Summary: New Year’s Day comes with glitter and pressure. Pressure to reinvent yourself and to be “better.” In fact, it’s pressure to announce the new you, like a product launch. And if we’re being honest, a lot of that pressure is just old stress dressed up in sequins. Here’s my wish for you on January 1, 2026: a reset that resets you. It is not a performance, nor a punishment. Primarily, it’s not a list of unrealistic promises that will come back to haunt you by January 12. A real reset starts with one brave question. Read on.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
How do patterns of behavior differ from habits?
What pattern do I keep repeating… and what would it mean to finally complete it?
Because, as I am learning, the truth is: most people don’t repeat habits. They repeat unfinished emotional business.
And they repeat it in two places: At home (where it was born), and then at work (where it gets promoted).
So no, I don’t want this to be another “new year, new you” moment.”
Help me see a clear direction to make this a new year, new awareness moment.
Signed,
Shiny and New
The Lie We Tell Ourselves Every January
Dear Shiny and New,
It seems we are all programmed to think that when the clock strikes midnight, moving to the new year, along with confetti, we are sprinkled with magic.
The lie sounds like this: “If I try harder, I’ll finally change.”
Perhaps trying harder isn’t the problem.
Most of you already try hard enough to qualify for a medal and a nap.
Effort Can’t Override an Unrecognized Pattern
You can white-knuckle your way through January, but if your nervous system is still running old code: people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, over-functioning, rescuing everyone, or proving your worth, staying silent, or pushing until you break, your “resolutions” will quietly become repetitions.
And then you’ll wonder what’s wrong with you.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your system is doing what it learned to do to survive.
The Real Beginning: A Glimmer
I teach leaders to pay attention to something most leadership programs miss: glimmers.
A glimmer is a subtle signal, often small, mostly quiet, where your system tells the truth before your mind is ready.
A glimmer might be:
- the exhale you didn’t know you needed
- a warmth in your chest when you say “no” and mean it
- possibly, a little surge of courage when you tell the truth kindly
- or a calm “this is right” feeling that doesn’t need a spreadsheet to justify itself
Your head gathers data, while your heart reads meaning, and your gut picks up danger and direction.
When the three align, you don’t just make a goal, you make a shift. And that shift is what changes everything.
Why Your Family is Sitting in Your Business Meeting (Even Today)
Here’s the part nobody wants to admit, but everyone recognizes the second they hear it:
The way you were trained in your first organization, your family, shows up in your present organization, your workplace.
If you learned that love is earned by being useful, you may become the leader who can’t delegate.
Then, if you learned that anger is dangerous, you may avoid hard conversations until resentment leaks out sideways.
Perhaps you learned you had to be perfect to stay safe, you may drive yourself and your team like a rented mule.
January 1st is a perfect day to stop pretending you’re “starting from scratch.”
You aren’t.
You’re starting from history, and history becomes wisdom the moment you look at it without flinching.
A New Year Practice That Actually Works
Forget the massive list.
Do this instead, five minutes, no drama.
1) Name the pattern you’re done repeating.
Not the behavior. The pattern underneath it.
Examples:
- “I over-give, and then I resent.”
- “When I avoid conflict, I always explode.”
- “If I work too hard, I crash.”
- “I stay small until I get overlooked, then I get bitter.”
- “When I rescue people, I don’t have to feel my own needs.”
2) Find the earliest version of it.
Ask: When did I first learn I had to do this to be okay?
Don’t overthink it. Let your body answer.
3) Choose one completing action.
One. Not ten. Completing actions look like:
- Having the conversation you’ve avoided, with respect
- Setting a boundary without a speech
- Asking for help without apologizing
- Letting someone else be disappointed and surviving it
- Resting before you earn it (that one makes high-achievers twitch, which is how you know it’s medicine)
4) Track glimmers, not perfection.
Perfection is the old pattern trying to keep its job.
Track glimmers:
“I paused before reacting.”
“Fortunately, I told the truth gently.”
“Reluctantly, I won because I didn’t take the bait.”
“I stopped fixing what wasn’t mine.”
“Most importantly, I listened to my gut and didn’t talk myself out of it.”
That is leadership. And that is healing. It is the essence of change.
The Most Powerful Resolution You Can Make
Here it is, simple, strong, and absolutely not cute:
In 2026, I will stop betraying myself to keep the peace.
I will build peace by being real. Being honest and open doesn’t mean harsh. It doesn’t mean emotional dumping. Real means: clean truth, calm boundaries, steady nervous system, aligned head, heart, and gut, and a willingness to complete what your younger self couldn’t.
A Blessing for the Leaders Reading This
May this be the year you stop calling your intuition “overreacting.”
Even better, let this be the year you stop confusing exhaustion with success.
And, may this be the year you lead with your whole self, mind, body, and heart in the same room.
You don’t need a new personality.
You need a new relationship with the pattern.
Happy New Year.
Now go do one brave thing.
Then take a breath and let it count.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
P.S. Here’s a podcast that gives you even more information. Enjoy.
