Is There A Common Future?

addiction and change

Summary: Here is why addictions and change fight each other. Yet, they lead us to think about our shared future. Better yet, read on to see what to do about it.

Here is the BIG QUESTION: What is the destination? 


Most importantly, do not answer just yet. 

Covid-19 has caused us to ask. 

To clarify, those marching in protest, those looting, those salivating for violence have all come together to lead us down the road, once again, so we have a forum to discuss our shared future. 

The fear of change is like an addiction to crack!

The hopeful says, “This time, things will change.” 

The doubters say, “Not much will change.” 

And the in-betweeners say, “Whatever!” 

However, here is a part of what we are missing. 

Second best solutions are accepted considering addictions and change.

We grab onto anything fast and straightforward that we think looks and sounds like change most of the time.  We go for anything that will calm down the tensions.  

Above all, we want to solve so fast to keep our anxiety levels under control. 

I will repeat.  

The reason we go to a solution so fast is to limit our stress and anxiety. 

Consequently, then we say, “Whew, that’s handled” we take a deep breath and get on to what is next. 

If that works, great. Then you can go on to solve a new problem. 

Pattern repetition is NOT viable when discussing addictions and change.

HOWEVER, if the same problem keeps repeating, that’s another story. 

In other words, then you are dealing with a pattern. 

Patterns are harder to resolve.  

Similarly, we ask, why is the same thing happening again and again? 

It’s because we need to get to the root of the issue, and mostly, we don’t take the time to go there.   

Sadly, we miss golden opportunities for real, lasting, and positive change. 

Look, I can’t/wodon’t apologize for your discomfort. 

Why is it so hard to stay uncomfortable while we look for answers?

Above all, I suggest that you stay uncomfortable. 

Just wait to hear me out before you run to solve the stormy issues of diversity and economic disadvantages that are plaguing us once again. (Have they ever really gone away?) 

I will address these two issues in a minute, along with addictions and change.

Please read on, and I promise to keep it brief. 

What is underlying issue to change when living in an addicted society?


For example, before you shrug and think you’ve heard it all before, you haven’t. 

This question is not about the common addictions everyone knows. 

In addition, I’m not talking about the need to reach out for alcohol, cocaine, pharmaceutical drugs, comfort food, cars, boats, houses, clothes, sex, pornography, guns, violence, celebrity status. 

Those are still only symptoms of real addictions. 

In addition, I’m talking about our cultural addiction to power. 

That’s it. 

To clarify, that’s at the core of so much of the crap going on today. 

The workplace. power, and addictions must be addressed.

Moreover, we grow up and work. That’s just what we do. 

 Sadly, many find this annoying way to pay our bills filled with too much stress, joylessness, and lacking meaning.  

Of course, there are the lucky few, maybe you are one of them, who loves your work. 

Keep reading anyway. 

Above all, you see, the work world reinforces the deeper addictions that keep us all stuck, so we keep running incessantly on a very outdated treadmill. 

The list of modern day addictions in the workplace is long.

List of modern workplace addictions: 

  1. Confused or indirect communications 
  2. Emails and texts to avoid face to face confrontations 
  3. Gossip 
  4. A cover-up of underlying problems 
  5. Avoidance of talking about real feelings 
  6. Taking NO as an insult demanding revenge 
  7. Success at any cost, mostly to family 
  8. Creating divisive teams forcing us to choose sides  
  9. Complicit agreement to look the other way 
  10. An excessive need to defend, explain, justify, or blame others 
  11. Limited ability to listen or ask open-ended questions 
  12. Worship of bottom line 
  13. Ignore or deny the pain of others in society 
  14. Co-dependency to keep from changing 
  15. Striving to be the best (which is an impossible place to stay) 
  16. Avoid or deny an impact on the environment 

 That’s enough. 

You can add it to the list. 

Work stress is underneath the most common addictions.

For example, do you see how work stress and dis-ease lead to the more common addictions? 

As a result, I know you’re saying as you get annoyed that this is not answering your questions about discrimination and economic inequality.  

Yes, it is. 

Read over the list again.  

In the same vein, what does the list above have in common? 

I’ll give you a pass on this one. 

Here’s the answer. 

How we learn about relationship success or failure underlines addictions.

Faulty relationship patterns. 

They start in the family and show up in the workplace. 

In addition, faulty relationships keep us in psychological prisons. This trap includes our internal relationship with ourselves. 

They breed the desire for addictive substances.  They stay in the way of addictions and change.

The relationships I’m talking about here suck the lifeblood from us.

Are you living in a psychological prison?

I’m talking about power: domination of rich over poor, powerful over weak, men over women, light skin over dark skin. 

We protest, we march, we chant. 


We want to be free.  

I contend that we can only loosen the chains by looking at how we communicate in relationships and transforming more effectively. 

The destination to a common future lies with addictions and change of relationships models.

 Moreover, it’s time to “put our money where our mouth is” and create a learning society. 

This request is not a revolution carried out by armies. Nor is it a knowledge revolution left in the hands of experts. 

That is to say, and it is a call to put corporate, community, and school resources into teaching effective communication, conflict resolution, diversity, and business skills.  

Further, then continue to teach these skills in the workplace. 

This change is not a quick fix, and it’s not sexy.  Addictions and change are not happy bed partners.

Making positive change is not easy and rarely fun.

As a result, I suggest starting with family sessions in all communities, offering partnership models over sessions that focus on power. 

This method is a preventive addiction model and a pattern disrupter to move from power to partnership. 

Further, I have done this in cities and rural areas that I thought would laugh me out of town. 

I saw that people would show up if they were getting something for themselves. 

They showed up. 

Diversity is core to understanding addictions and change.

That is the essence of my book UNIQUE: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion, and Engagement. 

This call to diversity is not to force people to behave in a certain way. It’s to give them a choice to change outdated ways of talking and being together. 

Likewise, our common future will still have conflict, disagreements, and disappointments.  

The difference is we can learn together to honor each other, listen, and respond with dignity and appreciation for each other. 

In conclusion, this is hearty food for thought. It’s needed now, more than ever on our hurting planet.

To your success,


PS. The stress that floods everyone when change is in the air can become clear after reading my book “Invisible STRESS (It’s NOT What YOU Think!).

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Creative Energy Options

Sylvia Lafair

Creative Energy Options