Does anger win or do you?
Do you ever stop long enough to think about anger?
When you feel that red hot flame of upset start in your gut, and it soon finds its way to your mouth.
Will you react with shouts ? Or swallow you rage and walk away as fast as possible?
Here’s what anger does to you
Above all, ask yourself: Are you glad you responded the way you did?
In other words, whether you shout it out or stuff it down, you want results.
Whichever way you express your annoyance; it does not guarantee it will go away.
In fact, it can make it worse.
Besides, anger leads to anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, headaches, even obesity.
In addition, it can ruin relationships.
What makes you so angry?
That’s the question you must ask.
For instance, some of you need to be angry less, and others angry more.
Does that surprise you?
In other words, anger is not the enemy, it needs to be understood and monitored.
Above all, how do you find that place between being too aggressive or too avoidant?
When does anger show up?
Most often, it is about survival and security.
It’s about feeling safe.
Also, when you are threatened, you react.
Sometimes you fight, other times you take flight, and then when confronted, you may even freeze in place.
Anger enters when the specific way you respond to situations is no longer working, and you do not yet have the tools to find a better way.
For instance, at work, anger shows up when your abilities to complete a project are questioned or when a co-worker complains you are difficult to work with.
Do you blame him, her, them?
Often, without thinking it through, you defend, explain, or justify your position.
Subsequently, you focus your upset on others and make them the culprits.
After that, the blame game is played with gusto.
To clarify, it’s easier to make someone else wrong rather than look within.
Sadly, this is the way most of the world turns.
Now, to the question of male and female ways to handle anger
Much of the research indicates that men can get angry faster and get over their anger more quickly. They point the finger at others and become very combative. After that, they move onto the next project. Not a lot of rehashing the past.
On the other hand, women will often stuff their anger. When the situation is discussed and potentially resolved, they hang onto their anger over days or weeks or longer. Even years later, women can still hold grudges.
Yet, there is definitely a better way to deal with anger
If this resonates with you, it’s time for a new perspective.
Most importantly, once you find the best ways to be accountable for your actions and reactions there is a radical, positive change.
It means looking at the habits and patterns that have become your ‘anger anchors’.
However, while it is absolutely stress-inducing to look at yourself honestly, warts and all, it can be done.
That goes for everyone.
Once you know what to change, it simply takes practice.
After that, your top-level leadership abilities become obvious. You will be highly respected and appreciated.
Isn’t that what you want?
New Ways of Responding
In conclusion, transforming anger is a life skill that is much like a life insurance policy. You will be healthier, happier, and relationships at home and work will flourish.
Here is your homework
What is your sense of anger at work? How do you handle it? Send me a story about a time when you were able to take a sticky situation and transform it to the positive. The best answers will get a copy of my newly revised “Leadership Quotes: Bumper Stickers for The Brain.”
Here’s to your success,