Gutsy Archives | CEOptions

Communication to Captivate

Sylvia Lafair
January 22, 2020
Communication, communication skills, confidence, Gutsy women

Hi everyone!

I’m so glad you’re here with me today, and it’s talking about communication whichever you think of it. We will learn how to talk, It’s a little baby. You’d start with, da, da, da, da, ma, ma, ma, but somehow we started putting words together, and out of that, we created sentences. So, we all learned how to talk but big question or and big question.

How many of us learned really how to communicate? And this month is dedicated to communication to captivate, and captivate means to intrigue, to get people to listen, to wanna really be with you, and I said, today I was going to just talk about four words, but I counted again after I wrote that, and it’s really five.

One word is so short. I had put it together that really make a difference when you’re talking with people, with your boss, with your colleagues, with your direct reports, with your clients, with your neighbors, with your husband or wife, with your partner, with your kids, anybody, and it has a little bit of magic to it, but the big part of it is, you have to really in here. Believe it, because we are now picking up phone, errors and fakeness all over the place. I’m not supportive.

I think what social media is in the middle of finding out what’s real, and what’s not, and we’re in the kind of in-between place. It’s, I call it, the people of the parenthesis. It’s where the old way doesn’t work anymore, and the new way hasn’t been fully created. So, we’re kind of in between that, and it’s an exciting place, because you can be creative and you can really do a lot of good things

So, I’m going to give you the words but first, I’m going to give you an example of somebody I was working with, who was really really upset, and she was telling me about a situation at work doesn’t matter what it is. It’s not the point. The point is, she was really upset and I was listening and finally, I asked her a question and she told a deeper truth, and again it doesn’t matter what the truth was. I could feel it. I could feel she was sharing something. She was being authentic. She was in words, really, really being able to be vulnerable, and as we talked, I looked at her, and then I thanked her for what she said and I used the formula, but again it has to come from here. Not just here and it was what you said means a lot to me. That’s it, “it means a lot to me.” So, it means a lot to me.

I told you five words not four. “It means a lot to me,” is a very powerful thing to say to someone.

The room got very quiet and she looked at me and she said, “Thank you for that because I was really, really feeling awkward and uncomfortable being that vulnerable.” Well, I’m used to being people being vulnerable with me all the time. I mean I was a psychologist and a family therapist, and before I moved into the business world, and even in the business world, I really help people get to the core of their own truths. Some you can say one on one, as they would do with me, and some you say in a group, and I’m always saying, be careful where you tell your truth. Somewhere you’re being vulnerable. You don’t want to make a fool out of yourself or do something that’s going to end up giving feedback to you, that you don’t like, but those words stick with people.

“It means a lot to me,” makes a difference because it goes in. It means you can hear them. They’re being heard. People are being heard and it’s a wonderful thing to do. So, I promise to keep these quicker and one sentence is all you get at a time anymore, because I know people are so busy. You can’t stay on too long. So, let me say this to end, “It means a lot to me that you’re here. It means a lot to me that you’re watching and listening. It means a lot to me that you care to make a difference in the world, and to find the best ways to communicate to captivate.

So, sign up for a strategy session. My team and I are here for you. I have some incredible coaches I’ve worked with. Most of them for many years, and they’re really solid great people.

Call me. I’d love to talk with you or email me and see if you’re in the mood to actually do something people aren’t doing much anymore. Read a book. My book “Gutsy” is great for women, and “Don’t Bring It to Work” still has major value for everybody in the workplace.

So, have a beautiful day and thanks for watching.

Gutsy, Leadership

Gutsy Women Need to Work Together to Make the Changes in the World

Sylvia Lafair
January 15, 2020
Gutsy women, Leadership, women leaders

Hey!

This is for all the gutsy women out there. All of us who are here to make change happen, to make the world a better place, to make our lives more fulfilling.

This is for all of you and all of you who have joined my women leaders inner circle.

I so appreciate it now.

