Summary: Change, of course, is an inevitable part of life, but some changes hit us harder than others. These are the seismic shifts—the ones that feel irrevocable, reshaping the foundation of our world. Whether it’s losing a loved one, a significant career upheaval, or moments being caught in the extremes of climate change, that’s when a surge of raw emotions can feel overwhelming. What you do with those emotions can determine whether they become stepping stones toward growth or unresolved triggers stored in the recesses of your mind, waiting to erupt when stress hits.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am afraid to make any bold moves at work right now.
We have the opportunity to purchase a company that is a perfect fit for our work in the wellness industry.
However, while that “GLIMMER” you talk about is as bright as the sun, it says, “Go for it,”
That GLIMMER calls out, “Strike while the iron is hot.”
Yet, my mind keeps saying, “Be careful; the world is falling apart. Stay safe.”
Any advice you can give to keep that GLIMMER stronger than the fear would be beneficial.
Signed,
Caught in the Middle
Reframe Stress When Change is in the Air
Dear Caught in the Middle,
We all, and that means all of us, vascillate when change is in the air.
I am writing about this in-between state as I complete my GLIMMERS book to be ready for publication in March.
Firstly, I would like to share how I learned about the impact of sudden change when I was fourteen years old.
It was an uneventful evening at home. After dinner, my parents went to visit friends. I did the dishes, talked to my friends, and went to bed. Tomorrow, I said to myself, will be a relatively boring day in school.
Here’s the short version of my rapid life change story.
In the middle of the night, my dad had a massive heart attack and died before the ambulance arrived.
Life changed, never to revert back to “just another boring day at school.”
Back then, there was minimal help for traumas, especially emotional traumas.
I just sucked up my confusion, fear, and mistrust of what life would offer me.
That is one of my main “WHY” reasons for combining personal and leadership work. It is from that unexpected, fateful day so many years ago.
In fact, the recent fires in the Los Angeles area have become very personal. They activated my old trauma about sudden change.
Indeed, we all see situations from our personal lens and what activates dread for one can activate courage for someone else.
I believe the more we know about what triggers us and what to do about it, the healthier we can be physically and emotionally.
Therefore, I have compiled a brief guide to help you face irrevocable change, let your emotions flow freely, and navigate tough times with resilience and self-awareness.
The Danger of Suppressing Emotions
When faced with massive change, the instinct to “keep it together” can feel like the only option. Society often rewards stoicism, viewing outward displays of vulnerability as weakness.
But suppressing emotions is like stuffing old, fragile clothes into a box marked “future stress.” Over time, those emotions fester, forming invisible stressors that creep into your life, sabotaging moments of calm with sudden outbursts or irrational fears.
The key is to allow yourself to feel.
Grieve the loss, cry the tears, scream into a pillow if you must. Giving yourself permission to process the rawness of your emotions is not indulgent—it’s essential.
Name What You Feel to Manage Stress
The first step in navigating through irrevocable change is to name your emotions. Are you feeling anger? Sadness? Fear? Sometimes, the act of naming what you feel can diminish its power over you.
Try this simple exercise:
- Sit in a quiet place and focus on your breathing.
- Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”
- Write down the first words that come to mind—no filtering.
Naming emotions brings clarity and reduces their grip, making them less likely to embed themselves in your memory as unprocessed baggage.
Release Without JUBLA (Judgement, Blame, Attack)
Letting emotions out can feel scary, especially if you’ve been conditioned to see vulnerability as a flaw. But emotional release is vital for healing. Here’s how to do it constructively:
- Cry It Out: Tears are your body’s way of releasing pent-up stress during tough times. Find a safe space to let the tears flow.
- Write Freely: Journaling is a powerful tool for unfiltered expression. Write as if no one will ever read it—raw, honest, and without fear of judgment.
- Physical Release: If emotions feel too intense to sit with, try movement. Dance, punch a pillow, or go for a brisk walk. Physical activity can help energy move through your body.
Stay in the Present by Saying, “That was Then; This is Now”
Irrevocable change can make the future feel uncertain and the past feel too painful to revisit. Grounding yourself in the present moment helps break the cycle of overwhelm.
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage your senses by focusing on what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Mindfulness keeps you rooted in the now.
- Breathing Exercises: Take deep, intentional breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. This simple practice calms the nervous system.
- Create Small Rituals: Whether it’s lighting a candle, sipping tea, or walking in nature, small rituals can provide comfort and stability.
Seek Support and Connect with Others
You don’t have to face tough times alone. Reaching out for support—whether from friends, family, or a professional—can be a lifeline. Sharing your story can reduce feelings of isolation and provide new perspectives.
If you find yourself stuck, consider therapy or coaching. Professionals can help you navigate complex emotions, identify patterns, and create actionable steps toward healing.
Reframe the Narrative to Create a New Beginning
Irrevocable change often feels like the end of something precious, but it can also mark the beginning of something new. Once you’ve processed the raw emotions, start to reframe the experience.
Ask yourself:
- What lessons can I take from this?
- How can this change shape me into a stronger, wiser person?
- What opportunities might emerge from this shift?
Reframing doesn’t diminish the pain, but it allows you to see growth and possibility amidst the chaos.
Tackle the Guilt of Survivorship and Create Space for Joy
Even in the darkest times, moments of joy can serve as a beacon of hope. Don’t feel guilty for smiling, laughing, or finding lightness during tough times. These moments are not a betrayal of your pain; they are a reminder of your resilience.
Make time for activities that bring you comfort, whether it’s reading a book, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones. Joy acts as a counterbalance to grief, helping you regain a sense of equilibrium.
Stop and Act Wisely When Stress Hits the Hot Button
Even after processing emotions, life has a way of testing us. Stressful moments can reignite old wounds, triggering reactions tied to unresolved pain. When this happens:
- Pause and breathe. Remind yourself that the current situation is not the past.
- Reflect on what the trigger is trying to teach you. Is it signaling an unmet need or a boundary being crossed?
- Respond rather than react. Give yourself a moment to choose your response, rather than letting the trigger control you.
Final Thoughts: Navigating Tough Times with Grace
Irrevocable change is a profound teacher, forcing us to confront our deepest fears and greatest vulnerabilities. By allowing yourself to feel, releasing emotions, and seeking support, you can transform pain into growth. Tough times will always challenge us, but they also offer an opportunity to rewrite our story, one chapter at a time.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Remember, healing is not linear, and stumbling along the way is okay. What matters is that you keep moving forward, embracing each moment with honesty, courage, and grace.
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