In times of chaos and conflict, most people either freeze, fume, or flee. But smart leaders? They align. Align what, you ask? Not your calendar. Not your chakras (though hey, that might help too). We’re talking about Triple Alignment™: Head, Heart, Gut. It’s a new way of thinking about conflict resolution for leaders.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Everyone is stressed these days. And I know from doing your Stress Mastery program, that stress and conflict are very cozy bedfellows.
You talk about using, as you call it, the “Triple Alignment ” of head, heart, and gut when conflict is thick.
I would appreciate a cheat sheet of more intuitive leadership skills to help me navigate today’s financial roller coaster and understand why many lack emotional intelligence in the workplace.
I want to lead my staff in a way that will bring us results, not misery.
Signed,
Need Relief
Glimmers Will Lead the Way Out of Conflict if You Listen
Dear Need Relief,
The typical ways most see leadership during conflict are to debate, shut down, or ignore.
It gets you the same old anger, gossip, and eventually lawsuits.
Here are better ideas on how to use intuitive leadership skills for better outcomes at work (and home, too).
When your three inner intelligences work together, you no longer want to hide in the breakroom with a stale donut.
Please remember that I always teach about connections, that everything is connected in some way.
Your connections are physical, mental and emotional and when you align all three you have a better chance of succeeding.
Let’s look at the major contributors to better conflict outcomes.
HEAD: The Strategist
Your head asks:
“What makes logical sense?”
When you’re in conflict, the head wants to solve the problem, write the email, hold the meeting. But be warned—logic without emotion = robotic leadership.
You might win the argument and lose the relationship. That’s a hollow victory.
I have seen this too often. You win, and soon, there is a frustrated employee handing in a resignation.
Or, the gossip at work becomes a tsunami that causes more damage than needed.
Thus, use your head, without the other pasts of you is a losing situation.
HEART: The Empath
Your heart whispers:
“How does this feel—for me and for them?”
The heart checks for empathy, connection, and values. It’s the inner leader who sees the person behind the conflict.
But too much heart without clarity leads to enabling, over-apologizing, and yes, burnout.
Head without heart is cruel, and heart without head is weak.
The missing piece comes next.
GUT: The Instinct
Your gut growls:
“Is this safe? Am I being true to myself?”
Gut intelligence is your primal alarm system. It spots manipulation and hidden power plays. It’s your early warning system.
But too much gut and you may act impulsively—or shut down altogether.
We need all three to create a polished and profitable response.
The Glimmer Moment: Pause to Align
Here’s the real secret, drawn from my upcoming book GLIMMERS: How Head, Heart, and Gut Illuminate the Leader’s Path:
When in conflict, pause and ask:
- What am I thinking? (Head)
- What am I feeling? (Heart)
- What am I sensing deep down? (Gut)
When your answers align—or better yet, illuminate each other—you move from reactive to responsive, from stressed to strategic.
That’s the glimmer. That’s the transformation.
Why Listen to Me?
Because I’ve worked with thousands of leaders—from scrappy startups to Fortune 100 boardrooms—and here’s what I’ve learned:
- Unresolved conflict costs your company time, money, and talent
- Much workplace tension is old family drama in new clothes (yes, your inner 12-year-old shows up at team meetings)
- Leaders who align head, heart, and gut make the most impactful and innovative decisions
And yes, I’ve been honored with awards for my research and programs like Total Leadership Connections and Stress Mastery, which are designed to turn invisible patterns into powerful breakthroug
Final Word: From Conflict to Clarity
When conflict strikes, don’t just react. Realign.
Your head, heart, and gut each hold a piece of the puzzle. Bring them into the same room, and you’ll not only handle conflict—you’ll transform it.
Because that’s what leaders do.
They take glimmers… and make them game changers.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: I just wanted to give you a heads-up that my GLIMMERS book will be out soon.