Here’s what I’d like to say, because this is really important. We need to work together to make the changes in the world.

So, I need to hear from you. I need to hear questions. I need to hear comments. I need to hear critiques of what’s going on. Whether you agree, don’t agree, have other points of view. Everything, so we can have a really juicy discussion.

So, for all the gutsy women out there, those of you who have joined, welcome. Please contribute even if it’s a sentence or two, so that we can keep moving forward.

I have lots I love to share with you and I also want to hear from you, and those of you who aren’t sure about joining, check out some of my work on our website, on Creative Energy Options, and see if this is for you.

We really are moving into an era where, I believe that women with our creativity and our sense of self, can help make the world a better place and my formula, I think many of you have heard of before, is as we women become more daring in every area of our lives, we give men the room to become more caring, because the models were really locked in place. Women were at home and were passive. Men were out there doing whatever. It’s changed. It’s changing. It will continue to change.

So, as women become more daring, men become more caring and daring plus caring equals share, and we will have a much more, a world that is much more connected in a different way, where we can share and we can help each other. We can all be vulnerable, and we can all be strong.

So, go for it. Join women leaders inner circle.

If you’re not part of it and those of you who have joined, I so welcome you and our team of coaches is here for you and some of them, many of them, the women anyway are on the women leaders inner circle.

So, you can have a lot of interesting dialogues going on. Ask, ask question, critique. We want it. We love it.

So, here’s to you.

Have a blessed day, a marvelous week and let’s keep going and growing.

Thank you.

Goals, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Patterns

Time for New Resolutions

Sylvia Lafair
December 30, 2019

It’s that time for new resolutions. Right? You know, the ones that usually become old in a week and absolutely stale by the end of the month.

“Change,” I hear you say, “change is tough.” And it is.

EXCEPT

There is one new resolution you can make that will reap tons and tons of rewards.

It’s about practicing change before you must change.

This should be in the curriculum at school starting in middle school. But, it’s not. No one teaches this. Most of us just get into a sticky situation, and change comes at us like a fire snorting dragon.

EXCEPT

Once you practice change by taking a risk, you become more confident, more focused, and yes, the next change gets easier.

Here is the practice part of change:

Pick a time to be quiet and plan.

Pick something you want to change.

Make it something that doesn’t make you freeze in place.

Paint the scene, in your mind, of what will happen if you do something differently.

Write it down.

Now you are ready to make new resolutions that stick. Take the risk (come on, it’s just a small risk.) And, you only must do it once, not like losing weight that is an everyday affair.

Here are a few examples of new resolutions from some of my clients:

Tom, the perennial under-achiever, would always talk last in business meetings. He finally made the conscious decision to take just one risk, to speak up first and not hold back. Yes, for someone who always had to make sure he didn’t rock the boat, speaking up first was a challenge. Just this small change boosted his confidence and he soon found himself moving from being an avoider to becoming the initiator of discussions.

Connie was constantly over-thinking what she could and should say to her boss when the demands were piling up. Her risk was to move from pleaser to truth-teller. She agreed to do this once, just once to see what would happen. Of course, you guessed that when she told her “the Devil Wears Prada” bully boss “No” to a new project and the reasons why their relationship became more relaxed and cooperative.

Tammy was known as the office rebel. Yet, deep inside she was filled with self-doubt. There was always worry that others would think she was just a pain in the butt troublemaker. So, when she made the decision to take that one risk and call a meeting to look at the company issues about diversity, she was, in her words, “numb with fear.” One risk changed her life. She now has colleagues to collaborate with and, as a group, they are working together for positive change.

Now, it’s your turn to start making your new resolutions.

What is one risk you are willing to take? Write it down. Talk to a friend about it. Visualize what can happen once you take that deep breath and then even a mini step will move you towards more ease and joy.

One small risk at a time.

The confidence, energy, focus, motivation, ease and joy you are searching for is right here, right now as you move past the patterns that have kept you stuck especially when making new resolutions.

