Let’s start with the truth: change isn’t a light switch. You can’t just decide to change and expect the heavens to part and your stress to vanish. Real, lasting change — the kind that shifts not just your habits but your entire way of relating to the world — requires deeper work. It takes courage, commitment, and the right map.

Dear Dr. Sylvia,

I never thought I’d say this out loud, but here it is: I’m ready to reinvent myself—and I need a coach to help me do it.

It hit me while listening to a podcast with Michelle Obama. She was talking about her midlife transformation—how, after years of being in the spotlight and raising her daughters, she’s entering a new phase of life. She’s no longer “First Lady,” and no longer a full-time mom. She’s rediscovering herself.

And that’s when I realized—I’m in the same boat. Well, not exactly the same boat—mine doesn’t come with Secret Service. But the emotional shift? Oh yes. That part is universal.

I’m now semi-retired, with a kind, retired husband, grown sons who are thriving, and adorable grandchildren I love but don’t have to raise. Life is stable. Peaceful. Predictable. But here’s the truth: I’m craving more.

I still work part-time in Human Resources at a successful small business, but something in me has shifted. I’m tired of just being task-oriented, always grounded. I want to lift off. I want to soar.

In fact, I want to write a book about my career in HR—about the lessons, the laughable moments, and the leadership insights that could help others. That’s the creative side of me pushing to the surface.

And there’s something else—something deeper. I’ve always been the quiet, conventional one. But now, in this new chapter of life, I want to “dance in the rain and sing to the rainbows.” Yes, I just went poetic. And no, I’m not apologizing for it.

I’m looking for guidance. Tools. A roadmap. Ideas to help me embrace this reinvention with courage and clarity. I want to become a lightning rod for others—especially those who’ve spent years playing it safe and are now itching to break free, take risks, and live out loud.

Dr. Sylvia, how do I do that? How do I transition with grace, grow with grit, and maybe even sparkle a little along the way?

Sincerely,
Ready to Transform

From Playing It Safe to Soaring: A Midlife Reinvention Inspired by Michelle Obama

Dear Ready to Transform,

Yay you!

I’ve spent decades helping leaders, teams, and entire organizations shed outdated patterns and stress-inducing reactions that began way before their first job title. I don’t do surface-level tweaks. I help people become Transformers — not the cartoon kind, but the kind that evolves from within and elevates everyone around them.

Transformation vs. Transaction

Here’s the first wake-up call: Most “change programs” are transactional. They focus on tools, to-do lists, and behavior modification. Useful? Sure. But shallow. They’re the leadership equivalent of slapping duct tape on a leaky pipe.

True transformation is different. It’s about digging into where your patterns began (yes, your original organization: your family), how those unexamined beliefs show up in your work, and how to finally complete the past instead of repeating it.

This is the bedrock of my work. Whether through executive coaching, team interventions, or my online programs like Stress Mastery, GUTSY Women Lead, or Total Leadership Connections, we go deeper. And that’s where the magic happens.

The 3 Truths of Being a True Transformer

1. Your Past is Present — Until You Deal With It

Let’s say you’re a perfectionist who can’t delegate. Or someone on your team shuts down every time there’s conflict. Or maybe you’ve got a boss who micromanages like it’s a competitive sport. These aren’t personality flaws. They’re patterns — survival mechanisms from early life.

In my work, I help people see the root, not just the fruit. We can untangle the behavior once we uncover the early experiences driving it for good.

Transformation tip: Whenever you feel triggered, ask yourself, “Where have I felt this before?” Trace the emotion back, not to the last meeting, but to the first memory. That’s where change begins.

2. Stress Isn’t Just a Nuisance — It’s Your Teacher

I coined the term Invisible Stress to describe the low-grade, chronic pressure so many people live with, often without even realizing it. It’s the stress of being “not enough,” walking on eggshells, and over-functioning so you won’t be abandoned or criticized.

My methods don’t just apply coping tools. We decode stress to learn what it tells us about our deeper stories.

Participants in our Stress Mastery program don’t just feel better—they become better leaders, parents, and partners because they finally hear the message through the noise.

Transformation tip: The next time you’re stressed, instead of pushing through, use the power of the pause and ask: “What pattern is being activated right now?” Your body is speaking. Are you listening?

3. Change That Lasts is Systemic, Not Solo

Most leadership advice says, “Be more confident.” “Set better boundaries.” “Manage your time.” Great. But what if the entire team is swimming in outdated assumptions, hidden resentments, and inherited roles?

That’s why I focus on systems thinking. Change one person, and you may see a blip. Change the system — the way people relate, communicate, and make decisions — and you create sustainable results.

Whether it’s transforming “The Clown” into a purposeful “Humorist” or helping a “Victim” pattern evolve into an empowered change-maker, “the Explorer,” my method connects the head, heart, and gut. Hence, leadership becomes not just strategic but soulful.

Transformation tip: Don’t just ask what you need to change. Ask: “What unspoken rules are running this place?” Example: No matter what you say, the CEO will not listen to you so dont bother. Change gets traction when the system evolves.

The Transformer’s Roadmap: Complete It or Repeat It

In my upcoming book, Complete It or Repeat It: How the Past Lives in the Present — And What to Do About It, I unpack the 13 most common behavior patterns that sabotage success. More importantly, I show how each one can be transformed into a leadership superpower.

Because here’s the deal: underneath every “problem employee,” “difficult boss,” or stressed-out executive is a human being longing to break free of old patterns.

They don’t need another leadership hack. They need to become a Transformer.

Are You Ready to Become the Transformer in Your Life and Work?

Whether you’re leading a team, running a household, or trying to stay sane in today’s chaotic world, here’s your invitation:

Ditch the drama or the need to rescue others
Decode your patterns and live life fully
Design a new story

I’ll help you do it with proven methods that integrate neuroscience, family systems, emotional intelligence, and a healthy dose of straight talk.

Because you can’t build a better future until you understand the blueprint you’ve been living from.

Let’s tear up the old map. Let’s draw a new one together.

Want to Start Your Transformation Today?

Take the Stress Mastery Quiz

Join the Total Leadership Connections online program
Read the book that started it all: Don’t Bring It to Work

Or better yet — send me a message: [email protected]. Let’s talk.

You’re not broken. You’re patterned. And patterns can be changed.

You just need the right transformer tool

To your success,

Sylvia Lafair