Gutsy Archives | CEOptions

Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns, Success

Are You Ready to Stop Self-Sabotaging?

Sylvia Lafair
October 8, 2019

I have received a rash of emails from women executives who are being plagued with self-doubt and a non-stop inner critic telling them “You fool, stop pretending. Business is never going to change.”

Does doubt keep you awake at night? Does that self-sabotaging voice get louder as the night becomes quieter? Do you know deep inside that you are destined for a more fulfilling work-life that just won’t ever happen?

Too many women are giving up and leaving great opportunities at work because they are self-sabotaging. There are such frustration and disappointment, and the results are to replay the old way: be passive and placating.

Here are the big questions: “How can that damn voice be tamed? What do I need to do to be fearless? What is the cost of being authentic?

Here is my response to all the ambitious, determined, creative women who are just getting tired waiting for the world to catch up with them and who are running out of patience, running on empty and still stuck in a cycle of self-sabotaging.

First, never give up!!!!

OK, I’ve been told: “That sounds good. Superficial and meaningless. If that’s all you can offer, you may as well stop right here.

Wait a second. There really is more.

WE MUST LOOK BACK BEFORE WE CAN BUILD FOR THE FUTURE.

What has been lost, trampled on, ignored, or avoided in your HERstory?

Here is the exercise that has helped thousands of women begin the journey to be fearless, authentic, stand out, be clear and ready to take on the world.

From my book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change (pages 9-13)

My client Kathy is typical of many modern women. She is well educated and knows how to be politically correct in today’s highly competitive business world. She can be direct and clear, commanding attention most of the time. She can lead a team to success and gain the respect of her direct reports.

Yet, there is a heavy steel door that appears almost impossible to open. It is about pushing past a mind-set that is generations old. One that still labels and demands females to be nice, appropriate, and domesticated so they do not get a reputation as a bitch!

Here is what Kathy did to see how deeply her mindset had been set when she was still a little girl.

I had her buy 3 children’s books, books that are for and about little girls.

Now it’s your turn. Browse Google to find 3 books that will help you figure out where you personally got stuck. Here are some hints: Did you read these as a kid? Cinderella, Snow White, Nancy Drew, Eloise, Fancy Nancy, Olivia. Find 3 and like an anthropologist read them to see how they helped you become socialized.

Yes, what you read did impact you. Yes, it did.

Then answer the following questions:

Little girls should always ____________________
Good little girls would never _________________
You should never associate with girls who ________
Girls who are popular because they _____________
The perfect life includes _____________________

Want to do a real deep dive into the role culture plays in your present mindset? Contact me and one of our coaches will lead you through what needs to be changed so you don’t get trapped with outdated ideas.

AND men…..give the gift that will give back to you in positive ways. Buy your favorite ladies a copy of GUTSY.

Growth, Gutsy, Managing Stress, Stress, Success

How to Get Out of the “Gotta- Do Syndrome” That Leads to Overwhelm

Sylvia Lafair
September 3, 2019

Have you found yourself stuck and wanting to get out of the “Gotta- Do Syndrome”? Let me share a quick story with you…

Donna was exhausted, David was frustrated, Dan was angry, and Dolores was disappointed.

No one was energized, relaxed, happy, or satisfied. Overwhelm had them ready to throw in the towel, quit their jobs, and find a place deep in the woods to put up a sign, “No Visitors!”

Each had a story of being:

Buried under a mass of deadlines
Trapped by a long to-do list
Labeled as over-demanding
Judged as obsessive
Distracted in relationships
Burnt out pleasing others

Does any of this sound like you?

In our world of Gotta- Do are you falling under the curse of too much work, not enough time, not enough resources, not enough energy, not enough ideas, not enough money, not enough talent, just plain not enough.

Do you find yourself freaking out, concerned you will disappoint people who expect so much from you? Are you afraid you will be seen as useless if you are not at the top of your game all the time? Worried that you will lose your mojo and not ever again be able to perform at your peak?

Look, all of this is true in our world that seems to move faster than the speed of light

And yet, you know you can do great things when you are energized and focused. However, when the fear at the core of the “Gotta- Do Syndrome” causes overwhelm, everything starts to fall apart.

