Lisa’s response to Greg wasn’t just a moment of emotional intelligence—it was a shift in a long-standing workplace pattern. If she had reacted with defensiveness, their conflict would have deepened, reinforcing a cycle of hostility. Instead, by stepping back and choosing curiosity over combat, she disrupted the dynamic.
This is what pattern awareness is all about: recognizing recurring behaviors—both in ourselves and others—and making a conscious choice to respond differently.
The Power of Patterns in Workplace Conflict
In my Pattern Aware™ Leadership Programs, I teach that most workplace conflicts don’t start in the office. They’re rooted in childhood experiences, family dynamics, and long-standing habits. Understanding these patterns is the key to transforming workplace drama into a culture of trust and growth.
Let’s look at some common workplace patterns and how they played out in Lisa and Greg’s situation:
1. The Blame Game (Greg’s Pattern)
Greg’s first instinct was to attack. He dismissed Lisa’s work without offering constructive input. This type of reaction often comes from a pattern of judging and blaming—perhaps from a background where perfection was expected, and mistakes were met with harsh criticism.
How to Transform It:
- Recognize that harsh criticism often masks deeper insecurities.
- Instead of reacting defensively, ask: “What specifically isn’t working for you? How can we improve it?”
- Encourage solutions rather than just identifying problems.
2. The People-Pleaser Trap (Lisa’s Initial Reaction)
Lisa’s clenched fists under the table signaled her frustration, but her first instinct was likely to either shut down or retaliate. This is common for those with a People-Pleaser or Avoider pattern—hesitating to confront conflict directly for fear of making things worse.
How to Transform It:
- Instead of suppressing emotions, acknowledge them.
- Use assertive, calm communication: “I hear your concerns. Let’s work together to make this better.”
- Shift from reacting emotionally to responding strategically.
3. The Power Struggle
Many workplace conflicts escalate into power struggles—who’s right, who’s wrong, who gets the last word. But power struggles drain energy and productivity.
How to Transform It:
- Recognize when a conversation is turning into a battle of egos.
- Shift the focus from who is right to what will make this work best for the team.
- Use collaboration-based language: “We both want this campaign to succeed. What can we refine together?”
Making Pattern Awareness Work for You
Once you begin identifying these patterns, you can break the cycle and shift workplace relationships from bitter to better.
Here’s a simple exercise to try:
- Think of a recent workplace conflict. What role did you play? Were you the Blamer, the Avoider, the People-Pleaser, or the Power Struggler?
- Identify the root pattern. Does this reaction remind you of how you handled conflict in your family or past experiences?
- Choose a different response next time. Instead of falling into the same reaction, try pausing, asking a clarifying question, or inviting collaboration.
Final Thought: Transforming Workplaces One Pattern at a Time
The next time workplace tension rises, remember: You’re not just dealing with a single moment—you’re dealing with a pattern that has played out many times before. But the power to change that pattern is in your hands.
By blending the bitter with the better—awareness with action—you can transform workplace conflicts into opportunities for growth. And when one person leads the way, it inspires others to do the same.
So, what workplace pattern will you break today?
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