Summary: Let’s talk about oversharing. It’s that awkward moment when someone turns a team meeting into a therapy session. You’ve seen it. You’ve cringed. Maybe (gulp) you’ve even done it. Welcome to the land of Too Much Information (TMI) at work. Today’s world of stress has this population growing fast.
Dear Dr Sylvia,
Why do smart, competent adults suddenly unload their personal baggage in a professional setting? Is it vulnerability gone wild? A cry for help? Or a deeper pattern leaking out from the past?
I would love your thoughts.
Signed,
Share Just Enough
Work is NOT a Rehab Facility!
Dear Share Just Enough,
Let’s unpack it. I hope this will make sense for you and help you be an effective team leader when someone goes on and on and…
Oversharing at work is rarely just about what’s happening in the workplace.
Where Oversharing Comes From: It’s Not About the Office
Here’s the deal: Your family system, yes, the original organization where you learned how to behave, relate, and cope, trained you in one of two directions. From my book Invisible Stress (It’s Not What You Think) here is a great way to see where you or anyone else fits:
- Stuffers: “Don’t talk about it, don’t feel it, and definitely don’t bring it up at dinner.” These are the folks who “live” in Zombieville where it is very, very quiet. That is until they finally develop chronic physical ailments.
- Spillers: “Here, let me give you a front-row seat to my inner monologue and all my emotional tornadoes.” These are the folks who live in Freakoutville and have never learned the art of silence.
Guess what? Both show up at work.
Spillers tend to confuse connection with confession. But here’s the twist: oversharing isn’t vulnerability. It’s usually anxiety in a costume. It’s a pattern screaming for completion, not attention.
Understanding these family dynamics are key insights into how family patterns shape workplace behavior.
Oversharing vs. Healthy Sharing: Know the Line
How do you know when you’ve crossed from “sharing to connect” into “sharing to self-soothe”?
Healthy sharing sounds like:
- “I’ve had a rough morning and might need a moment to gather myself.”
- “This topic brings up something personal for me — can I have a bit more time to respond?”
- “I’m working through something, but I’m here and focused.”
Oversharing sounds like:
- “I haven’t slept in 6 days because my boyfriend’s cousin is crashing on our couch and brought his lizard.”
- “I had a breakdown this morning, my dog is on Prozac, and my landlord hates me.”
- “This reminds me of my fourth stepdad, which is why I don’t trust marketing teams.”
Too much info? Yep. Unfiltered vulnerability without context, boundaries, or purpose? Double yep.
Let’s be real: vulnerability without emotional regulation is just emotional dumping. It costs team cohesion, trust, and productivity.
The Hidden Costs of TMI in the Workplace
Here’s what oversharing really does:
- Derails meetings. Now everyone’s wondering if they should bring tissues next time.
- Erodes psychological safety. It makes others less likely to share.
- Puts the listener in a therapist role. Unless your team includes a licensed clinician, that’s not fair or functional.
- Masks deeper patterns. It’s often a coping strategy from childhood screaming for attention.
Let’s say it plainly: Oversharing is not the same as emotional intelligence. It’s usually unprocessed emotion begging for validation. And it rarely leads to resolution.
Why People Overshare at Work: The 3 Pattern Clues
If you want to stop the cycle, you’ve got to understand the why behind it. More about this in my book “Don’t Bring It To Work.”
1. The Pleaser Pattern
You overshare because you think being open makes you lovable. You spill your pain as a way to earn connection.
“If I show them everything, they’ll trust me.”
Nope. They’ll just avoid you in the breakroom.
2. The Drama King/Queen
You’ve learned that big emotions equal big attention. You unconsciously crave chaos to feel alive.
“The more intense I am, the more people will see me.”
They see you, alright! But they’re hiding behind their screens.
3. The Rebel
You don’t trust authority, so you test boundaries with TMI. You dare others to react. You test others “Let’s see if you can handle the real me.”
Newsflash: The real you deserves boundaries too.
What to Do Instead: Share Smarter, Not Louder
Here’s how to lead with emotional maturity instead of emotional leakage:
Pause Before You Post
Before you speak or type it, ask:
- “Is this helpful to the team?”
- “Is this relevant right now?”
- “Am I seeking connection or validation?”
Know Your Triggers
Oversharing is often a stress response. When stress rises, so does the urge to over-disclose. Learn your internal alarm system. That is how you upgrade your coping strategies.
Use the 3-Breath Rule
Take 3 slow breaths. Then respond. That 10-second pause can save you from weeks of side-eye silence.
Get Support, Not an Audience
Share your personal journey with a coach, a therapist, or a trusted friend. Not the whole project team during a Monday morning stand-up.
Leaders, Pay Attention: Your Culture Reflects Your Boundaries
If your team has an oversharing problem, it’s not just a them issue. It’s a culture issue. Leadership requires setting tone, not just tolerating behavior. Leadership Unleashed goes deep into how habitual, inherited behaviors influence how we lead (and how others follow).
LinkedIn’s workplace insights highlight how well-meaning vulnerability can backfire when context, timing, and audience are ignored.
As a leader, your job is to model appropriate vulnerability with discernment. That means:
- Normalizing mental health without turning the office into a confessional.
- Encouraging real talk without enabling emotional hijacking.
- Offering empathy without becoming a dumping ground.
Create space for real connection. Set the tone. as in: safe to be human, not a free-for-all for chaos.
Final Thought: Complete the Pattern or Repeat It Loudly
Work is not your therapist’s office. It’s where unhealed patterns come to perform… until you call them out.
So if you find yourself or your team oversharing, ask this:
“What am I really trying to express? What’s the healthy way to do it?”
Because guess what? You can be real, raw, and responsible, all at the same time. That is called emotional maturity.
And when you master that? That’s leadership.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Want help untangling oversharing patterns and building a culture of emotionally intelligent communication?
Let’s talk. Your next step might not be another share — it might be a pattern breakthrough.