Overwhelm leads to lowered physical health, lessened mental health, lousy relationships, and an overall depressed feeling about life, like “What am I doing all this for anyway?”

We’ve all been there and usually we blame him, her, them, the culture, the weather, the news media, ex-lovers, in-laws, our kids, the neighbor’s dog who never stops barking, the clients, the competitors, and certainly, please add to the list whatever you want,

However, these are just symptoms of the real problem. The real reason for the overwhelm is way deep down underneath the actual list of daily demands and upsets.

It has to do with your relationship to your relationships.

That’s right. It about YOU and YOUR WORLD VIEW.

It’s about finding the balance point between you and the words “YES” and “NO.”

You get to choose. Only you can decide what to decide. This is at the root of what we teach our busy, creative, successful clients. And if you don’t find the core causes for the overwhelm you will be just like that little hamster whose life is about incessant running on the same wheel day in and day out.

I have developed a whole plan to defeat overwhelm. However, just for now, let me offer one suggestion to ease the tension. I call it Breathe and Choose.

First, Breathe. Great, I heard you say, “I do that anyway.” Now, get a piece of paper. Using pen on paper (let the computer rest for a while) write down what needs to get done. Then you prioritize. Sounds easy. It’s not. At least, till you get used to making the deeper decisions about what really matters.

Let me give you an example from earlier in my life when I wished I really knew what mattered most and how to decide what to decide.

There was that day that I decided to go overtime with a client who needed me desperately (or so I thought) while my twelve-year-old daughter sat on the steps at school waiting for me as she watched all the other kids wave goodbye as they climbed into their homeward bound cars.

I figured my daughter would be fine. It was a sunny late afternoon and, hey, I had a job to do. And let me say, I figured she would understand that I was helping someone in need.

In saying “Yes” to my client I made a very big mistake. I can’t even remember my client’s name or what the issue was, all I know is I found a very unhappy little girl dangling her feet on the school steps who felt she had been put last and no amount of explaining how I was helping someone made a dent in the upset. Just a note here: this happened more than it should because I was trapped in Gotta-Do.

When I finally created The Prioritize Exercise life became much more manageable and yes, more fun. Here’s how it works. You write down what must be done in no real order, just write as fast as you can. Now go back and add all the things you want to do.

Then it’s ‘yes’ to keep and ‘no’ to gotta go.

It’s a similar exercise to what author Marie Kondo writes about in her book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” She has made a major impact on people organizing their homes.

I’m talking about how to organize your mind. It’s not that different. You need to clear out all the thoughts and demands that have been sitting in your mind creating so much clutter. Yes, simplify your home, your office, and now your mind.

Stop renting space in your brain to others who make demands on you.

Remember, it’s up to you to say keep it or give it to Goodwill when you clear out your possessions, now do the same with your brain. You oversee saying YES or NO. It’s your life, your brain, your choice.

This is the beginning of our specific process of throwing overwhelm to the curb. Once you get to the root cause of your personal overwhelm it begins to dissipate. Our clients say it’s kinda like magic.

Want more ideas? Set up a strategy session. Say YES, so we can help you find the perfect balance for your specific situation.

👉Click here to set up a strategy session: https://ceoptions.com/apply/

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sylvia

Business, Communication, Conflict Resolutions, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Being Able to Communicate for Clarity is Necessary

Sylvia Lafair
August 6, 2019

Being able to communicate for clarity is an art…even if we are speaking in the same language it’s often hard to get clear with another person.

My dear client Kellie called me, and I could tell she was choking back tears. I waited to see what the dilemma was. It was a big one. She was ready to quit the job because of an argument with her boss, that she said was ‘the last straw.’

I have also coached her boss, a gentleman who was almost always gracious and positive. So, I wondered, what could have set her over the edge.

Bottom line, it was a misunderstanding of choice of words and it really shook her to the core…and if she had just been able to communicate for clarity the drama could have been avoided.

Her boss was frustrated because she took time off without checking with him and no one knew where she was and could not get her on her cell phone.

He challenged Kellie and told her he thought she was being irresponsible and yes, he was angry. It became a ‘he said, she said,’ since she had told HR she was leaving to take a sick friend to the emergency room.

HR simply noted this, assumed she had told her boss and thought the matter was closed.

