Summary: Thanksgiving has a way of shining a spotlight on the people we love most and the patterns we pass around, but would prefer to keep in the pantry with the canned cranberry sauce. Let this year be a day of gratitude and learning. Keep reading about how to make this time with family and friends unique and wonderful.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I will be short and to the point.
Sadly, I always end up with regrets the day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly, I use all my leadership tips and tricks to make the day warm and fuzzy.
However, everything ends up like a replay of my childhood.
You know what I mean.
My older sister takes over the kitchen like she’s auditioning for Top Chef.
My younger brother retreats to a corner with the dog.
Dad, as usual, cracks a joke at the wrong moment (hi, Clown pattern), and Aunt Teresa, the martyr, over-functions so hard she practically seasons the turkey with anxiety.
And I, yes, I go right to being the persecutor, bully boss who tells everyone what to do and when to do it.
Please, some thoughts to make this year a success. I’m tired of repeat performances.
Signed,
Happy Holidays
Your “First Organization” Shows Up Strongest at Holiday Gatherings
Dear Happy Holidays
Like most of us, it is so easy to fall right back into the role you perfected at age nine.
Here’s the truth: until you do the work to change, your “first organization,” the family, will show up strongest at holiday gatherings.
And Thanksgiving hands us a chance to pause, observe, interrupt, and, if we’re brave, transform what no longer fits.
Let’s walk through the learning baked into the pumpkin pie this holiday, one pattern at a time.
Notice Who You Become When the Doorbell Rings
You can read all the leadership books in the world, meditate every morning, and quote Brené Brown in your sleep, but one whiff of childhood stuffing and BAM, your nervous system goes, “Perfect, let’s rerun the script from twenty years ago.”
Why?
Because Thanksgiving activates the original cast and the original choreography.
Pattern Awareness begins with observation, not judgment.
Instead of groaning, “Ugh, I’m acting just like my mother,” try:
“Look at that! I slipped into Pleaser mode. Interesting. Noted.”
Awareness is the first cut in the turkey.
Don’t Take the Bait: Rewrite the Scene
Every family has a “bait-caster.”
Someone who tosses an emotional lure across the room, hoping someone will bite.
The Drama King drops a “you always…” just to see who reacts.
The Rebel challenges the menu because…why not?
The Persecutor sharpens their verbal carving knife… to be in charge.
The Victim sighs loud enough to inflate the Macy’s parade balloons…and whines the whole time.
This year, decline the bait with grace.
When you refuse to activate the old dance, the whole system shifts.
One calm breath. One different response. That’s how patterns begin to complete.
Bring a Glimmer Before You Bring a Dish
I’m partial to glimmers, those flickers of coherence when head, heart, and gut finally sync.
Leadership isn’t only for conference rooms.
You’ll find it is needed in dining rooms and family rooms.
It’s for that moment when Uncle Larry says something spicy and your whole body wants to either attack or vanish.
Bring a glimmer instead, a micro-moment of:
Head: clarity
Heart: compassion
Gut: courage
It’s the internal alignment that keeps you from being sucked back into outdated Thanksgiving theatrics.
Your nervous system is the true host of the holiday.
Celebrate Something Real This Year
Skip the performative “I’m grateful for my health” if that’s not where your heart is today.
Try something richer:
“I’m grateful I noticed my old Procrastinator pattern and actually prepared ahead this year.”
“I appreciate that I didn’t react to the comment I usually explode about.”
“I’m grateful I can see our family with clearer eyes, not as villains or victims, but as humans with their own patterns.”
This isn’t a Hallmark holiday.
It’s a mirror.
Gratitude deepens when it’s honest.
Lead the Way Out of Old Stories
Your family doesn’t need your advice, your analysis, or your perfectly curated coping tools. (Even if you have plenty… and you do.)
They need your presence.
That’s the leadership move.
Because when one person in a system chooses consciousness over compulsion, breath over blame, and curiosity over control, everyone else gets permission to shift, too.
Authentic leadership starts at home… and sometimes over mashed potatoes.
A Thanksgiving Invitation
This year, try a bold experiment:
Notice your patterns.
Name them gently.
Interrupt them with one new choice.
Celebrate even the smallest shift.
Because Thanksgiving isn’t just about gratitude, it’s about growth.
And if you can navigate your family table with grace, you can handle any boardroom, team conflict, or organizational tangle with far more ease.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS: From my heart to yours: Happy Thanksgiving.
May your turkey be tender, your tofu tasty, your boundaries clear, and your patterns ready for transformation.
