Office romance stress? I’ve seen it ALL before. Here’s my advice…
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I always thought I loved complexity and challenges in my life.
That is to say, I’m not sure anymore.
Why?
To clarify, here’s what’s going on and I need some good advice.
Looking for love in the wrong places?
Above all, I am in a new relationship.
Certainly, that’s all good. It keeps me as blissed out as a good dose of dark chocolate coupled with some great red wine.
However, and here is the tough part. My relationship is still a secret and I’m not sure what to do next.
Moreover, I am a super salesman in a large corporation. Therefore, my skills and talents get lots of recognition.
Therefore, my upset is why the heck I fell for my boss.
Moreover, she’s a few years older than I am (only three). Well, in this day and age, that’s no big deal. However, she is a VP and way above me in the pecking order.
Now, this is important.
In addition, whew, we are both divorced. Thus, no worries about a secret affair.
And yet, once we start to come forward with our relationship there will be lots of tongues wagging.
Favoritism at work can be deadly.
Above all, the issue is one of favoritism.
For example, our concern is that others in the company will gossip. The result is that they will say my great sales numbers are based on “insider knowledge.”
Then the rumor mill will have a field day with whatever they conjure up.
As a result, there is a BIG dilemma.
Subsequently, we are thinking it would be best if I quit and worked elsewhere. I know I can get another job pretty fast. EXCEPT, I love my job and I love her.
To complete the scenario, there are several married couples in my present organization. In one way, this is good. I know the powerful players will accept the fact that we work together.
However, it’s my colleagues in sales I worry about.
As a result, I am a stress mess! Junk food and, yup, beer or wine are the only things that help me sleep.
What are some new ways to think about….. everything?
Ideas???
Signed,
Lucky (at least in love)
Navigate complex times with ease
Dear Lucky,
Most importantly, relationships are complex–ALL relationships. Thus, working in the same company and topping that with having your boss as your lover does spice things up. Makes it chili-pepper hot.
Certainly, office romance stress is pretty much guaranteed.
The good news is, the world is changing. As a result, there can be more tolerance for looking at various situations without lots of conflict and negativity.
In the same vein, I’m glad it’s not a clandestine affair, those rarely turn out for the better.
Here is what I have observed. It’s time for you to go public.
In other words, once you decide to take your relationship public you will feel the impact of the announcement. It will, I can almost guarantee, be a source of lots of gossip.
This is where you and your lady need to be strong.
Your stress patterns will take center stage. Do you tend to shout it out when you are angry, or do you stuff it down?
Above all, know how you tend to handle stressful situations.
As a result, you will handle the initial stress of the ‘gossip train’ more effectively.
Consequently, you must prepare emotionally.
Consequently, the best way is to ‘practice safe stress. ‘ In other words, find out how to stay out of the noisy and active whirlpool you expect. Then you can navigate those busybodies.
To sum up, then you can bring your wonderful relationship into the sunshine.
Gossip is a funny thing.
It swirls and swells and is everywhere. It’s here today and gone…well, maybe not tomorrow.
It’s usually takes a month or so, along with most of your office romance stress.
As a result, the time in the crucible can make you both stronger. Don’t let the small-minded comments create dissension between the two of you.
Above all, I think you can stay where you are for now. Especially since you love your job, and you are really of value to the company. At least give it a whirl.
The gossip will die down as I suggest.
Make sure HR is in alignment. Check in with them before announcing your relationship to the world.
Here is what I have learned from other couples I have coached through this type of concern.
Time to stay confident.
Make sure you take deep breaths rather than give in to the gossip.
You do not have to defend, explain, or justify your behavior.
Yes, as I said, the noise will die down. That is unless you put more logs on the fire. Those who judge you would like that.
To sum up, hold your head up high and “PRACTICE SAFE STRESS.”
Similarly, that way you both can ‘go high when others go low.’
In short, you will learn more about both yourself and each other. In addition, you’ll learn how to give and get support during times of change.
As a result, all will be good.
In addition, give your present job a fair shot. If, over time, there are still too many potholes, then you can go in a new direction.
In the meantime, enjoy the beer and the dark chocolate. And even more: enjoy the bounty of being in love.
To your success,
Sylvia
P.S. In conclusion, stress affects everyone differently. Take the Stress Busters quiz to learn how you handle it and what you could be doing better. Enjoy!