Kellie did the right thing and yet, was reprimanded. It was when her boss said she had been irresponsible that she flew off the handle. It was a word that had followed her throughout her teen years when she was caring for a sick mother and yet told no one when she left school early.

So, here she was, helping a friend and getting a sucker punch from her boss.

What could have been done differently? Could have either one of them effectively communicate for clarity and avoid this mess?

Mr. Boss could have asked what happened before he launched his attack. He didn’t take the time to get clear. And Kellie could have stopped him right at the start of his angry outburst and clearly told him what course she had taken.

Why do we hold back?

Why do so many of us crumble rather than go for deeper clarity? Why is there so much confusion when even just two people talk to each other, and often these are two people who want to get along?

More questions and less finger-pointing would work. AND sometimes we need to ask a question, listen to the answer and then…. Clarify that we are on the same page.

Kinda like the man who was stopped for driving a bit too fast:

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said “Why are there penguins in your truck?
The man replied, “These are my penguins, they belong to me.”
The policeman said, “You need to take them to the zoo.”
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again since he saw the penguins were still in the back of the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time.
“I thought I told you to take the penguins to the zoo.” The officer said.
“I did” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Clarity! Just one or two extra questions can save a lot of grief.

And Kellie with her boss? They have a new practice when they meet to make sure they are clear with each other by asking each other to repeat back what needs to be done, state their intentions, and offer responses that are short, to the point and yup.. very clear.

I will be covering, in detail, how to communicate for clarity in my on-line GUTSY WOMEN LEADERS program. This may be a good time to set up a call with me for further details.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Gutsy, Leadership Styles, Managing Stress

How do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Sylvia Lafair
July 30, 2019

When the heat index goes way into the red zone how do you stay calm, cool, and collected?

Here is a composite of the types of emails I have been getting the past month, mostly from the east coast of the U.S. and from much of Europe.

It goes something like this:

“It’s too hot to think. It’s too hot to talk. It’s too hot for anything except sitting in an air-conditioned room and checking Facebook. Can’t even concentrate to watch my favorite rerun of Suits.”

And then there are many who write: “The planet is in real trouble and we are not doing enough. We have done ourselves in and maybe the only place to go is to Mars. What about the little ones who will inhabit a flat, hot, and maybe even unlivable piece of real estate.”

The big ‘ask’ has been “What do we do during these times of stress that are certainly not in our personal realm to change. Can’t change the murky, miserable weather, can’t single-handedly stop the polar ice caps from melting, and refusing plastic straws in a restaurant feels like a helpful, yet meaningless act.”

The weather will change (and maybe end up too cold with tons of snow) and there will still be those who complain about the cold and those who will wring their hands and talk about climate change.

I was thinking about the bridge that needs to be considered between these two perspectives and I flashed to a time when we had invited the esteemed Ram Dass to teach at Creative Energy Options many years ago.

He was asked a variation of the question: “What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart. When it seems like Armageddon is around the corner.”

His answer has stayed with me all these years and it is so relevant during these hot, steamy, combative, and confusing times we are living through. I give you his words here, and if you don’t know who Ram Dass is, please look him up and when the weather cools a bit read his classic book Be Here Now or his newest Changing Lenses.

What Ram Dass said was that if Armageddon is arriving you need to “center yourself, breathe deeply, acknowledge what is happening, and …. Read this in his own words,

“I’ve been asked many times if this is the Aquarian age and it’s all just beginning or is this Armageddon and it’s the end, and I have to admit I don’t know.

The way I’ve usually copped out in dealing with this is saying, “Whichever way it goes, my work is the same: to quiet the mind and open my heart and relieve suffering wherever I find it.”

The more I do inner work, the more my awareness breaks down the boundaries between myself and other people, and the more that happens, the more there’s only “us” instead of “them.” And then the more there’s only “us,” the more the suffering of everyone, and the joy of everyone, becomes my suffering and my joy.”

For everyone living where it is too hot, and those living where it will be too cold and for all of us living with the threats of floods and fires and winds that blow too strongly, now is the time, as Ram Dass suggests, to do the inner work, confront personal history, and make decisions based on your inner wisdom rather than your inner critic.