Business, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Success

What’s the best present you received?

Sylvia Lafair
December 23, 2019

What is the best present you received this year? I mean, the very best.

Is it something you requested or did someone simply make a great guess, and voila, there it is in front of you?

And what is the best gift you gave to yourself?

Think about the following the next time you are ready to give and to receive.

This year, I have been surprised, and yes, delighted to see the huge number of articles about giving meaningful gifts.

And so many are focused on experiences over material goods.

Remember those days when gift-giving, for any occasion, needed to include a designer symbol? If it said DKNY, Gucci, Prada, or Lauren, it either suggested you are rich, have rich friends, or you want to be seen in the company of the rich and powerful.

Not so much anymore.

The focus today is on being with people you enjoy and gathering fond memories that will last a lifetime and on the importance of self-care.

In our present world, so many feel overwhelmed, blurry-eyed, and fuzzy-headed because it seems impossible to find time to take a break and relax.

When considering what the best present to gift yourself is to ask yourself: What do you need more of? And how can you get ‘the more’ you want and need?

The best way to answer these questions is to give yourself the gift of silence. Clarity comes more easily to a quiet mind than if there is so much chattering no new ideas can’t come through.

Here are suggestions for the best present you can give yourself and to others:

Take a break: At work, at home, just find a quiet place and simply stare at the wall, look out of the window, close your eyes and be still. Do this for 20 minutes. Practice this and you will find a new level of calmness and appreciation for getting your work done effectively and more easily. Call it meditation if you like, or just call it zipping it!
Journal: Write out your thoughts and feelings for 10 minutes. No worry about the right words or grammar, just write. Often, you will become clear about the next steps toward what will bring you joy and health. Once a month look back and review.
Exercise: Walk for 30 minutes at least 3 times a week. No cell phone, no need to get somewhere. Just walk. Concentrate on how your body maneuvers as you walk. It’s amazing to think about all the internal messages that get your feet to take one step after another. Appreciate all that your body does to get you from here to there.

Read: Keep a book of quotes or one that guides you to new ways of thinking near your desk or night table. Take time to read a few pages every day. This can redirect your thoughts to ‘the better angels’ inside you. Or find some TED Talks that inspire you. (May I suggest “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” )
Breathe: Deep breathing for 7 minutes will bring more oxygen to your body-mind. Do this: Deep breath to the count of 7, then hold your breath for the count of 7, then breath out to the count of 7, and then hold your breath again for the count of 7. Do this 7 times. When you open your eyes, the world can look brighter.

These best presents can move you out of overwhelm so you won’t have to battle burnout. Make yourself a promise to explore these easy and available gifts and put your own designer name on them. And know that YOU are rich and powerful.

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Growth, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Managing Stress

What to do when life seems out of balance

Sylvia Lafair
December 18, 2019

Everyone is telling me this year has more stress and strain than in the past? You agree?

“Why,” people are asking, “is life so much more out of balance now?”

I must admit, I’m not sure. However, I have a hunch that all the social media stuff is really making us kinda crazy.

I was taking a few minutes to think about what we can learn from this seemingly frantic year and I landed on one word.

CURIOSITY

CURIOSITY is the doorway that can keep us all from falling down the rabbit hole of overwhelm and self-doubt.

CURIOSITY is the doorway that stimulates growth, joy, and expansion.

CURIOSITY is what helps us out of the prison of frustration and insecurity.

Let me explain. But, first a question.

What do you do when your plate is overflowing and you need to say STOP, yet you are afraid you will disappoint everyone?

I’ve asked lots of people this question and most of the answers fall into three categories

I just put my head down and keep going.
I eat every comfort food I can find and just keep going.
I give up and turn on Netflix.

Here is a better idea. For the rest of your lives you can do what I am now about to suggest. Do what I say, for at least one day and see how it feels and how your thinking can become more centered.

Ready?

