How to Become Conflict Competent

Anyone can become conflict competent. Yes…even those who argue ALL THE TIME. Here’s how to do it.

Dear Dr Sylvia, 

I have been fighting with everyone lately. That includes my boss, my spouse, my kids, my assistant, my co-workers, even the check- out guy at the supermarket. 

I should not complain. 

But I must! 

You can call me a whiner or a spoiled child. 

I know, I know, I can get up later in the morning and not worry about over- the- top traffic. I have more time to eat sensible meals and can binge -watch Bridgerton at night. 

Not sure why I am such a mess.  

My husband insists it’s hormonal. (I think most men want to blame ‘that time of month’). 

I insist he’s wrong.  Cause, I’m a raving witch all month. 

I have been going the self-help route lately but it’s not giving me what I need. 

I hate meditating cause my mind wanders too much.  

And that positivity stuff simply makes me feel worse, like I’m letting the world down when my anxiety is out of control. 

I’m worried about my career, my family, my emotional state.  

Wherever I look, the main color is gray. I’m tired of the conflict and the tension. 



Nasty and Mean 

Dear N and M, 

Take a deep breath and get a cool glass of water. Sip it slowly (that can be your meditation) while you read this. 

It sounds like you are caught in a downward spiral from the very unusual year that has taken over the planet. 

Most of my clients are telling me that stress is higher than usual and sometimes they just want to either hide under the covers or go outside and scream at the moon. 

It also appears you are more of a “shout it out” type rather than a “stuff it down” person. 

When you are upset you are more likely to become what I call conflict annoying

The “stuff it down” type becomes what I call conflict avoidant

What you want to do is become conflict-competent. 

What does that mean? 

It means learning how to navigate the middle route between too much and not enough. It means taking charge of your behavior. 

That’s better than attempting to pretend happiness all the time. 

Check out Tony Robbins or Mel Robbins (no, they are not related). 

Want more? Set up a complimentary coaching call with one of our coaches to help you find a better route to navigate the ups and downs of living through a pandemic. 

AND, if I may suggest, smile.  

I’m not talking about feigning happiness. I’m talking about a physical reaction to the frustrations of the day. 

Honestly, just fake it till you make it. Put your lips up toward your eyes and stay like that for a minute or two. There’s even research to prove this will help you feel better. 

Maybe not happy, just a bit better. 

Remember, my coaches and I are here for you, so reach out

To your success,

Sylvia Lafair