Summary: Let’s get one thing straight: you, as a leader, don’t need more theories. Or frameworks. Or another shiny workbook that sits gathering digital dust. You need integration. That elusive moment when the light bulb goes on, and it stays on long enough for behavior to actually change. You can do it as long as you are willing to sit up and look in the mirror.
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
I am writing to you as a devoted employee of someone you know. He is both brilliant and creative. When not leading his executive team, he is lots of fun. However, SB is a disaster as an executive.
At least five of us are on the verge of quitting. I know you have done your best to help him see that he needs to change how he leads meetings and how he encourages his team.
Any thoughts on what to say or do before we leave? I bet he will then start with another new group, who will also end up quitting.
In fact, recently I checked, and the comments on Glassdoor aren’t pretty.
Also, I have a friend who would be great for this company, yet I am afraid to even suggest it to him.
SB said he’s read all the books there are to read. What is missing?
Signed,
Open to New Outcomes
Why Leadership Theory Alone Falls Flat
Dear Open to New Outcomes,
I hear your frustration. My difficulties with SB are similar.
For example, while research indicates that leadership training is at an all-time high, meaningful behavior change is still MIA in most organizations. Why?
Theory is Safe, Integration is Messy
You can talk big about emotional intelligence. But unless you’ve sat with your own emotions long enough not to be hijacked by the next trigger, well, you’re just using jargon to avoid the work.
The same goes for stress management. If you’re still hitting the martinis or the morning meditation app without ever asking, “Why am I stressed like this?” that’s not leadership. That’s coping.
Integration Plus Action Equal Embodiment
Real leadership isn’t about how much you know. It’s about how much of yourself you can bring into your work: integrated, congruent, and present.
It’s noticing when your stomach tightens during a tough conversation, then pausing before you react.
For example, it’s recognizing your go-to stress role (I see you, Pleaser or Rebel) and taking responsibility when it shows up at work.
Integration takes what’s lived in your head and makes it your behavioral operating system.
Leadership Theory Isn’t Bad, It’s Just Incomplete
Yes, we still need frameworks, neuroscience, and strategy. My own work stands on decades of research and systems theory.
But buried beneath “should” and “how-to,” what leaders are craving right now is something far more potent:
A real-time roadmap that connects who they ARE to how they LEAD.
In fact, my new book “GLIMMERS: Aligning, Head, Heart &Gut for Whole-Person Leadership” is all about integrating your inner self with what you show to the world.
When you integrate head, heart, and gut, and pair it with pattern awareness, you stop managing from a survival script. Instead, you step into the kind of leadership that’s impossible to fake.
Three Integration Prompts for Leaders
- Leadership Body Scan: Before your next meeting, pause. Where do you feel tension? What story is it telling you, and is it about now or yesterday?
- Behavioral Pattern Check-In: Notice when you default to a childhood role (Victim, Rescuer, Procrastinator). Ask yourself: Is this still useful? If not, what role would be more effective now?
- Systems Ripple: When you leave a room, what’s the emotional impact? Do people feel more grounded, inspired, or on edge? Don’t guess. Ask.
A thought about working with my client, SB: “He asked me why so many were quitting within weeks of each other. “I asked him for the umpteenth time, “Do You think it has something to do with your style?” And for the umpteenth time, he said,
No, it’s not about me, it’s about them.”
His go-to statement was wearing thin: “You can’t change anyone; they can only change themselves.”
He was quoting his father, also famous for having people resign from his medical practice within weeks of each other.
Frustrated, I challenged him to consider, “then change yourself.”
Again, I spoke about how a system’s ripple can destroy a team and an organization.
His finger-pointing in meetings and his unpleasant way of saying “You don’t know what you’re talking about” were getting old.
He talks a good game to the press, yet he stays in his old ‘top-down’ model with his staff.
Will he change? No guarantees, although I am still working with him.
If he can finally let down his armor and see his vulnerable, scared part behind an iron curtain, well then, change is possible.
In fact, this post is dedicated quietly to SB.
Here’s What’s Next in Leadership Development
The buzz in leadership circles is unmistakable: integration is the new innovation.
You can learn the most brilliant models ever created, but until you’re willing to do the work to integrate them into your body and behavior, you’ll still be reacting instead of leading.
Want to know what your default operating system is under stress or pressure?
Take the Leadership Behavior Quiz and let’s start turning old scripts into new strategies that actually work.
Because the leaders of tomorrow aren’t the ones with the most information. They’re the ones who are fully alive, aligned, and integrated today.
To your success,
Sylvia Lafair
PS. Want a copy of the introduction of my soon-to-be-published book “GLIMMERS: Aligning Head, Heart & Gut for Whole Person Leadership”? Please email sylvia@ceoptions.com, and it’s yours.