That is the core of my new 8- week program specifically for GUTSY WOMEN LEADERS who want to kick overwhelm to the curb.

Please consider joining my Facebook group, Women Leaders Inner Circle where there will be lots of tips as well as more information about the soon to be released GUTSY program.

Gutsy, Leadership Strategies, Success

Are you Gutsy or Bold?

Sylvia Lafair
June 19, 2019

Let me ask you a question are you gutsy or bold? Let’s dive deeper into this discussion and ask you a few more questions:

Are you one of the women or men who walk into a meeting room and go right for the front row?

Or when someone asks for a volunteer to come on stage, not knowing what to expect, you’re right there at the head of the line?

Or do you speak up when opinions are requested, even knowing what you have to say might be against conventional wisdom?

If this is your way of behaving, you can go do something else. No need to keep reading.

However, if you are like most of us, waiting to see where others are sitting before you grab a chair, or slinking back in your seat to make sure you won’t be called on, or checking the way the wind is blowing before speaking up, and then only saying what is politically correct, then read on.

You need a confidence booster shot.

Being GUTSY and BOLD is mostly a learned behavior and yes, you can learn it and be the better for it, at work and at home.

What does it take?

Clarity: This first step takes the most time.

You need to sit quietly for up to an hour and write down all the things you want to accomplish in life. Write fast.

Don’t ponder. Just write.

Some things you jot down will sound superficial, so what. Some will sound grandiose, so what. Some will sound doable and other impossible, so what. Great, now you can get to the meat (real or plant-based) of what it means to be GUTSY and BOLD.

Pick the top three from your list. They will be the ones to help you toward a goal of stronger confidence. Put them on a separate piece of paper and make them into a mission statement for your eyes only.

Creativity: Ready to make a difference?

You need to dig down inside and find out what has been holding you back. Did someone say something nasty to or about you when you were a kid? That stuff stays at the bottom of your emotional register forever, or until you drain the swamp.

The way OUT of the old you and into the new you come from facing those defining moments that shaped you to either be a frontrunner or sit in the back of the room.

And no, you don’t have to find every moment that formed you, three or four will show you the way to observe, understand and transform what is ingrained and no longer useful.

Make a game of it. Sing it, dance it, write it, paint it. And then let it go.

Communication: It’s time to change your narrative.

Begin with the words ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ Practice saying the opposite. An example is if you are asked to take on an extra project and you normally are a pleaser, say no and just watch what happens.

And if your natural tendency is to say no, well a hearty yes could change the direction of the situation and who knows, it could be a confidence booster.

Practice when to speak up or shut up and even show up. Take a month and do the opposite. You will learn a lot about yourself and, like physical exercise, it will make you stronger and more confident.

Building confidence is an inner job.

Communicating with confidence is the outer reflection of your inner self. Using creative techniques to gain a clearer, stronger sense of self is the bridge from your inner world to your outer one.

In all the leadership development courses I have taught everyone wants to learn how to become GUTSY and BOLD.

Learn to untie the knots (am not, cannot, should not) that stand in the way of your personal and professional power. Come on, you can do it!

Best,

Sylvia

Change, Growth, Gutsy

What really matters

Sylvia Lafair
May 22, 2019

This week’s article is a bit different. It’s about how all of us, you and you and you and I, can ignite a new dialogue about what really matters.

Now, this is not a preachy, sermon type blog. It’s about rethinking the patterns of behavior that are getting in the way of successful relationships.

I believe we are in a transition period about what matters and are looking for ways to liberate ourselves from old constraints.

Nothing in history suggests that a transition from power to partnership, from greed to sharing, from bullying to kindness is likely to be smooth. To the contrary, this transition seems to be characterized by social and political disruption.

The underlying cause of the divisiveness is fear.

It’s up to us to keep the levels of fear and anxiety down through raising the levels of understanding about the vital need for transformation at this point in history. When fear is loud and strong most of us begin to cringe and yearn for the ‘good old days.’

My daughter sent me a Facebook post that sums up how so many of us feel as the #metoo movement has morphed into a mighty battle over abortion rights. The post said:

Time zones are interesting:

In Australia, it is already tomorrow,

In London it is midnight

And in the USA it’s 1928!

