Summary: The phrase “living your best life” has been hijacked by surface-level nonsense. Let’s reclaim it. Living your best life means confronting the behavior patterns that still influence you. It means saying no to outdated roles (such as rescuer, martyr, or avoider) and saying yes to leading with purpose and clarity.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
Today I am at the top of the mountain; yesterday I was at the bottom. One day, life is full of great possibilities, the next, I am afraid I will end up homeless. At work, I listen to various individuals brag about their fabulous vacations. Sometimes, they are talking about the same hotel I booked with my family, and it was far from amazing.
What am I missing? Are they delusional, or am I simply a “Debbie Downer?”
I often feel obsessed with being happy. Yet, I’m not sure what the amorphous term “happiness” means. Truth is, occasionally I go on Instagram and post something extraordinary, just to be part of the herd. Am I the norm or the exception?
Signed,
Happy or NOT
You Get to Lead Your Life, Not Just React To It
Dear Happy or NOT,
You are asking the eternal question, “What is happiness and how do I achieve it?” Look, you’ve seen the posts. A cocktail, a beach, the hashtag #LivingMyBestLife, and someone’s perfect tan.
But here’s the truth: Living your best life is not a filter, it’s a decision. And here’s the more profound truth: It’s messy. Unfiltered. Uncomfortable. It’s not about escape, it’s about engagement. And if you’ve followed my work, you know that your best life cannot be bought, botoxed, or binge-watched.
It is meant to be built. That means one insight, one pattern shift, and one courageous moment at a time.
Living Your Best Life Means Facing What’s in Your Way
The roadblocks to your best life aren’t “out there,” they’re in the habits, defenses, and patterns you drag with you from childhood into boardrooms, bedrooms, and breakrooms.
In my book Don’t Bring It to Work, I explain how we unconsciously carry family dynamics into our adult relationships at work. If you were the rescuer at home, chances are you’re the one smoothing over conflicts in meetings while seething on the inside. If you had to fight for attention as a child, you might be the loudest in the room, the clown, or the drama king/queen, still trying to prove your worth.
Your Best Life Doesn’t Arrive Until Patterns Are Addressed
That’s why I am writing my newest book, “Complete It or Repeat It,” which discusses the 13 most common behavior patterns learned in childhood and how to transform them into more effective behaviors at work, home, and in the community. You either complete the outdated survival strategies that no longer serve you, or you repeat them endlessly, calling it fate.
Let me say it again! You either complete the patterns you inherited…or you repeat them, at work, in love, in life. That’s the real work.
>> Take my Leadership Pattern quiz to discover the pattern that is running you behind the scenes!
Living Your Best Life Is Not a Solo Project
Isolation is the enemy of transformation. You need a circle, a container, a community, people who are also doing the work of completing old patterns and daring to lead with clarity, confidence, and courage.
That’s why I’m launching the Pattern Breakers Leadership Lab, a place for forward-thinking humans who want to live their best life and help others do the same. Not with hype or with hacks, but with heart and wholeness.
Stop Pretending and Start Living
Your best life isn’t found in drinking a green juice, saying a daily mantra, or on the other side of a promotion. It’s found when you choose to do the deep work. To say, “This ends with me.” You must complete outdated behavior patterns to get to the next level.
So the next time someone says, “I’m just living my best life,” ask them, “How are you doing that? What are you avoiding to keep fear away and stay comfortable?”
And then ask yourself, “What am I ready to do to stop repeating and start completing?”
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: No more rinse and repeat. Instead, dig under the obvious, because that’s when real life, the best life, begins.
