Become conflict competent. Yes…even if you argue and complain, you can learn to stop excessive upset. Become a conflict-competent leader. Here’s how to do it.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
My mental health is going down the drain.
Consequently, I become nasty. Yes, I even scare myself of how I act, much of the time.
As a result, I fight with everyone. That includes my boss, my spouse, my kids, my assistant, my co-workers, even the check-out guy at the supermarket.
I should not complain.
But I must!
What happens when whiney kids grow up
In other words, you can call me a whiner or a spoiled child.
As a matter of fact, I was a down right brat when I was a kid. Good for me and bad for others, I got my way most of the time.
Because of that, I still want MY way.
Therefore, if life is not exactly how I think it should be, stress becomes excessive.
I must admit, I did not learn great conflict resolution skills as a kid.
However, I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me things are not all bad. I can get up later in the morning and not worry about over- the- top traffic to work. I have more time to eat sensible meals and can binge-watch Netflix at night.
Therefore, I’m not sure why I am such a mess.
Does anger cause physical, mental, or emotional issues?
My husband insists it’s hormonal. (I think most men want to blame ‘that time of month’).
I insist he’s wrong. Cause, I’m a raving witch all month.
To clarify, I have been going the self-help route lately but it’s not giving me what I need.
I hate meditating. My mind wanders too much.
Being positive takes lots of work
And that positivity stuff simply makes me feel worse. It seems like I’m letting the world down when my anxiety is out of control.
Above all, I worry about my career, my family, my emotional state.
Furthermore, wherever I look, the main color is gray. I become tired of the conflict and the tension.
Suggestions?
Signed,
Nasty and Mean
Mental health is vital now
Dear N and M,
Firstly, take a deep breath. Secondly, get a cool glass of water. In addition, sip it slowly (that can be your meditation) while you read this.
To clarify, it sounds like you are caught in a downward spiral. My guess is this is due to the very unusual time we are experiencing on the planet.
As a result, like most of my clients, you say that stress is higher than ever. Therefore, they want to either hide under the covers or go outside and scream at the moon.
Similarly, you also appear to have a difficult time finding equilibrium.
Stress means stuff it or shout it
Further, I also sense you are more of a “shout it out” type rather than a “stuff it down” person.
When you are upset you are more likely to become what I call conflict annoying.
The “stuff it down” type becomes what I call conflict avoidant.
What you want to do is find the way to be conflict-competent.
From conflict avoidant, or conflict annoying, to conflict competent
What does that mean?
Most importantly, it means learning excellent conflict resolution strategies. Find out how to navigate the middle route between too much and not enough. Above all, life requires you to take charge of your behavior.
Certainly, that’s better than attempting to pretend happiness all the time.
Check out Tony Robbins or Mel Robbins (no, they are not related).
Want more? Set up a complimentary coaching call with one of our coaches. That will help you find a better route to navigate the ups and downs of living through a pandemic. Living not just through but after the pandemic. Yes, there will be changes.
Smile more and have less stress
In conclusion, may I suggest, that you smile.
I’m not talking about feigning happiness. I’m talking about a physical reaction to the frustrations of the day.
Honestly, just fake it till you make it. Put your lips up toward your eyes and stay like that for a minute or two. There’s even research to prove this will help you feel better.
Maybe not happy, just a bit better.
In short, please remember, my coaches and I are here for you, so reach out.
To your success,
Sylvia
PS. The Stress Busters Masterclass (its free) will help you find ways to curb your stress.
