Summary: Trust is a leader’s currency; make sure you don’t go bankrupt. Here are seven ways to consider navigating the complexities of trust. Also, a bonus true story from my executive coaching practice.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
In every team meeting, we need to examine how we want to work together. There is a mysterious word that appears near the top of the leaders’ board.
It’s the word trust.
Like love, it is hard to define, yet easier to acknowledge when it is present.
We need help in untangling what the word means and, even better, how to integrate it into our very complex global organization.
Signed,
Seeking a Better Way
Trust and TRUTH Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Jelly
Dear Seeker,
So glad you are searching for what is not obvious at first. The invisible realm is real and wants to be discovered and utilized. We simply have to ask more curious questions.
Trust is the invisible glue that holds teams, departments, and entire organizations together.
Break it, and you’re not just dealing with a hiccup; you’re triggering a leadership earthquake.
And here’s the kicker: Most leaders don’t break trust in one grand betrayal. It’s chipped away, slowly, by the kind of avoidable mistakes leaders make every day.
If you’ve ever wondered why your once-tight team feels distant, disengaged, or downright suspicious, it might be time to audit your own trust behaviors.
Let’s dive into the seven most common trust-destroyers and how to course-correct, before you become the leader people fear more than follow.
Saying “My Door Is Always Open” (When It’s Really Not)
Mistake: Leaders often use this line, but when employees knock—literally or figuratively—they’re often met with reschedules, distractions, or defensiveness.
Fix: If you offer openness, back it up. Block off real, distraction-free office hours and actually listen.
Pro tip: If someone takes the risk to come to you with feedback, don’t reward them with icy body language and a calendar invite for two weeks from now.
Playing Favorites (Even If You Swear You Aren’t)
Mistake: Trust takes a nosedive when team members see you consistently backing the same few people, especially when they’re not delivering results.
Fix: Be transparent about decisions, promotions, and opportunities. Praise publicly and diversify your time investment across your team. If someone brings this pattern to your attention, don’t deny it; get curious.
There is a story at the end that provides more details about truth and trust. It changed a sales team in a major pharmaceutical company.
In fact, they received a huge bonus that came after they exhibited more ability to speak the truth, which deepened trust.
Careful About Ghosting After Promising Change
Mistake: “We hear you,” you say after a team town hall. And then… nothing changes. No follow-up. No action. Just crickets.
Fix: Don’t overpromise. Instead, follow up in phases, even if it’s just, “Here’s where we are in the process.” People don’t expect miracles; they expect movement.
Withholding the “Why” Behind Decisions
Mistake: Leaders sometimes go into “executive mode” and forget their team isn’t psychic. Making changes without providing context breeds fear, rumors, and resentment.
Fix: Context builds trust. Explain why, not just the what. Even if the news isn’t rosy, people will respect your honesty.
Pretending Everything’s Fine (When It’s Not)
Mistake: When leaders put on a mask of “toxic positivity,” pretending all is well while layoffs, budget cuts, or chaos swirl, trust evaporates.
Fix: Vulnerability is a leadership strength. Saying “I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I do know” builds more loyalty than a forced smile ever will.
Taking Credit, But Not Responsibility
Mistake: Leaders who celebrate team wins as their own and point fingers when things go wrong are trust sinkholes in a suit.
Fix: Flip it. Give public credit to your team and private correction when needed. Step up and own the mistakes—that’s where respect lives.
Overloading Without Support
Mistake: “You’ve got this!” sounds supportive until it’s clear that it means “You’re on your own.” Delegating without guidance can feel like abandonment.
Fix: Delegation is not abdication. Ensure that resources, time, and coaching are in place so that people feel empowered, not overwhelmed.
True Story: The Imploding Offsite
One leader I coached, whom we’ll call Mike, decided to “boost morale” by organizing a high-end offsite for his team after a grueling quarter. Good intent, bad execution.
Human resources warned him that there were complaints about playing favorites.
His response was negative, telling the HR representative that his team was a bunch of ‘sissies,’ and he would handle it.
Ignoring the warning that many were ready to file a complaint, he picked the date without asking, didn’t clarify the purpose beyond “team building,” and arranged a jam-packed schedule that left zero breathing room.
I warned him, as the executive coach. He shrugged me off. “I’m fine, just take care of my whiny team.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Mike.” We were still in a new relationship, and his idea of command and control was about to crumble. I hoped that there would be no casualties.
People grumbled. After a wasted morning of team members playing “cover your butt,” one brave soul finally said, “We need to let the elephant in the room go outside.”
The courageous guy discussed how one team member was receiving all the perks that would lead to a raise and promotion, while everyone else seemed invisible.
Mike was crushed. He thought he was giving a gift to a talented employee.
I took charge and suggested that everyone have a chance to speak and be heard.
Truth and Trust Are the Bedrock of Psychological Safety
What was most dramatic was when “the favorite” was asked to speak and said, “Yes, I do get better opportunities and am much more visible than my teammates.”
Mike was shocked.
Then, his “favorite” shared that he always felt judged and left out of offline discussions with the others.
He turned to Mike and said, “ I never asked to be special, and the cost for me is high.”
What he gave was a reminder that when trust is fragile, even a good gesture can backfire if there’s no real listening first.
After a raw team meeting and some humble pie, Mike course-corrected.
At first shocked, he finally came to realize that he was giving Tom bigger pieces of the team pie. When I asked him why, his response was robust. “Tom reminds me of when I was a newbie employee. I never had a mentor or, as you say, a champion. It was what I craved when I was a child or even a younger employee.
We took an afternoon break, and I guided Mike to see clearly. It was there, right in front of him, the invisible desire to be special that he yearned for from his dad was now visible.
Things started to change. First, he took the risk to be vulnerable, and then he was able to change course.
Mike began involving his team in planning, started monthly one-on-ones (with no agenda), and, brace yourself, actually canceled a few meetings when they weren’t needed.
Six months later, the same team that eye-rolled their way through the offsite was named the top sales team in the very competitive company.
Even better, they voted Mike “most supportive leader” on a company-wide survey.
Bottom Line: Trust Is Slow to Build and Fast to Burn
Avoiding these mistakes leaders make isn’t about perfection. It’s about intention, consistency, and humility. As a leader, your ability to foster trust isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about small, consistent behaviors that say:
“I see you. I hear you. I’ve got your back.”
Mess that up too often, and you’re not leading, you’re just managing mistrust.
Listen first and comment after.
When Mike was able to face the truth, acknowledge his blind spots, and be vulnerable enough to speak the truth, a new layer of trust emerged within his team.
He made the changes by speaking out, and everything changed.
Trust is the bedrock of trust, and as a leader, that is how you can build a strong foundation.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Want to Break the Pattern of Broken Trust?
Discover how childhood patterns influence leadership behaviors and learn how to transform them for the better in the book “Don’t Bring It to Work.” Or schedule a strategy call with me at sylvia@ceoptions.com to build trust that sticks.