Look, we can all stay in the battleground of ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ and keep the ancient conversation going about who has the power to make decisions and what happens to those who disagree. All is still based on a power paradigm and I would like to add my voice with a different perspective.

The founder of the Department of Sociology at Harvard University, Pitirim Sorokin searched for the deeper patterns that lay beneath the surface of the calamities of war he had experienced. He suggested that much of history fits a pattern of cyclical rise and fall of two basic known value systems that he termed “ideational” and “sensate.”

Ideational values develop from individual inner work and have a spiritual component, this is found in the thinking that there are values that transcend the physical world and go beyond the physical senses. The other value system, the sensate, believes that only what can be perceived with the senses has any reality.

There is a third value system that represents the harmonious blending of spiritual and sensory values. This is the integral system that takes the best of both and weaves them together. This is where a deeper understanding of relationships is required.

Sorokin’s analysis, written almost 90 years ago suggested that the sensate system of the 20th Century would soon come to an end. That was before plastic was choking our oceans and the divide between the haves and have nots was not as clear as it is today. He was right.

He felt there was a possibility of a new world view that could focus on “the techniques of altruistic transformation” by increasing the world’s supply of creative, unselfish love.

I suggest that while the #metoo movement has been a wake-up call for GUTSY WOMEN around the world to speak out, and while the issue of women’s right to choose is front and center today, the underlying issue for all of us is to take a deep dive into relationships.

This is my work, my passion.

To look at what has been handed to us from generation to generation as ways to behave and begin a deeper critical thinking dialogue about what is needed for now and the future.

What if, as John Lennon’s song says, we begin to IMAGINE a new, braver world where we take the time to dialogue about what is the meaning of love, the various types of love that we need for our survival, and make it clear that we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do.

It takes GUTSY WOMEN and BOLD MEN to stand strong. Become part of the solution.

gutsy or bold are you ready to take action

Business and Life Patterns, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Styles

Gutsy or Bold, Are You Ready to Take a Step Forward?

Sylvia Lafair
January 23, 2019

What does it take to make the leap? Whether you’re gutsy or bold, are you ready to take a step forward?

I was reflecting on the physical or emotional cost when you take a GUTSY or BOLD step out of the old ‘this is the way it is meant to be’ mentality.

I was thinking about Karen who called off her wedding the day before. I was thinking about Stan who quit his very lucrative position rather than stay with a company that promised and rarely delivered.

And then I was thinking about my personal moment of being GUTSY or BOLD. I was a young employee, back in the day. The popular wisdom was to look the other way, keep your head down, do your job and stay silent. I didn’t.

When did you take a stand? Make a dramatic change? Follow your dream even if a crazy one?

AND then what happened?

Karen found her voice (and a great boyfriend), Stan started his own company (and sold it for big bucks.) And I wrote my book GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change (that won some awards.)

Now, between Karen and her voice, Stan and his company, me and my book, there was lots of territory to traverse. Lots of stories of highs and lows, glee and tears, fear and courage.

If, as you read this, you can feel yourself revisiting your moment of GUTSY or BOLD, I have a proposition for you.

I have been asked to add a sequel to GUTSY. Men as well as women are looking for stories of inspiration and they want it from us. That means you and you and you and me. You know, ordinary people who have had an extraordinary experience.

The stories will be gathered in a book about what happens when you take a stand and then, what happens afterward.

In my research over the years I constantly found that making the right move in any situation is 20% strategy and 80% psychology. Thus, we can learn from each other and what better way than through hearing each other’s stories. We can give each other courage to leap rather than tip-toe, tell the truth rather than smooth it over, stand steady rather than walk away.

If you would like to be featured in the new book, GUTSY and BOLD: Stories from Women and Men that Make a Difference please fill out the form below and let’s get going.

Helping each other grow and become the best we can be is nourishing. Tell your story. I know you will be a great guide for so many whose names you may never know, yet, they will know yours and will thank you for helping them take the next GUTSY and BOLD step.

Business and Life Patterns, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Gutsy Woman Profile: Karen Mangia

Sylvia Lafair
January 16, 2019

I want to share the story of Karen Mangina who I recently met and to me is the epitome of a GUTSY woman.

