Transforming the Workplace Super Achiever
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I work with the most annoying super achiever.
That is to say, she always has a better response, a more thoughtful comment, and a “great” way to handle conflict (even though she creates much of the chaos at work).
In addition, my team and I need help helping her learn a better way of responding or find another place to work.
Here is what she sounds like:
In fact, I know, our one-upper doesn’t mean harm (at least not consciously). She’s often driven by an intense need for recognition or insecurity disguised as confidence. Here’s how my colleague operates:
- You: “I ran a 5K over the weekend.”
- Her: “Oh, that’s cute! I ran a marathon, barefoot, in the snow… uphill both ways.”
- You: “I finally got that big client to sign the contract.”
- Her: “Oh, I remember landing three clients like that in a single day. One of them was Elon Musk.”
- You: “My kid just learned to ride a bike!”
- Her: “My kid? Invented a bike. She’s only 4.”
As can be seen, her need to shine often overshadows her ability to connect authentically, but there’s humor in her exaggeration if you know how to look for it.
However, we need help to stop her from bragging.
Thanks,
Tired of nasty competition
You Can Help The Super Achiever “One Upper” Transform
Dear, Tired,
The super achiever is one of the most vocal of all the unwanted behavior patterns at work.
Most importantly, the good news is that it can be transformed into a healthier response.
In addition, let’s explore what drives the super achiever, how their behavior impacts the workplace, and actionable strategies for helping them evolve into creative collaborators.
Who Is the Super Achiever?
The super achiever is a powerhouse of ambition, fueled by an insatiable need to be the best in the room. Here’s a snapshot of their personality:
- Competitive Storytelling: Whatever your accomplishment, theirs is bigger, better, and more impressive.
- Perpetual Hustle: They’re always striving, rarely pausing to reflect. They measure success by external validation.
- Fear of Mediocrity: Deep down, the super achiever is terrified of being perceived as ordinary.
- Recognition-Seeker: They crave the spotlight and the accompanying applause, often at the expense of authentic connection.
In “Don’t Bring It To Work,” this behavior is described as part of the Super Achiever Pattern—a learned response rooted in early life experiences.
Often, super achievers were praised as children only for their accomplishments, not their inherent worth. This creates an internal belief that they must constantly outperform others to be valued.
The Impact of the Super Achiever at Work
Moreover, while their drive can produce impressive results, the super achiever can create friction in the workplace.
- Stifles Collaboration: Their need to one-up others can alienate team members, discouraging open dialogue and idea-sharing.
- Creates Resentment: Colleagues may feel overshadowed or invalidated, leading to workplace tension.
- Burnout Risk: The super achiever’s relentless pace can cause them to overextend themselves—and expect others to keep up.
- Missed Opportunities for Growth: By focusing on winning, they may overlook the benefits of teamwork and shared success.
From One-Upper to Creative Collaborator: The Transformation
As an illustration, the good news is that super achievers can transform their behavior, shifting from competitive to collaborative. Here’s how:
Step 1: Observe and Acknowledge the Pattern
For example, the first step is self-awareness. In “Don’t Bring It To Work,“ I discuss how recognizing habitual patterns rooted in childhood is essential for change. Super achievers must understand that their behavior stems from a learned need for validation, not an innate flaw.
- Reflection Question: Ask out of curiosity, not blame: “Why do you need to prove your worth by outshining others?”
Step 2: Understand Behaviors from Childhood and Reframe Success
Indeed, super achievers often equate success with personal accolades. To evolve, they must embrace a broader definition of success—one that includes collaboration and collective achievements.
- Actionable Tip: Celebrate team wins as enthusiastically as personal accomplishments. Shift the focus from me to we.
Step 3: Practice Active Listening
One-uppers dominate conversations, but creativity thrives in environments where you hear all voices. Encourage the super achiever to actively listen without interjecting.
- Exercise: In meetings, ask super achievers to commit to listening to at least three colleagues’ ideas before contributing. This fosters inclusivity and respect.
Step 4: Cultivate Empathy
Empathy is the antidote to competitive behavior. By putting themselves in others’ shoes, super achievers can better understand the impact of their actions.
- Role-Playing: Encourage them to imagine how their one-upping might feel to a colleague sharing a personal achievement.
Step 5: Channel Creativity Positively
Ultimately, super achievers are bursting with ideas. Instead of using their creativity to compete, they can channel it into problem-solving and innovation.
- Team Exercise: Have the super achiever lead brainstorming sessions where everyone contributes equally and shares credit collectively.
The Role of Leadership in Transformation
All things considered, leaders play a crucial role in guiding super achievers toward collaboration. Here’s how managers can support their growth:
- Provide Constructive Feedback: Address one-upping behavior directly but kindly. For example, “Your ideas are fantastic, but sometimes they overshadow others. Let’s work on balancing contributions.”
- Set Clear Expectations: Emphasize the importance of teamwork and shared success in performance evaluations.
- Encourage Reflection: Recommend journaling or coaching to help super achievers explore the roots of their behavior.
- Model Collaborative Behavior: Lead by example. Demonstrate the value of humility, listening, and giving credit where it’s due.
Success Story: When Collaboration Wins
One of the most rewarding transformations I’ve witnessed involved a sales manager named Sarah. A classic super achiever, Sarah steals the spotlight in meetings, often overshadowing her team’s contributions.
In short, through coaching based on principles from “Don’t Bring It To Work,” Sarah began recognizing her pattern and its roots in childhood.
For example, she realized that her mother had given up her entrepreneur dream. Instead, she took a back seat to support her husband’s success. They ended up divorcing when Sarah was six years old.
The Way OUT to Real Success: Observe, Understand, and Transform Outdated Patterns
To put salt on a very raw wound, Sarah and her mother had to watch as her dad became a great success with a new trophy wife and several children.
Ultimately, when Sarah finally understood that she was carrying the weight of her mother’s anger she had a blinding “aha” moment.
She was attempting to make up for her childhood pain, as well as her mother’s pain, by being “the best.”
In addition, with some deep work to forgive her father and adopt a new, more mature way of dealing with her mother, Sarah transformed from a super achiever to a creative collaborator.
In the same vein, she implemented active listening practices, celebrated her team’s successes, and shifted her mindset from competition to collaboration.
The result? Not only did her team’s morale skyrocket, but their collective performance improved significantly. Sarah herself became a more fulfilled and respected leader.
From Conflict to Creativity
As has been noted, the journey from super achiever to creative collaborator isn’t always easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding. One-uppers can transform their workplace presence from divisive to dynamic by addressing the underlying patterns and embracing new behaviors.
Above all, the next time you encounter a one-upper, remember: beneath the need to shine is a wealth of untapped potential. With the right guidance and a shift in perspective, they can become a creative force that uplifts the entire team.
In conclusion, for those super achievers reading this, take heart. True greatness lies not in standing above others but in inspiring those around you to rise. Together, you can achieve extraordinary things.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair, PhD
PS. For more insights on transforming workplace behaviors, check out my book, “Don’t Bring It To Work.” Thirteen key patterns from childhood show up at work. Find which one is YOU. They can all be transformed using the OUT technique. Everyone deserves the chance to shine, collaborate, and thrive.