For ONE MINUTE out of every hour (that’s just 60 seconds) allow for the unexpected. Just take that minute and reclaim the wonder of the very small child. In that one minute, fatigue will go, and curiosity and creativity will enter. And even better, your heart can open.

You can call it a minute meditation, you can call it a minute to chill out, you can call it anything you like. It is less than 15 minutes in your whole day to get away from your daily grind.

Then go back to what you were doing.

I have offered this technique to thousands of people and my guess is that at least 60% of those who did this one- minute- stop found that they were more creative and more content after a few days.

Set your watch or computer or smart phone. Just one minute each hour can make amazing changes in how you view the daily situation you are in.

There is a curious child in each of us that would love to come out and play. I’ll meet you on the swing set and climbing wall.

Growth, Gutsy, Managing Stress, Patterns, Stress, Success

How to get yourself out of overwhelm

Sylvia Lafair
December 11, 2019

How to get yourself out of overwhelm seems to be a recurring theme right now. One of my clients put it this way “I came home from work and kicked the dog.”

Then, at least 7 other clients texted me this week with concerns that were variations on the ‘kick the dog’ theme. They were all about the conundrum (what a funny word), the confusing and difficult problem that seems to be number 1 right now.

Here’s what Jen wrote, “Hey Sylvia, I had a rotten day at work. Nothing seemed to jell. My report was shot down by my boss, my favorite co-worker is out for 6 weeks with a broken leg from a crazy accident, and I had to cancel a business trip to my favorite city (I was going to stay for an extra day and just wander around Paris). Then I got home, and the dog peed on the new carpet, my kid has a test end of the week and he has no idea what the teacher is talking about, and my husband is out of town all week.

I must say, I was rather nasty and yelled at my kid, the dog, and my husband all within about 10 minutes.

The big question is: why don’t problems stay in their own little boxes?

The ones from work seem to bleed into family time and the annoyances from family seem to spill out at work.

I can’t compartmentalize!!!!!

Is this a woman thing? Or does it happen to men too?

So, help, please.”

The other 6 texts were from both men and women. So, yes, both males and females are having a hard time getting out of the overwhelm of too much to do, not doing it right, and getting angry at everyone at once.

Can this problem be solved?

Yes.

While disappointment and frustration won’t go away (so sorry about that), what can be done is to get yourself out of the overwhelm and find your own personal way of not letting your emotions get the best of you.

Let’s start with 3 questions:

Are you aware of what pushes your buttons at work? At home?
Can you recover quickly when you get triggered, upset, or stressed?
Have you done personal work to stop the mad or sad feelings from spilling over?

My point to all my clients, from Corporate CEO’s to Entrepreneurs is this: Your upsets will bleed from family to work and vice versa, unless and until you put the flashlight on YOU, and figure out how to express what you are feeling in ways that don’t disrupt or destroy relationships.

If you, like so many these days, are emotionally exhausted and are getting ready to ‘kick the dog’ it’s time to do something in real-time.

If you are failing to meet deadlines, feel hopeless or helpless, have decreased motivation, feel stuck and trapped then make a move in a new direction.

Help is here.

I suggest you do a pattern breakthrough strategy call (its free) to get some clear direction CLICK HERE to schedule yours.

Think of it this way. If you don’t do something now, you will come home from work, day after day and kick the dog. You will never know how to get yourself out of overwhelm. It will become a habit for emotional release. The habit becomes a pattern. Then if the dog is not there whoever is closest will get the brunt of your upset.

Not good.

Yet, if you fix the problem of how to get yourself out of overwhelm and you handle getting triggered, you will oversee what happens next. You’ll be in charge, not at the mercy of your emotions.

Don’t let the months and years go by without finding a new way out of upset and not knowing how to get yourself out of overwhelm.

You don’t want to look back with regret. Do you? Book your pattern breakthrough call.

Business and Life Patterns, Change, Coaching, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Success

Is it Really the Season of Joy and Fun?