What would you do if you were in a situation you knew, yes knew, deep inside would be a vast mistake to follow through? Would you take a deep breath and say, “I’m outa here” or “I changed my mind” or “This doesn’t work for me?”

I’ve asked this question to tons of people, male and female and the answers sort into only two real options.

Suck it up and remember that you made the bed, now you will have to sleep in it.
Get out and don’t look back.

Can you guess which answer was voted on more by the men and which by the women. Or, in your mind, were the answers just about 50-50?

From my study the women were more prone to suck it up and the men were more willing to get the heck out and not look back.

Thus, the pleaser personality stood out for the gals and the avoider personality was more prevalent for the guys.

Obviously, neither way is the best. Best would be to buy some ‘wiggle room’ and find possibilities to either make the difficult situation more appealing or, at least, if you need to leave, to make sure you do so without leaving disaster behind.

Okay, so much for being philosophical.

I’d like to introduce you to Karen. She is the epitome of a GUTSY woman. And, in a minute I will tell you her YIKES story and what she is here to tell others who get stuck between that rock and a hard place where it seems there is no winning.

I was lucky enough to have Karen introduce me at The Indiana Women’s Conference.

She did her homework and rather than just talk about my credentials, she told a story about what I learned watching my mother navigate the months after my father’s untimely death in his early 50’s when I was only 14 years old. That introduction was so much more powerful than just listing degrees or awards. It made me real to everyone in the room.

I was intrigued with her insightfulness.

Yet, it wasn’t till we had coffee after the presentation that I realized I was with a real powerhouse, a woman who could stand tall and not be tossed to the side of a road when a situation becomes sticky or impossible.

Karen Mangia is VP of Customer and Market Insights at Salesforce. She is a bright light, with a smile that says “Let’s connect. Let’s communicate. Let’s learn.” She is also an author, and I want to recommend her book to all of you, Success with Less: Releasing Obligations and Discovering Joy.

Here is where I put my latte down and just listened with my mouth half opened in awe. She was telling me about the time that she had to use all the GUTSY chips she had gathered to get through the next few days of her life.

In her own words from her book, “My mom parked the car and started to pop the trunk so we could carry the gifts inside. As we walked around to the back of the car, I started to cry. I couldn’t stop the sentence that was going to change my life. “Mom, I can’t go through with the wedding.” Followed by “Don’t unload the gifts.” (I was upset, but I was also practical.)”

It’s now many moons later and Karen talked about how she had been running on empty until that crisis rocked her world.

She talked about how she began a search for wholeness. The non-wedding was the starter, plus some very difficult health issues, led Karen to search for meaning in her life.

In her book she has tips and tools for understanding the deeper meaning of ‘less.’ It’s about overcoming obstacles and taking steps to evaluate what is true and right for you. Let me say it another way, choose what really matters and let the rest go. It’s an internal decision, and no one, let me say that another way, no relative, friend, or colleague can choose for you.

If you, like Karen, are ready to change from a pleaser to a truth teller take her advice and sit quietly till you become clear about what really matters. Then read her book to help you take the next steps. It made a difference for me.

Being GUTSY is a practice, not just a wish. And the more that GUTSY Women and BOLD Men stay the course and tell the truth the better our world will be.

Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

Gutsy & Bold: The New Paradigm of Relationships

Sylvia Lafair
January 9, 2019

Are we on the cusp of new ways of relating to each other? If so, it’s going to take all of us, GUTSY women and BOLD men to continue to clear the path. The old way is about power, prestige and prominence. The new way? It’s still being designed.

The new and better way certainly includes cooperation, caring, and compassion.

My question is, “What else needs to be in the mix?”

Here are a few thoughts of mine. I’d love to hear what all of you, men and women, think the new paradigm of relationships should include.

For me, observing and understanding the invisible links from the long ago past to the present make the best starting point.

Why? So that we can learn which patterns of behavior were meant for survival and may have outlived their usefulness. First, we need to know, before we can make appropriate changes.

Let me explain: Has anybody been to Salem Massachusetts on Halloween? It’s a “madhouse” (pardon the pun) of psychics on every corner ready to do a reading. In fact, all year round in Salem there is great information to learn about the witch trials of 1692.

