I’ve been getting lots of questions about how to deal with the narcissist lately. I began to wonder if this personality type is more prevalent, or at least more obvious during times of extra stress.
So, I did a deep dive into various publications and paid special attention to the news.
Yes, there are lots of Narcissists in the news.
I have a few that stand out for me.
How about you? I’d love to compare notes.
Then I started to think about where narcissism starts. It led me right back to my book where I sort through the behavior patterns and personality traits that are part of our developmental years.
The patterns I discuss in ‘Don’t Bring It to Work” are the ones that we learned as kids from our original organization, the family, and bring with us to work.
They get in the way of connection, communication, and collaboration at work (and at home, I might add).
The pattern I discuss in detail that comes closest to the narcissist is the Super Achiever. That is the individual I call the “me, me, me guy or gal.”
Super Achievers and Narcissists are very much alike.
They boast about how good they are.
They are not team players.
They steal ideas from others and claim them for their own.
They talk a great game.
They show off and claim they have special talents yet, without much substance.
They are self-obsessed.
They damage others without thought of consequences.
They cut off people rather than work through issues.
They love high-end material things and shiny objects that cost lots of money.
They ghost people who no longer matter in their quest for greatness.
They claim to care about you, and about making the world a better place.
And, truth be told, they really never care about you unless you can do something for them.
Super achievers and narcissists don’t want to change. Often, they are not even aware of how self-indulgent they are.
They want you to cater to them, bow to them and listen to them. They KNOW better about what really matters.
Got the idea
Now for the downside. (Yes, there is more).
The super achiever and the narcissist also have a great deal of victim psychology underneath the bravado. They play the victim card when they feel they are being disrespected or discarded.
You hear “No one ever asks if I’m okay and I do so much for so many.”
Just notice when someone you know who thinks they are King or Queen of the Hill decides you or whoever has discounted them.
You get fired if you have the unholy privilege of working for them.
You are talked about in negative ways.
You are thrown out of their very tight-knit tribe.
You will be the target of their revenge.
Do you get the drift?
Now, what to do if you are in a relationship with, work with, or just happen to be around one of these destructive types of people.
Here’s what I suggest you do.
Just stop playing into their narrative or it will cost you emotionally and/or fiscally.
They may write a book and you will be slimed. They will not support you and you may end up jobless. They will make sure you are considered untrustworthy and unwanted by their ‘in-crowd.’
Enough! You get it.
I had a super achieving narcissist do some marketing for me years ago. It cost a ton of wasted money till I woke up.
It was expensive hogwash.
And yet, I learned a great deal about my own weakness for being ‘romanced’ and told how great my work is and what he could do to help me.
I had to address how and why I got entrapped by this narcissist.
Did I change my relationship with Mr. Narcissist?
However, from that awful, expensive encounter I learned some uncomfortable truths about myself.
There is good news, however,
Patterns can be transformed into their healthy opposite with some inner work about how they developed in the first place. The super achiever/narcissist can become a powerful creative collaborator who is respected and really does make a difference.
Want to know the top 13 top patterns at work and their positive transformations?
I’ve got a fascinating video series that explains each one and you’ll get clarity about what might be holding you back!