Sylvia Lafair
December 4, 2019

It’s officially the season of joy and fun…Or is it?

We are programmed to be happy, merry, and filled with love and appreciation. So, why are there so many who have inherited a black cloud filled with rain or snow that clings no matter what?

If so, you are not alone. Make you feel better?

It’s good to be in the majority for many things, right? Yet, it’s better to be in the elite 1% who can get past self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and frustration to enjoy the days ahead.

If your bad habits get in the way of achieving your goals, or past negative experiences keep playing over and over in your head, or your glass (no matter how big) is always seen as half empty, give yourself the gift of time to break free of all the accumulated crap that holds you back.

New perspectives are not that hard to develop. It just takes intention and focused time. You need both.

Look, think of it this way.

Would you wear the same clothes every day, without changing even your underwear?

Would you eat only hamburgers breakfast, lunch, and dinner for months at a time?

Would you say “yes” to everyone without thinking of the consequences?

Of course not. You’re not that stupid…

However, if the same upsets keep repeating and repeating, it’s time to polish the mirror and take a deeper look. If you don’t, here is how the first year of the new decade will play out.

You’ll continue to procrastinate, and goals won’t get accomplished. You’ll hide behind a fake smile and still feel like an imposter. You’ll still reach for the anti-acid to push the anxiety down and still have a stomach ache.

So, make this your time of change. Give yourself the gifts of focused time and intention.

Read a book that will help you say to yourself “Oh, now I get it.” Watch a film that will help you find the courage to speak up rather than retreat. Call someone who can help you find a new and more interesting path.

I’d like you to consider watching my webinar about change: https://ceoptions.com/gutsymasterclass

Right now, it’s for women, although men who have watched said it really helped them see the females in their lives from a clearer perspective as well as their own shortcomings.

Each day offers the opportunity to change.

Take advantage of the morning light to take new steps to make your life full of happiness, merriment, joy, and appreciation.

CLICK HERE and find the 5 shifts for a fuller, richer life. It’s not magic. However, the results are magical.

Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles, Success

Are you a Unicorn Leader?

Sylvia Lafair
November 4, 2019
Gutsy women, leadership skills, unicorn leader

I have been asked this question a lot lately…how do you know if you are a Unicorn leader? It’s kind of the in thing right now.

Let me share this email I recently received. See if you can relate.

Dear Sylvia,

I am in a position where a fabulous job just opened at my company and I WANT IT!!

Can you give me some talking points so when I apply for the job, I will stand head and shoulders above the rest?

It’s head of sales for a global company. I know my stuff, so the skills are there. It’s a matter of ‘selling myself’ to the right people.

Any extra help would be greatly appreciated.

Signed,

In a Hurry to Succeed

My response to “In a Hurry to Succeed”

It sounds like you have found your ‘unicorn job,’ the one that has it all. Now you need to take your excellent sales background to sell yourself.

Time to show everyone at work that you are a unicorn leader.

Here are the questions to ask yourself to make sure you qualify for that prestigious label.

Are you intellectually curious?
Are you flexible?
Are you excited about the change process?
Are you comfortable shaking things up for long term good?
Can you see the big picture and still pay attention to the details?
Can you stay centered during turbulent times?
Are you able to work well with others?

You need to be able to answer ‘yes’ to the above questions.

You see, being great at sales and leading a sales, (or any other type of team) depends upon how aware you are of your skills and talents and even beyond that, how you handle relationships.

The key to ‘selling yourself’ is in how well you can convey your ability to produce results without creating dissension and chaos with your team. Remember that leadership is a team effort – you cannot achieve greatness alone. You do best when you model respect.

That means being able to listen and respond without blame, judgment, or attacking others.

Hold your team accountable and yet, find a way to make the workday fun as well as challenging. That’s the magic of being a unicorn leader.

Unicorn leaders are extremely rare. They shatter expectations, take businesses to the next level, and people love being in their presence.