Women, bona fide healers, who worked with herbs and their own intuition, were considered, you guessed it, witches. Thus, women learned to “shut up,” to keep their knowledge undercover or suffer an ugly death.

No tiny baby girl was ever born who woke from a nap and said, “I can’t wait to grow up and be a pleaser and only say ‘yes’ to everyone.” This knack of being a pleaser, or a rescuer, or a victim came from some basic desire to survive.

Question: Could the subtle memories about ancestors who did not shut up and were burned at the stake make present day women wary? Hummmm, interesting thought.

Let’s take a moment and go back even further. A visit to Greek legends. If your name is Sandra or Cassandra, or even Sandy you may want to pay strict attention. And if your name is Apollo, you too should pay strict attention. Here’s a typical love story: The god Apollo fell in love with the princess Cassandra. He gave her a great gift, more than a gorgeous bracelet or trip to The Four Seasons; it was the gift of prophecy. So far, so good.

The story continues. Now, the good news is this gift was non-refundable. Yet, when Cassandra did not get all mushy about Apollo, he was a scorned lover and wanted revenge. Yup, happens all the time.

So, the only thing that mad as hell Apollo could do, what any self-respecting Greek god would do, was to put a curse on Cassandra; make it so no one would listen. Thus, when she warned that her beloved homeland, Troy would be destroyed, no one would believe her.

Ancient Greece, witch trials, women so often getting brushed aside when they see where things are heading. Maybe no more. Thank you #metoo.

Each of us has a story about a time we were told to ‘shut up’ and be a pleaser. Each of us also has a story about a time where it was important to take a risk and ‘speak up.’ And now is the time for stories about how each of us can ‘own up’ to our personal part in resisting necessary positive change.

Stay tuned. Next week I have a super good story about a woman executive at a great company who learned to move from pleaser to truth teller and what that as done to up her happiness quotient.

And, anyone who wants a beginning of year strategy session with one of our breakthrough coaches please let me know.

Business, Gutsy, Patterns

My thoughts about the major change in gender relationships

Sylvia Lafair
December 18, 2018

Here’s an idea for a special gift for the gals in your life. It’s one of those gifts that keeps on giving for the rest of the year.

Now, I’m not bragging (although I do teach women that it is okay to ‘toot your own horn.’ It’s just that I received an email from a man recently that got me thinking about the next new wave in male-female relationships.

Here’s part of his email:

“I bought your book “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” for my wife after she found some of your webinars on line and loved them. Out of curiosity I started to read. She didn’t get the book till I was finished. What is amazing is that I truly understand her better now. And that age-old question “What do women want?” is not as foggy in my mind as it used to be. I know one of the answers you provide is that “Women want to be seen, heard, respected and appreciated.”

I know that we all, men and women, want to be seen, heard, respected and appreciated. However, the trek little girls make to become strong women is so different from the one that I, as a male, experienced.

The book was an eye opener.

Even more, I can be a stronger ally in helping my teen age daughters navigate the rough waters of adolescence. And, even more than that, I communicate differently at work (who knew that men have fewer words to use daily than women and I now have important meetings earlier in the day when I still have most of my words to use)…😃

Keep up the good work and tell men to read GUTSY.”

So, here’s the deal. Any man who buys the book and lets me know will get the GUTSY Success Guide as my gift to you.

Here are just a few more of my thoughts about the major change in gender relationships.

The headlines in 2018 have been filled with story after story about how the role of women in Western society has dramatically changed for the better. From politics to entertainment and everything in between, we have watched history unfold as women have stopped asking for equality and instead have taken charge, stepping into leadership roles across all segments of society. Women no longer talk about change, hope for change, or ask permission to change – they instead make change.

It is NOW, yes NOW, that we finally have a new map to build a future unlike the past.

I believe we are at a tipping point to redesign relationships between men and women for the benefit of all of us. I am in the process of making additional information available as an on-line educational program in 2019. This will give women (and men) from all walks of life the opportunity to take my work forward, which blends knowledge from business and psychology to awaken new ideas and possibilities.

Happy gift giving,

Sylvia

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My thoughts about the major change in gender relationships

Here are just a few more of my thoughts about the major change in gender relationships.

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Here are just a few more of my thoughts about the major change in gender relationships.

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