Dear Dr. Sylvia,
The past few weeks have been like living in a super hot hell. There have been a ton of arguments and drama, mainly because one woman wants her way and is dividing our staff (we only have 20 people working on-site).
There is Team A (Suzie’s team) and Team B (my team). It is evenly split with 10 for Suzie and 10 for me, Samantha. No real work is getting done. The issues are so stupid I don’t even want to mention them. It is, so my friends at other organizations tell me, not that different from what they have experienced.
However, it is getting worse. Untrue comments are flying around (on both sides I might add) and the two of us are having a meeting with HR at the end of this week.
HELP!
Signed,
Sad in Seattle
Dear Sad,
Without many details I will have to do some guessing. I also will dig down into what is usually underneath the ugliness of opposing teams when you are really all in the same organization, on the same team.
Here is one way to think about what is going on. Loyalty and passion to one person can turn perfectly reasonable people upside down.
Arguments and drama, shrill or silent, sabotage relationships and work effectiveness. Unspoken and often deeply invisible thoughts are activated when debates about who is right become overheated (thus you are right about living in a very hot hell!).
Stress moves through very quickly and without awareness outdated, ingrained behavior patterns learned early in life take over. This is what we will tackle in our GUTSY WOMEN WEEKEND in July.
There are vital questions to ask and perhaps you can take the GUTSY lead and bring some of this up when you and Suzie meet with your HR representative. I can send you some good ways to begin the dialogue from our “NEW PERSPECTIVES” program we do with two people who are at loggerheads with each other and need, well…. New perspectives.
And anyone else out there in the same unpleasant place, please send me a detailed email and I will be pleased to help.
Best,
Sylvia
