Summary: This is a tale of workplace conflict and redemption that shows you ways to make real change happen. Enjoy it and use it in your own work life.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am so tired of fighting with my colleagues at work. My pattern is “the clown.” I make funny jokes (at least, I think they are humorous) to alleviate the stress and tension when there are disagreements.
However, nothing really changes.
In the Total Leadership Connections Program, I learned that the clown could be transformed into a humorist.
Rather than deflecting away from the issues at hand, I learned to use humor with a purpose: to help others see a better way.
What are more ways to go, as you often say, “from bitter to better?”
Signed,
A fan of your work
Dear Fan,
Thanks for appreciating the work I do to make the workplace work better.
I am also pleased you can see your pattern as the clown at work.
During your time in the TLC program, you became a more decisive leader, helping your team work more effectively.
Here is a true story from one of the teams I work with at a large corporation.
The Rebel Transforms to The Community Builder
The story starts early on a Tuesday. The tension in the conference room was thick enough to cut with a knife. The marketing team had just presented their latest campaign, only to be met with scathing criticism from the sales director, Greg. His words were sharp, his tone dismissive.
“This is completely off-brand,” he sneered. “You’re wasting time on fluff instead of giving us something we can sell.”
The head of marketing, Lisa, clenched her fists under the table. She had poured weeks of effort into this campaign. Her team had worked late nights, skipped weekends. And now, with a few bitter words, Greg had shredded their work to pieces.
The Bitter Side of Work
Every workplace has its moments of bitterness. Think of a colleague who undermines your ideas. Perhaps you have a boss who never acknowledges your hard work. Then, there are teams that feel divided rather than united.
When faced with this negativity, the instinct is to push back, to engage in the battle of egos, or worse, to retreat in silent resentment. But what if, instead of seeing these moments as personal attacks, we saw them as invitations for transformation?
Blending the Bitter with the Better
The story continues: Back in the conference room, Lisa took several deep breaths. She could fire back at Greg. She could tell him exactly how she felt about his arrogance. But instead, she chose a different approach—one that blended the moment’s bitterness with something better.
Rather than using her old pattern as The Rebel, fighting for her way, speaking up, and keeping the anger building, she chose the role of Community Builder.
Here is how the contentious time unfolded.
“Greg,” she said, keeping her voice steady, “I hear that you’re frustrated. Can you pinpoint exactly what’s missing for you? What would make this campaign stronger?”
Greg, caught off guard, hesitated. “Well… we need clearer value propositions. Something our clients can grasp in seconds.”
Lisa nodded. “That’s fair. Let’s refine our messaging together. Your feedback is valuable—let’s channel it into making this campaign stronger rather than tearing it down.”
For the first time in months, Greg softened. He was used to people shutting down around him, not inviting him to contribute. The tension in the room eased as the conversation shifted from blame to collaboration.
Turning Workplace Drama into Growth
The key to blending “the bitter with the better” at work isn’t about suppressing negative emotions or pretending conflicts don’t exist. It’s about using challenges as stepping stones for improvement rather than roadblocks to success.
How You Can Apply Pattern Transformation in Your Workplace:
- Pause Before Reacting – When faced with criticism or negativity, take a breath before responding. A pause can prevent unnecessary escalation.
- Find the Hidden Value in Conflict – Even the harshest criticism often contains a nugget of truth. Instead of dismissing it, look for ways to use it constructively.
- Lead with Curiosity, Not Defensiveness – Ask open-ended questions to better understand the other person’s perspective. “What would make this better?” is a powerful phrase.
- Turn Complaints into Collaboration – Instead of engaging in a power struggle, invite others to be part of the solution.
- Model Emotional Maturity – The workplace needs more people who can turn tension into teamwork. Be the example others follow.
Transforming Outdated Patterns: A Choice We All Have
Workplaces will always have their Gregs. There will always be difficult conversations, harsh feedback, and moments of frustration. But we all have the power to transform bitterness into something better—not by avoiding it, but by blending it with wisdom, patience, and a willingness to collaborate.
The next time you find yourself in a workplace battle, ask yourself: Will I let this moment make me bitter? Or will I use it to make things better?
The choice is yours.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Do your own inner work first to learn the route from bitter to better. The SANKOFA MAP in my book “Don’t Bring It To Work” will help you see where your patterns of reactionary behavior started. This is very eye-opening and will keep you in the better lane more of the time.
PSS: You can email me directly at [email protected] to receive a copy of the 13 most common Behavior Patterns and their transformations.
