of a company my team consults with, was famous for

saying “I’m the boss, and if you don’t like it here, you can vote with your feet,” and he

would point to the door. He was told by his dad he would never make it in the work

world. He needed to have a deep conversation with his aging father to heal the hurt.

While not easy to do, he is now more capable of listening to others and creating a

great cohesive company.

Unfortunately, if old hurts are left to fester, it often leads to a lack of employee engagement and innovation, as team members feel disempowered and undervalued.

JUBLA, is the need to justify, blame or attack

Blame Shifting: Emotionally powerless leaders may also resort to blame-shifting to protect their fragile self-esteem. By attributing failures to others, they deflect attention from their own perceived inadequacies. This behavior can create a toxic work environment, eroding trust and collaboration within the team.

Resistance to Feedback: Constructive feedback is essential for growth, but leaders who feel powerless may perceive it as a threat to their authority. They might react defensively, rejecting criticism outright or punishing those who offer it. This resistance not only hinders personal development but also stifles the organization’s growth.

Aggression and Intimidation: Some leaders may use aggression and intimidation as tools to assert dominance. This can manifest as verbal abuse, unrealistic demands, or punitive actions. While such tactics might compel short-term compliance, they breed fear and resentment, ultimately undermining long-term organizational success.

The psychological underpinnings of powerless power mongers

The behaviors of emotionally powerless leaders are deeply rooted in psychological mechanisms. At the core is compensatory control—a process where individuals seek to regain a sense of control by exerting power over others. There is a fragile self-concept that cannot withstand feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy.

Narcissism: Selfish traits are common among leaders who feel emotionally powerless. Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration, masking underlying insecurities. Their leadership style is characterized by a lack of empathy. You see an overemphasis on personal achievements, and an authoritarian approach.

Imposter Syndrome: Some leaders who project confidence and control may suffer from imposter syndrome, doubting their accomplishments and fearing exposure as frauds. To compensate, they may overexert their authority, striving to prove their worth and hide their self-doubt.

Fear of Vulnerability: Vulnerability is often perceived as weakness, especially in leadership roles. Leaders who are uncomfortable with their vulnerabilities may overcompensate by displaying an exaggerated sense of strength and control. This avoidance of vulnerability prevents authentic connections with their teams and stifles genuine leadership.

The impact on organizations of emotionally powerless leaders

The repercussions of having emotionally powerless leaders extend beyond individual behaviors, affecting the entire organization.

Decreased Employee Morale: Employees working under such leaders often experience low morale. The lack of trust and autonomy, coupled with fear of blame and punishment, leads to disengagement and reduced productivity. High turnover rates are common as talented individuals seek healthier work environments.

Stifled Innovation: Innovation thrives in environments where team members feel valued and empowered to take risks. Authoritarian and controlling leadership stifles creativity, as employees are reluctant to propose new ideas or challenge the status quo. This hampers the organization’s ability to adapt and grow in a competitive landscape.

Toxic Work Culture: The behaviors of emotionally powerless leaders contribute to a toxic work culture characterized by fear, mistrust, and lack of collaboration. Such environments harm employee well-being and organizational success, leading to high-stress levels, burnout, and decreased overall performance.

The CEO was desperate when she called. There was a “walkout” of over twenty

employees. The local news saw a great story about “impossible work stress”

had a field day interviewing many of the disgruntled workers. The CEO, who spent

her time complaining about everyone and pointing fingers, finally had a big wake

up call about “the boomerang effect.” She finally had to look in the mirror and see

her part of creating such a toxic, unlivable culture. It was , sadly, a replica of the

environment of her youth where the name of the game was “survival.”

Strategies for change take determination

All in all, addressing the issue of emotional powerlessness in leaders requires a multifaceted approach that includes self-awareness, professional development, and organizational support.

Self-awareness and Reflection: Encouraging leaders to engage in self-reflection can help them recognize their emotional struggles and understand how these impact their behaviors. 360-degree feedback, coaching, and mindfulness practices can foster greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Professional Development: Leadership development programs should emphasize emotional intelligence, empathy, and vulnerability. Organizations can foster more supportive and effective leadership styles by equipping leaders with the skills to manage their emotions and build authentic relationships.

Organizational Culture: Cultivating a culture that values psychological safety and open communication is essential. Organizations should promote an environment where leaders feel supported in their growth. Then feedback is a tool for development rather than a threat.

Mentorship and Support Systems: Establishing mentorship programs can provide leaders with guidance and support from experienced individuals who have navigated similar challenges. Support systems such as peer groups and counseling can also offer a safe space for leaders to explore their vulnerabilities and build resilience.

Encouraging Vulnerability: Leaders should be encouraged to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Sharing personal challenges and demonstrating authenticity can foster trust and deepen connections within the team.

This shift can transform the leadership dynamic, promoting a more collaborative and innovative organizational culture.

The journey from emotional powerlessness to authentic leadership is challenging yet profoundly transformative

By understanding this dynamic’s underlying causes and manifestations, leaders can embark on a path of self-discovery and growth. Organizations, in turn, can support this journey by fostering a culture of psychological safety, empathy, and continuous development.

Ultimately, addressing the dichotomy of power within leadership enhances individual well-being and drives organizational success, creating environments where leaders and their teams can thrive.

To your success,

Sylvia Lafair

PS. Please consider the Total Leadership Connections online program for you and your company. It has helped hundreds of leaders grow past outdated behaviors that limited them in the past.