That means you really take the time to break through any outdated behavior patterns that would get in the way of you being spectacular at strategy, execution, and listening to as well as encouraging others.

Okay, Hurry to Succeed, do your homework on both your internal and relationship areas and the big job will be yours. If not sure, contact me for a complimentary strategy session. You’re almost there.

Communication, Confidence, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies

The Benefits and Backlash of Self-Promotion

Sylvia Lafair
October 21, 2019
Communication, Gutsy women, Leadership, leadership skills, self-promotion

I love this video I cover:

+ + Why modesty is an over-rated virtue.
How self-doubt sets up sabotage.
+
How to “toot your own horn” without being obnoxious.
The world has changed and women can no longer be shushed or denied their time to speak out.

Using the tips, I will give you for effective communication can boost your personal brand as you you self-promote.

Let me help you find the balance point between overwhelming others with your prowess and undervaluing your accomplishments.

It’s easier than you think and will help you get your next promotion or the plum assignment you’ve been yearning for.

It’s’ time to Go Bigger>>> Go Bolder>>> GO GUTSY

Business, Business and Life Patterns, Confidence, Gutsy, Leadership, Leadership Strategies, Leadership Styles

Why Women Today Need To Go Bigger, Go Bolder, Go GUTSY!

Sylvia Lafair
October 15, 2019

When I was researching my book “GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change” I came across some fascinating, frustrating, and vital information that made me want to stand up and yell “Hey everyone. It’s about time. Time to break away from past cultural fears that still create so much self-doubt and hold us back from playing full out.”

Let me explain.

Has anybody been to Salem Massachusetts? On Halloween? It’s a “madhouse” (pardon the pun) of psychics everywhere ready to do readings. It’s also a great place to explore some of those cultural fears that still have a hold on us.

Halloween is a special time in Salem. However, all year round great information is there for us to learn about the witch trials of 1692. Women, bona fide healers who worked with herbs and their own intuition, were considered well, witches. That was a time when any GUTSY woman knew to keep her intuitive abilities undercover or suffer an ugly death.

Interesting that modern brain research indicates that women have an advantage in the ability to sense when something is about to happen. And yet, most of us ignore this internal warning system probably because we just want to fit in and stay safe. Could it also be subtle memories about ancestors who did not shut up and were burned at the stake that makes us wary?

Who knows?

Let’s go back even further and check out Greek legends. Anybody reading this named Sandra or Cassandra, pay super strict attention. Here’s the love story: the god Apollo fell in love with the princess Cassandra. He gave her a gift; so far a typical story. The gift, however, was more than a gorgeous bracelet or trip to a lavish island; it was the gift of prophecy.

Now, this gift was non-refundable… Yet, when Cassandra did not get all mushy about Apollo, he became a scorned lover and wanted revenge. Yup, happens all the time. So, the only thing this mad man could do was put a curse on her; make it so no one would listen. Thus, when she warned that her beloved homeland, Troy would be destroyed no one would believe her.

Hummmm. Ancient Greece, witch trials, women getting brushed aside when they see where things are heading; told to mind their own business.

Look, we all know the speed of change is constantly escalating and yes, we do need to speak out. No more letting fear and self-doubt win.

Remember Sherron Watkins? She was a former Vice President of Corporate Development at Enron. She helped uncover that ugly scandal. As a whistleblower, she, to this day, discusses the isolation that comes from talking truth to power and how important it is to speak out. Ask yourself, are you Gutsy or Bold?

It is only through talking truth to power and being brave that we can continue to transform the patterns from the past. Karen Mangia is a great example of a Gutsy Woman and you can read all about her here.

That’s why I started my private Facebook Group “Women Leaders Inner Circle” to have a safe place to discuss how to erase self-doubt, stop listening to the inner critic that can paralyze even the most talented people, and find the confidence to go bigger, go bolder, go GUTSY.

Please join me and add your voice here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenleadersinnercircle/

It’s about you, it’s about me and it’s about time.